What to do about new Mom friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

[/b]I found her sitting with another group of women who obviously are close friends. And the feeling I got was she felt this was a “better” group of friends. [b]

Sounds like she wants to be friends with that group not you

I was just coming to say this! OP, it actually sounds like from what you’ve described she’s just not that into you. If the kids like each other, great. You don’t need to be friends with every mom you meet so make yourself scarce or just make small talk or whatever. Just engage at a surface level and don’t let it bother you.

[Anonymous]

How about being kind? You should very judgmental, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she appear to want to be a social climber?

DS has a friend like this. She wanted to travel together, do coffee, date night, take my kid to trips with her family, etc.

I answer her late. I have 3 kids and she only has 1 so I hide behind my other kids. I drop off and pick up only. I don’t really ever invite them over or invite them on outings. I have done camps together and she will offer to have my kid play with hers after.

To be fair, I don’t invite others over often either so it isn’t like I am specifically not inviting just her kid.

We were at the pool so our kids could play together. She was doing something for her younger kid that was going to be a few minutes. I said I’d watch our boys until she was done. 20-30 mins later I’m wondering where she is since her younger kid has wandered over. I found her sitting with another group of women who obviously are close friends. And the feeling I got was she felt this was a “better” group of friends.

She’s made comments to me that she somehow thinks I have higher social standing. I don’t and it’s not like this neighborhood is into social standing at all.

And she’s teased me many times about one of my quirks. I look at her and the people around us look at her like “what are you doing?”. But she keeps doing it. And I can’t tell if she is socially awkward or trying to neg me.

And I don’t know why I’m a B just because I know she is not my people. There are a couple of Mom’s I’ve clicked with that I’m hoping will turn into friendships. There are others that I’m friendly with but we’ll never hang out unless it’s some kid related event. And I’m sure they feel the same way about me. Where I’m having issues here is that I want to keep her in the friendly zone, but she wants to be close friends.

Your overanalysis about the pool is odd. We go to the pool often. You walk around and talk to people you know. This is normal pool behavior.

I have no idea what the social standing is at the pool. My kids used to do swim team and there were the swim team moms. I didn’t particularly want to be part of this group. My kids were not that into it. My kids now play tennis at the same pool and tennis club. Some days I go to the pool and sit alone. Other times I go with a friend and May sit with another group I know. Are you really keeping tabs on how a person socializes at the pool?

It is totally fine not wanting to be close friends with a person but it doesn’t even seem like this person wants to be that close.

[Anonymous]

OP - there is no reason to judge. She will pick-up on you judging her. So stop that. You don't know her mind. You think you know, you don't. You are entitled to a preference. You want some contact, but not more. Fine. Act on you preference. But stop with the fake concern for her feelings, like you can read her mind.

[Anonymous]

Just give her a chance to get to know you. That should take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Funny your title says friend when that’s not what she is. Just continue as you are; I’m sure it will become clear to her that you aren’t that into her. You have worded it in such a way that you appear pretty awful but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just didn’t communicate the situation well. Just never be available if the suggestion is for the parents; only be available to get the kids together, preferably as a drop off thing.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really sound like she wants to be better friends with you. Sounds like she wants to use you to get to other people. She used you to watch her kid while she talked with other people. She teased you in front of others even after you made it clear she was upsetting you.

This doesn't sound like someone who is a good friend to you, or wants to be a better one.

[Anonymous]

This is an easy one. Dropoff playdates only assuming the kids get along.. Can you explain the teasing thing ?

[Anonymous]

But I can tell she’s a bit insecure and trying to climb the social ladder (as if there is one in out very middle class neighborhood).

OP, you tipped your hand with this one sentence. You see yourself as some Big Cheese in your neighborhood, the mom to which other moms aspire. It's been years since I was a mother of a new kindergartner, but I remember it being a time when I was hoping to find a mom or two from the bus stop who was either doing the same, or had recently been there, done that. I didn't expect them to be my best friend, just a friendly person to chat with as our kids played at the neighborhood park. It had NOTHING to do with social climbing. Zero.

Get over yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

I hate when people judge me for having "more" or "nice things". They think they know my agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people judge me for having "more" or "nice things". They think they know my agenda.

Lol way to make this all about how awesome you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Both of you frankly sound kind of crappy.

[Anonymous]

I’m not going to put you down because I’ve been in the situation OP and you will regret it if she digs in any further. Make sure to be too busy for any gtgs whatsoever and turn down any ‘favors’ they offer etc

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, so you're saying she's...gasp....friendly?? That social climbing b.

[Anonymous]

So many people here seem to think that someone being friendly wants something. What a sad existence.