Reply to Can I take my kids on vacation against their father's wishes?

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[quote=Anonymous]All that would happen, op is the police would check it out.. if the person you’re going to see is the good guy or gal you believe them to be, that’d be the end of it.  I’m wondering why you’re so worried? Anybody can call the police and have them check out a situation.  Now, if the person you’re visiting has illegal weapons, or has weapons illegally, or drugs (same constraints) or kitty porn, then I’d be worried and I wouldn’t go.

Your husband, mentally ill or not, can indeed call the police.  Your mom, or grandmother or kid’s teacher can do the same.  Nobody really cares what happens to an adult unless the adult has a disability, but they do care about children.  The police won’t even care if a parent has a disability and someone calls to check on the family. I know this because it happened to me.  It didn’t even rise to a CPS visit, the police came by, asked if my kid was alright, asked where they were and when I said “at school” they checked it out and that was the end of it.  I was alone with my younger kid who wasn’t school-aged.  All they wanted to know was if the kid they were worried about was alright and where the child in question was.   The police would verify that you indeed had the kids or that they were where they were supposed to be, i.e. you knew where they were and that it could be proven, and that nobody was hurt or being held against their will and then they’d go on their way.

Are you hoping to provoke your husband into calling the police so you can claimm you’re afraid to go home and you can maybe move in with or near this family member?  It doesn’t matter if the person is your husband’s family, point is you care enough about this person and/or what they have to offer to go there and bring your kids.  Are you hoping the police would pack him off to jail for being a bad boy and wasting their time?  Are you trying to use the legal system to get your husband out of the home the two of you share so you can live separately when you get back from your trip? It sounds that way to me. Many people misuse the legal system when they no longer wish to live with a person who is legally allowed to be in a shared residence, a tennant, a husband, a kid, a parent.

Having paperwork to show the police *if he calls, and if they show up just means you have paperwork.  As a competent adult, he is allowed to call law enforcement to check on the welfare of his wife and kids.  Are you hoping that the police will take him away because he called them and he’s mentally ill so of course he shouldn’t be allowed to use the same resources that “normal” people have the right to use?  So far, your husband hasn’t even done anything. All he’s done is said he’d prefer you not go on the trip.. those discussions happen in lots of marriages.

I’m trying to figure out why a healthy, rational woman would be so worried?  It’s not 1950, op. If you get a dimwit cop, you can deal with it via legal means.  It wouldn’t be fun, but cops aren’t above the law, even the ones that think they are.  Everybody has a boss, op.

As for “marrying in sickness and health” the problem is that while you can believe anything, your husband can decide to divorce you.  Divorce doesn’t require your participation, you can choose not to participate but he would still be able to end the marriage.  That works for you too.  He isn’t the family couch.

I would take care that you don’t pull the kids out of school, he could and probably would use that sort of behavior to say that you were neglecting the kids’ education should custody plans happen.  I’d make sure you brought appropriate weather clothes and safety, gloves for Maine in the winter.

As it is now, you’re married to a guy you don’t like right now who has a documented disability. His disability may impact his life, you may not want to live with him anymore, but that’s all this is.   [/quote]

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