What to do about new Mom friend?

[Anonymous]

TLR- how do you deal with a Mom of DS’s friend who obviously wants to be closer friends than I do.

DS just started K and he’s becoming fast friends with another little boy. I know the Mom because we go to the same pool. (Our kids didn’t play together until school started.) She obviously wants to be close friends with me. But I can tell she’s a bit insecure and trying to climb the social ladder (as if there is one in out very middle class neighborhood). She’s nice enough, and I can deal with her in small doses. But I don’t really want to be close to her. I know I’ll be reaching out to her (and her to me) to arrange play dates for our kids. How do I remain friendly without making it seem I want to be friends?

[Anonymous]

Be a better person OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be a better person OP.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Be assured OP, this woman does not want to be friends with you.

[Anonymous]

What an unkind person you are. Your post sums up everything wrong with our culture. Here’s an idea: get to know her.

[Anonymous]

How does she appear to want to be a social climber?

DS has a friend like this. She wanted to travel together, do coffee, date night, take my kid to trips with her family, etc.

I answer her late. I have 3 kids and she only has 1 so I hide behind my other kids. I drop off and pick up only. I don’t really ever invite them over or invite them on outings. I have done camps together and she will offer to have my kid play with hers after.

To be fair, I don’t invite others over often either so it isn’t like I am specifically not inviting just her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does she appear to want to be a social climber?

DS has a friend like this. She wanted to travel together, do coffee, date night, take my kid to trips with her family, etc.

I answer her late. I have 3 kids and she only has 1 so I hide behind my other kids. I drop off and pick up only. I don’t really ever invite them over or invite them on outings. I have done camps together and she will offer to have my kid play with hers after.

To be fair, I don’t invite others over often either so it isn’t like I am specifically not inviting just her kid.

We were at the pool so our kids could play together. She was doing something for her younger kid that was going to be a few minutes. I said I’d watch our boys until she was done. 20-30 mins later I’m wondering where she is since her younger kid has wandered over. I found her sitting with another group of women who obviously are close friends. And the feeling I got was she felt this was a “better” group of friends.

She’s made comments to me that she somehow thinks I have higher social standing. I don’t and it’s not like this neighborhood is into social standing at all.

And she’s teased me many times about one of my quirks. I look at her and the people around us look at her like “what are you doing?”. But she keeps doing it. And I can’t tell if she is socially awkward or trying to neg me.

And I don’t know why I’m a B just because I know she is not my people. There are a couple of Mom’s I’ve clicked with that I’m hoping will turn into friendships. There are others that I’m friendly with but we’ll never hang out unless it’s some kid related event. And I’m sure they feel the same way about me. Where I’m having issues here is that I want to keep her in the friendly zone, but she wants to be close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she appear to want to be a social climber?

DS has a friend like this. She wanted to travel together, do coffee, date night, take my kid to trips with her family, etc.

I answer her late. I have 3 kids and she only has 1 so I hide behind my other kids. I drop off and pick up only. I don’t really ever invite them over or invite them on outings. I have done camps together and she will offer to have my kid play with hers after.

To be fair, I don’t invite others over often either so it isn’t like I am specifically not inviting just her kid.

We were at the pool so our kids could play together. She was doing something for her younger kid that was going to be a few minutes. I said I’d watch our boys until she was done. 20-30 mins later I’m wondering where she is since her younger kid has wandered over. I found her sitting with another group of women who obviously are close friends. And the feeling I got was she felt this was a “better” group of friends.

She’s made comments to me that she somehow thinks I have higher social standing. I don’t and it’s not like this neighborhood is into social standing at all.

And she’s teased me many times about one of my quirks. I look at her and the people around us look at her like “what are you doing?”. But she keeps doing it. And I can’t tell if she is socially awkward or trying to neg me.

And I don’t know why I’m a B just because I know she is not my people. There are a couple of Mom’s I’ve clicked with that I’m hoping will turn into friendships. There are others that I’m friendly with but we’ll never hang out unless it’s some kid related event. And I’m sure they feel the same way about me. Where I’m having issues here is that I want to keep her in the friendly zone, but she wants to be close friends.

As one of the PPs who thinks you’re being a B (juvenile though that term is), you’re starting an entire thread on an anonymous website about someone who you “feel” is more into you than you are them and how to deal with it, when you could have just been polite to her, gotten your kids together as needed, and let it go. Nothing you write suggests this woman wants to be close friends with you.

(Also, “neg” you? You come off as incredibly immature.)

[Anonymous]

So don't be close friends with her. It's as easy as that.

[Anonymous]

Haha. Plus +1 on the “neg” comment. Priceless DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she appear to want to be a social climber?

DS has a friend like this. She wanted to travel together, do coffee, date night, take my kid to trips with her family, etc.

I answer her late. I have 3 kids and she only has 1 so I hide behind my other kids. I drop off and pick up only. I don’t really ever invite them over or invite them on outings. I have done camps together and she will offer to have my kid play with hers after.

To be fair, I don’t invite others over often either so it isn’t like I am specifically not inviting just her kid.

We were at the pool so our kids could play together. She was doing something for her younger kid that was going to be a few minutes. I said I’d watch our boys until she was done. 20-30 mins later I’m wondering where she is since her younger kid has wandered over. I found her sitting with another group of women who obviously are close friends. And the feeling I got was she felt this was a “better” group of friends.

She’s made comments to me that she somehow thinks I have higher social standing. I don’t and it’s not like this neighborhood is into social standing at all.

And she’s teased me many times about one of my quirks. I look at her and the people around us look at her like “what are you doing?”. But she keeps doing it. And I can’t tell if she is socially awkward or trying to neg me.

And I don’t know why I’m a B just because I know she is not my people. There are a couple of Mom’s I’ve clicked with that I’m hoping will turn into friendships. There are others that I’m friendly with but we’ll never hang out unless it’s some kid related event. And I’m sure they feel the same way about me. Where I’m having issues here is that I want to keep her in the friendly zone, but she wants to be close friends.

I’m not so sure she wants to be your friend, really. Sounds like a matter of convenience for her if your kids get along well. If someone did this to me, I’d be po’d.

[Anonymous]

Don't reach out at all ever and come up with excuses if she reaches out. I warn you if you are uncomfortable with her it won't get better and you will regret cultivating a friendship. Teasing is a natural friendly thing some people do and if she crossed your line, it shows you are not a match. I believe in grace and acceptance but if it wears on you too much its ok to leave the friendship for school time only.

[Anonymous]

Umm so don’t be her friend - make excuses about the kids

I don’t understand if you think you’re in a higher social circle or if you’re both in the same social class and you have not found your way into the group either and are banking on making a relation with the other woman on her being socially awkward.

Either way, you both seem like non-alpha women that shes under the impression that you’ll both click on the fact you’re not settled into the groups of moms yet

[Anonymous]

What makes it obvious she wants to be close friends with you? You come off a little nuts.

[Anonymous]

[/b]I found her sitting with another group of women who obviously are close friends. And the feeling I got was she felt this was a “better” group of friends. [b]

Sounds like she wants to be friends with that group not you