College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to train yourself to sleep when he’s not home. Devise a system where he turns off a hall light or something you can see from your bed when he gets home. You’ll get used to it, OP.

Your nearly grown son is learning to self-regulate and trust himself to make time management decisions.

I think this is the answer, OP. I think a lot of parents have trouble sleeping when college-age children are out!

So you don’t sleep at all while they are at college? You have no idea where they are. Or what bad thing could be happening.

If you sleep just fine when they are away at college, then this “I can’t sleep until you get home thing” is just a control issue. Bad stuff happens at 11pm too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many days does this happen? If he stayed at a friend's house instead, would you still be unable to sleep? Does your kid have a job during the week?

Many nights. Yes job afternoons early evenings for her. Yes can sleep fine if she’s over at a friend’s or away at school. Here’s to weekends sleeping in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We work up early. As a Mom I can’t sleep til kid home . I know I know. Trying to give freedom but also hoping for advice on compromise use at least during work week. 2nd summer after college.

Why are you worried about an adult? You have no liability for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We work up early. As a Mom I can’t sleep til kid home . I know I know. Trying to give freedom but also hoping for advice on compromise use at least during work week. 2nd summer after college.

Why are you worried about an adult? You have no liability for them.

omg this PP must not be a mom, or a mom of someone very young and can't imagine it yet.
I've told my DD (who is a high school senior) that it's not that I don't trust her. It's that moms can't sleep until every chick is in the nest. So do it for me. This approach has worked because it's not about me not trusting her, or being nosey, so she doesn't get defensive.

[Anonymous]

I was. 4.0 student in college and had 3 jobs. I was often awake in my newsroom building my next project, helping other students, writing papers.

I did not show up home until 5am. There were some days, I was awake for 48 hours.

[Anonymous]

I came home after freshman year and had a midnight curfew. That is the last time I lived in my parents' house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to train yourself to sleep when he’s not home. Devise a system where he turns off a hall light or something you can see from your bed when he gets home. You’ll get used to it, OP.

Your nearly grown son is learning to self-regulate and trust himself to make time management decisions.

I think this is the answer, OP. I think a lot of parents have trouble sleeping when college-age children are out!

So you don’t sleep at all while they are at college? You have no idea where they are. Or what bad thing could be happening.

If you sleep just fine when they are away at college, then this “I can’t sleep until you get home thing” is just a control issue. Bad stuff happens at 11pm too.

It is actually much easier when your adult child is out of the house & you do not worry where they are, if they are safe, etc.
I cannot give you an answer (that makes sense!) for why this is so.

I am a Mother who cannot fall into a consistent, restful slumber until my adult live-in child is home.
I think unless you have been in this position - it is tough to understand the unique feelings that us parents feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to train yourself to sleep when he’s not home. Devise a system where he turns off a hall light or something you can see from your bed when he gets home. You’ll get used to it, OP.

Your nearly grown son is learning to self-regulate and trust himself to make time management decisions.

I think this is the answer, OP. I think a lot of parents have trouble sleeping when college-age children are out!

So you don’t sleep at all while they are at college? You have no idea where they are. Or what bad thing could be happening.

If you sleep just fine when they are away at college, then this “I can’t sleep until you get home thing” is just a control issue. Bad stuff happens at 11pm too.

It is actually much easier when your adult child is out of the house & you do not worry where they are, if they are safe, etc.
I cannot give you an answer (that makes sense!) for why this is so.

I am a Mother who cannot fall into a consistent, restful slumber until my adult live-in child is home.
I think unless you have been in this position - it is tough to understand the unique feelings that us parents feel.

Parent with a son in college. I sleep fine when he’s out late. I sleep fine when he’s away at school. My sleep doesn’t depend on my kid’s location. I love him and trust him. If this is a real problem, and your sleep is literally impaired, you might want to treat your anxiety. You being awake doesn’t fix problems that he faces when he’s outside and you’re not with him. If anything, it probably makes you cranky and less able to enjoy the time he’s at home with you because you’re not well rested.

[Anonymous]

My mother only got concerned if not home by sunrise when I was in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came home after freshman year and had a midnight curfew. That is the last time I lived in my parents' house.

This is the heart of it. Parents can establish whatever curfew they want, “my house my terms” etc. But do you want your home to be a place your kid never wants to return to because they’re being micro-managed?

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, we’d set an alarm clock 15 min after whatever time I had agreed to be home, and I had to turn it off when I got home. If I didn’t, it would wake my parents and then they could worry to their hearts’ content, but they slept well knowing that they’d be alerted if I wasn’t home when I said I’d be. Worked well for us - independence and accountability.

[Anonymous]

Yep. I never stop worrying but I need to sleep, and some mornings get up and go downstairs to work.

I explained to my daughter why her being out until early morning hours causes me such anxiety until she comes home or i know she is staying with friends for the night.

To her, she didn't understand why I worry so much when she's home versus when she's away at college. I've explained that it's easier to let the anxiety go, but when we are expecting her to come home to my house, I'm a mom and I will never stop worrying.

She understands that so we worked out me leaving the bedroom hall light on, I can see some light through my door, if I wake up in the middle of the night and worry if she's home, if the light is off, I'm can roll back over, if it's not I can check my phone to see where she is - she does share her location with me- and roll back over to sleep. She's almost always with her small group of friends from HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We work up early. As a Mom I can’t sleep til kid home . I know I know. Trying to give freedom but also hoping for advice on compromise use at least during work week. 2nd summer after college.

Why are you worried about an adult? You have no liability for them.

omg this PP must not be a mom, or a mom of someone very young and can't imagine it yet.
I've told my DD (who is a high school senior) that it's not that I don't trust her. It's that moms can't sleep until every chick is in the nest. So do it for me. This approach has worked because it's not about me not trusting her, or being nosey, so she doesn't get defensive.

This was the approach my mom took when I was in college, too. I did try to respect her wishes, and we worked out a mostly reasonable compromise. But I also never forgot that they were paying for the non-scholarship portion of my school and giving me free room and board over the summers. So I did feel like “our house, our rules” wasn’t too much to ask.

In return, she never said anything when I stayed at a friend’s house, even when it was someone I was dating.

[Anonymous]

If he's 18 and in college, then he's a legal adult. You shouldn't control him with a curfew, but you can expect that he be quiet when he returns home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to train yourself to sleep when he’s not home. Devise a system where he turns off a hall light or something you can see from your bed when he gets home. You’ll get used to it, OP.

Your nearly grown son is learning to self-regulate and trust himself to make time management decisions.

+1

This is a you problem.