Is yours the house the kids hang out at? How'd you get that to happen?

[Anonymous]

We started off hosting fun birthday parties at our home and it morphed into play dates. There’s always been a ton of toys or options activity-wise. The issue is that my kids are rarely ever invited to their friends homes. We’ve had kids invite themselves over or parents do the drop in. Be careful what you wish for OP. Many parents don’t like the stress and mess of hosting. We don’t mind but it can be too much if it’s never reciprocated. My child doesn’t always want to hang out at their own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:snacks and giving them (perceived) space.....and snacks....

+1 If you feed them, they will come

+1 we always have food they want and I make sure to have good food that is safe for his friends with allergies.

[Anonymous]

FFS, don't give them alcohol to make yours the hang out house. And don't convince yourself that it's okay to do so because you're "supervising" or some other such nonsense.

Snacks, yes, in abundance. Alcohol and other drugs, hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have a small house and no dedicated space for kids - they can be anywhere. This concerns me as it seems like that's a priority.

We had a tiny house and all the neighborhood kids came to play. We just let them run around and I didn't care. The freedom to be a kid sort of attitude. I told the kids if they didn't want someone playing with certain toy to give it to me and I'd put it away. No special kids play area or anything like that.

If you just let the kids be kids without guiding them, they will come and want to be at your house. Trust me. Don't make too many rules

[Anonymous]

I wish this were our house - we have plenty of room, lots of snacks (basement + games but no swimming pool), but our kids are real introverts who seem to only like to hang out with one or two people at a time. They will come over some but it’s not the lively hub that I envisioned. Plus DH is just less comfortable with spontaneity than I am - so I’m sure that impacts it, too.

[Anonymous]

- I rarely if ever say no even if they ask at the last minute. I pretty much always say yes unless we have a prior commitment to not be home. Even if my adult friend was coming over, I still let the kids invite their friends.
- I don't clean the house because they're coming over. This signals to my kids that asking me if friends can come over is an "easy ask" and not a big deal that means more work for me. Of course, it is more work for me, but I don't want them to make this part of their calculation when deciding whether to invite friends over.
- I purposely bought furniture that can take a beating, but it is still stylish and looks appealing. (Leather couches, furry but washable rugs that kids can sleep on.) So I never have to cringe or hold my breath when they flop themselves on the chair or put crap on the coffee table or whatever. People pick up on this, kids or adults.
- We have friendly dogs that like to cuddle with visitors. Their toys are usually all over the house, as is their fur. So it's clearly just fine to make yourself at home here without feeling like everything is too perfect to relax.
- I always make them pancakes or something "special" if there is a sleepover. This helps them to see that I actually welcome having them there and it's not just something I tolerate.
- I let them eat pizza for dinner even if it means I have to make myself a real meal.
- I don't ask questions like, "How is school going?" Instead, I ask if they've got any pictures on their phone from the trip their family took last month. Or I'll ask if the water was cold at the beach they went to. Something specific that is easy to start a conversation with, and that also shows I paid attention to things they told me the last time I saw them.
- If my kid does something that breaks a rule or pisses me off while they're here, I point it out and say out loud that we'll have to figure out a consequence later but I don't make everyone present witness the whole scene. As a kid I had a friend whose mom would discipline her in front of me and it was horrible, so I don't ever want to be like that.
- I have a lot of tools for things like fixing bikes and skateboards, and I let them use them.
- I regularly have my kids invite their friends along for things that we do outside of the house, including things like weekend trips. This promotes the idea that it's normal for their friends to do things with our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have a small house and no dedicated space for kids - they can be anywhere. This concerns me as it seems like that's a priority.

It is. But don’t worry about it, they won’t hang out at your house 15-21 anyway unless you let them drink.

Eh, this is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started off hosting fun birthday parties at our home and it morphed into play dates. There’s always been a ton of toys or options activity-wise. The issue is that my kids are rarely ever invited to their friends homes. We’ve had kids invite themselves over or parents do the drop in. Be careful what you wish for OP. Many parents don’t like the stress and mess of hosting. We don’t mind but it can be too much if it’s never reciprocated. My child doesn’t always want to hang out at their own home.

You’re talking about teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS, don't give them alcohol to make yours the hang out house. And don't convince yourself that it's okay to do so because you're "supervising" or some other such nonsense.

Snacks, yes, in abundance. Alcohol and other drugs, hell no.

I don’t believe anyone was suggesting this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have a small house and no dedicated space for kids - they can be anywhere. This concerns me as it seems like that's a priority.

We had a tiny house and all the neighborhood kids came to play. We just let them run around and I didn't care. The freedom to be a kid sort of attitude. I told the kids if they didn't want someone playing with certain toy to give it to me and I'd put it away. No special kids play area or anything like that.

If you just let the kids be kids without guiding them, they will come and want to be at your house. Trust me. Don't make too many rules

You clearly have young kids. This changes as they get older and want to be away from prying eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, don't give them alcohol to make yours the hang out house. And don't convince yourself that it's okay to do so because you're "supervising" or some other such nonsense.

Snacks, yes, in abundance. Alcohol and other drugs, hell no.

I don’t believe anyone was suggesting this.

No, but it's clear from many of the comments about snacks and playing that many of you responding have young kids. As the kids get older, the requirements change--a lot. We stopped being the hang out house because of our zero tolerance policy, even though our house is large with private kids space. The problem? We did not allow alcohol and for large gatherings did not allow backpacks and bags to go downstairs, etc. We caught many, many kids sneaking alcohol and more in to gatherings. It's shocking.

[Anonymous]

We have a very nice walkout basement. Large TV, all the latest game systems, nice yard and I made it boy friendly. Lots of snacks.

The only problem is I had to put in a camera so no one took advantage. Plus strict rules on drinking ect...

[Anonymous]

Where the kids want to hang-out always = a house that is less supervised

Not necessarily a bad thing. Not always. But it's a house where it feels like less supervision to the kids. Can't always be explained. Certainly, trying to be the -chosen- house can't be orchestrated by parents.

[Anonymous]

1. I almost always say yes when my kids ask for friends to come over (unless the friend disrespects the house)
2. I always have good snacks (not necessarily junk food, but food that tastes good)
3. DH and I work from home, so parents are comfortable with their kids being here, because they know we're around
4. While our home is nice, it's clean and neat, it's not a museum and kids are comfortable here. They will throw the pillows on the floor to sit on and then toss them back on the couch before they leave, they don't panic if they're doing an art project and accidentally draw on the table because I don't panic about it, etc.

FWIW, it's not about having a game room or a big house - it was like this when I lived in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment too.

[Anonymous]

We used to be that house. Lots of food available and we were pretty easy going, which doesn’t mean no rules. It just means we were fine with whoever dropping by when they wanted and staying for a long time as long as long as everyone was respectful. We gave them space and didn’t pry into their business but didn’t go out of our way to avoid them either if they were in common areas. A nice part of it was we got to know their friends pretty well. We patched up a lot of bloody legs and knees of friends and never minded when they’d bring one in bloody. They were rough housing boys.

Don’t worry about having a small house. We have a big house but they often hung out in the kitchen and main living room rather than basement rec or yard.

Covid changed a lot since we didn’t have kids inside for a while, now they are older and all of them go to hang out together in places, likely trying to pick up girls lol. But they are still nice when they stop by and know they will always be welcome here.