Can I take my kids on vacation against their father's wishes?

[Anonymous]

No don’t discuss it in writing or with your kids and just go. Then if he calls the police it’s all he said she said and you bring up his mental illness and delusions.
Until the divorce papers are filed you can’t be charged with parental abduction, at least not for a trip within the US with family!

[Anonymous]

There is no court ordered custody arrangement. You can take your kids wherever you want.

[Anonymous]

Either parent can take the kids anywhere like this as long as there is not a court order prohibiting it. So yes you can go. But when he had the kids he can do the same thing. Even if he is supposed to have them for a weekend for example but last min decided to go to the beach til Tuesday. He can legally do that. He is the parent as are you. So be careful. Just in case he decided to do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

DCUM gives the worst advice on legal matters where it pertains to divorce and custody. IT's all what people think, and people have different opinions.

if you are considering divorce, and your husband has mental illness(es), may opinion is you should have at least one consult any maybe more with an actual divorce attorney. You should be planning well in advance to help you achieve your goals. Maybe you want sole legal custody/decision making authority. How do you build a case for that? Maybe you want more than 50/50 custody. learn what's possible, and then act very strategically over the next few months to get it.

His preventing a relatively normal family gathering for reasons driven by mental illnesss? seems to me (a non lawyer) that documenting that could be good to do to have a track rerecord for future custody issues.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

I have an appointment with a lawyer. I'm not really considering divorce. I married someone in sickness or in health, and he's clearly sick. But it may get to the point where it makes sense for me and my kids to live separately.

But I need a break, and my kids need a break, and this is a chance to get that. Ironically, the family member is his, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I have an appointment with a lawyer. I'm not really considering divorce. I married someone in sickness or in health, and he's clearly sick. But it may get to the point where it makes sense for me and my kids to live separately.

But I need a break, and my kids need a break, and this is a chance to get that. Ironically, the family member is his, not mine.

Realize that your husband may hear some sweet thing or a therapist advising divorce as the cure to all that ails him. In that case you divorce will consider you.

If his mental illness is at a point where he cannot manage his affairs, or you want to keep your money safe from him spending $250k or some huge for you amount on ... stuff, an attorney is essential, if only to have on call in case things do spiral worse for him.

Also consider that the Catholic Church permits civil divorce, but will not allow re-marriage. A civil divorce may, sadly, be the best way of protecting your property, your children, etc.

Catechism 2383: "If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, [then] it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense."

If you're not Catholic or any form of Christian then at least consider this a moral argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no court ordered custody arrangement. You can take your kids wherever you want.

Yup. You could even move to another state and take your kids.

Seriously.

Until one of you files for divorce and there’s a custody order you can do whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Random question - but do you have pets and would the pets be staying with him alone while you go on this trip? I'm unsure of the severity of his illness, but something to keep in mind (take the pets if you can).

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

He could request a safety check by local police. They will show up, see everything is fine and leave. My only concern would be if you are taking the kids out of school. If you are going to divorce, you need to think of all of your actions in terms of what a judge would think. Don't do anything that might be perceived as poor parenting judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either parent can take the kids anywhere like this as long as there is not a court order prohibiting it. So yes you can go. But when he had the kids he can do the same thing. Even if he is supposed to have them for a weekend for example but last min decided to go to the beach til Tuesday. He can legally do that. He is the parent as are you. So be careful. Just in case he decided to do the same thing.

This is exactly it. There is no order in place, you are married and you can take your kids and go yourself wherever you want to go.

[Anonymous]

All that would happen, op is the police would check it out.. if the person you’re going to see is the good guy or gal you believe them to be, that’d be the end of it. I’m wondering why you’re so worried? Anybody can call the police and have them check out a situation. Now, if the person you’re visiting has illegal weapons, or has weapons illegally, or drugs (same constraints) or kitty porn, then I’d be worried and I wouldn’t go.

Your husband, mentally ill or not, can indeed call the police. Your mom, or grandmother or kid’s teacher can do the same. Nobody really cares what happens to an adult unless the adult has a disability, but they do care about children. The police won’t even care if a parent has a disability and someone calls to check on the family. I know this because it happened to me. It didn’t even rise to a CPS visit, the police came by, asked if my kid was alright, asked where they were and when I said “at school” they checked it out and that was the end of it. I was alone with my younger kid who wasn’t school-aged. All they wanted to know was if the kid they were worried about was alright and where the child in question was. The police would verify that you indeed had the kids or that they were where they were supposed to be, i.e. you knew where they were and that it could be proven, and that nobody was hurt or being held against their will and then they’d go on their way.


Are you hoping to provoke your husband into calling the police so you can claimm you’re afraid to go home and you can maybe move in with or near this family member? It doesn’t matter if the person is your husband’s family, point is you care enough about this person and/or what they have to offer to go there and bring your kids. Are you hoping the police would pack him off to jail for being a bad boy and wasting their time? Are you trying to use the legal system to get your husband out of the home the two of you share so you can live separately when you get back from your trip? It sounds that way to me. Many people misuse the legal system when they no longer wish to live with a person who is legally allowed to be in a shared residence, a tennant, a husband, a kid, a parent.

Having paperwork to show the police *if he calls, and if they show up just means you have paperwork. As a competent adult, he is allowed to call law enforcement to check on the welfare of his wife and kids. Are you hoping that the police will take him away because he called them and he’s mentally ill so of course he shouldn’t be allowed to use the same resources that “normal” people have the right to use? So far, your husband hasn’t even done anything. All he’s done is said he’d prefer you not go on the trip.. those discussions happen in lots of marriages.

I’m trying to figure out why a healthy, rational woman would be so worried? It’s not 1950, op. If you get a dimwit cop, you can deal with it via legal means. It wouldn’t be fun, but cops aren’t above the law, even the ones that think they are. Everybody has a boss, op.



As for “marrying in sickness and health” the problem is that while you can believe anything, your husband can decide to divorce you. Divorce doesn’t require your participation, you can choose not to participate but he would still be able to end the marriage. That works for you too. He isn’t the family couch.

I would take care that you don’t pull the kids out of school, he could and probably would use that sort of behavior to say that you were neglecting the kids’ education should custody plans happen. I’d make sure you brought appropriate weather clothes and safety, gloves for Maine in the winter.

As it is now, you’re married to a guy you don’t like right now who has a documented disability. His disability may impact his life, you may not want to live with him anymore, but that’s all this is.

[Anonymous]

Wow that was a weird post.

I asked a few questions. How you got from that to be being overly worried or mysogynist rankings about 1950, I don’t know. I am sorry I triggered that reaction.

As to all of your speculations, none of her near any connection to the truth.

[Anonymous]

Kids who are traveling with one parent will be asked additional questions by Security. Both my husband and I have experienced this when we have taken our son on different trips. It was never an issue because we were fine with our son traveling with a solo parent and our son had no clue what was happening. A friend who went to Canada with her kids needed a note from her Husband to clear entry into Canada.

Security is on the look out for kids who might be abducted by a parent or close family member. Just be prepared that there might be a few other questions at the airport and that Security might want to talk to the Husband if they are not happy with the responses that the kids give. If your kids know that this trip is contested by their Dad, that could come out if Security chooses to ask more questions then just the kids names when they are going through the TSA checkpoints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids who are traveling with one parent will be asked additional questions by Security. Both my husband and I have experienced this when we have taken our son on different trips. It was never an issue because we were fine with our son traveling with a solo parent and our son had no clue what was happening. A friend who went to Canada with her kids needed a note from her Husband to clear entry into Canada.

Security is on the look out for kids who might be abducted by a parent or close family member. Just be prepared that there might be a few other questions at the airport and that Security might want to talk to the Husband if they are not happy with the responses that the kids give. If your kids know that this trip is contested by their Dad, that could come out if Security chooses to ask more questions then just the kids names when they are going through the TSA checkpoints.

To be clear, we'd be driving a few hours to spend a weekend at a vacation home that a family member is renting. So, there won't be any TSA checkpoints, or any possibility that we might stay there forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids who are traveling with one parent will be asked additional questions by Security. Both my husband and I have experienced this when we have taken our son on different trips. It was never an issue because we were fine with our son traveling with a solo parent and our son had no clue what was happening. A friend who went to Canada with her kids needed a note from her Husband to clear entry into Canada.

Security is on the look out for kids who might be abducted by a parent or close family member. Just be prepared that there might be a few other questions at the airport and that Security might want to talk to the Husband if they are not happy with the responses that the kids give. If your kids know that this trip is contested by their Dad, that could come out if Security chooses to ask more questions then just the kids names when they are going through the TSA checkpoints.

I have traveled alone with both my kids all over the world and have never been questioned by security. The closest we came was in Amsterdam when the Dutch official was bothered that our toddler still had her passport with her baby picture.