I hate Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

I hate Mother’s Day, too. Such a cruel holiday when you’ve lost your mother and so much pressure and expectation.

[Anonymous]

I’m also not a fan. Just another thing to waste $$$ on: traveling, brunch, dinner, gifts. Sigh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do to. DH just is not a good gift giver or planner even though he is a great husband in all other ways. My young adult children usually don’t remember either. I don’t want to seem needy or ask for attention but then I stew all day about being ignored. I am gleeful that DH usually forgets to acknowledge his own mom and I don’t remind him. I usually do something nice for my own mom and that’s it. I used to be bothered a lot more—miserable and angry all day—but now I have lowered expectations and just wait for the day to be over.

+1 Seems like we married the same kind of guy. I actually tell DH what to buy me so I don’t have to lie. It’s strange. He can remember Mother’s Day but never forgets valentine’s... they are both made up Hallmark holidays.

[Anonymous]

I hate Mother’s Day too.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha!

I have a chilled family. We order great food for all celebrations. Yup, if it is your day then you get to choose what we will all eat.

We buy stuff we like all the time. Amazon and other stores are always available. None of us wait for Christmas.

For us celebrating something means spending time with each other. So I guess we are celebrating the pandemic.

Seriously, aou all need to become a bit more independent and start planning the day you want yourself.

The only time I care to do plan something spectacular is for my kids birthdays and they have grown out of even that. Pre-pandemic, we would call family over for a nice dinner at home (delivery) or go to a restaurant.

Seriously, order some good food and chill. What is with all of this buy me a card, buy me flowers, buy me chocolates, buy me jewelry business? Celebrate by doing what you want to do and if you want something for yourself, treat yourself and buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figured I would just kick off this Mother’s Day week of stress with my ode to how much I loathe it.

I will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to ensure my insane emotionally abusive mom who also hates Mother’s Day and my stepmom who will be offended if I do nothing but who will also dodge my calls all day because she feels awkward about it and also hates Mother’s Day.

Meanwhile my husband, who is not great at these things and who is otherwise an amazing husband, will likely do nothing. Despite years of me saying basically, “I don’t care what you do, but do SOMETHING so when people ask me about it for the next week I don’t have to lie or say you did nothing. Like go get some grocery store flowers morning of, I don’t care, just something. And then I’ll feel mild irritation at him despite him being otherwise awesome for hanging me out to dry on this Hallmark holiday.

And then I will read 30 think pieces on how all women are mothers and how we really have to think of all these other categories of “caretaking people who are women (probably who identify as women, which is fine, not a dig, just don’t want a snotty comment about my misspeaking)”. Just adding to the pressure to not only properly honor my “moms” and ensure I am honored enough that everyone I know won’t side eye my family, but I also have to make sure I don’t offend all these other people. Exhausting.

If I could make some deal where no one would ask me about it and both of my maternal figures and I all agreed to just speak nothing of it, that’s what I would want for Mother’s Day.

Your husband is not responsible for doing anything for his wife as you ain’t his mother. Also it ain’t step mother day she gets squat. Abusive mom. Gets nothing.

[Anonymous]

I love Mother's Day because you get some good sales in the nursery. It is good for that.

DH is planning to make french toast for breakfast. I saw the grocery delivery and it had brioche bread and orange juice. I am so excited about the OJ because we have a no juice policy in our house so OJ is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H told his mom we're going to see her for Mother's Day without checking with me.

By “we” he means himself and the kids, right? So you can stay home, get takeout of your choice and catch up on whatever Netflix series you want. Win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I really don't understand people like you. Stop expecting people to do extraordinary things for you. Stop doing things for ungrateful people.

For Mother's Day, I state clearly what I want, and knowing my family, I ask for things they can give. Usually I want them to clean the house, instead of me. That's all. I prefer to do my own fancy meal. My family gives me flowers and perhaps a card - I really don't care, and don't ask for them. There is never a gift. I don't give a gift for Father's Day either.

My husband and I then call our respective mothers to wish them a happy day. That's it. No cards, no flowers. Just a nice conversation.

Seriously. Just enjoy the day reflecting on the fact that to all intents and purposes you're a devilishly lucky person with a family. It doesn't take any material goods to do that.

I don’t know where in my post I implied this but I do not expect anyone to do anything at all extraordinary. And I do clearly state to my husband that I’d like him to as I said “do at least one thing, like getting flowers, so when 15 people ask me about this on Monday, I can say, ‘oh they got me flowers!’” I then told him on the day I was ordering flowers for my stepmom what I was doing. I’ve never asked for or gotten a material gift for Mother’s Day and don’t care about it either. It literally just feels shi!!ty when this comes up in conversation for a week and you have nothing to say, and then it feels shi!!y to be hurt about it when the only reason I’m hurt is this arbitrarily created concept.

Despite both my mom and stepmom being annoying about Mother’s Day, dealing with the aftermath of ignoring it is just not worth not putting in the emotional and physical labor this week. Every year I am faced with. “Deal with their Mother’s Day drama during or after the day?’ And after drama is longer and worse.

I don’t get people like you, I do appreciate how lucky I am. Very much. But don’t really understand what that has to do with my irritation that society has created a holiday for a group of people who frequently end up feeling like garbage that day. And then we’re told to like it and feel grateful for it.

It’s a day I don’t enjoy. And I’m not going to feel guilty about hating it in addition to everything else. That I get to feel guilty free!

PP you replied to. My point is that allowing yourself to loathe that particular day means you're still a victim of it. Don't be.

1. Refuse to play along with the drama your mother or MIL create. You can choose to do absolutely nothing. I celebrate in a very low-key way because I've never had a problem or conflict on that day, but were I in your shoes, I'd have put the elders in their place long ago. No calls from me, or any time it took after that to get them to lay off. I had a very emotionally manipulative mother, and tamed her by sheer willpower.
2. You need to be a lot more specific re:husband request. "I want blue hydrangeas from the store, call me if there aren't any so I can pick something else." You know him best, but if what you've tried doesn't work, you know you need to try something else, right?
3. Most families celebrate in a low-key way but ads everywhere make it look as if you're supposed to go all out. Don't buy into the dissonance. Choose to be content with what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha!

I have a chilled family. We order great food for all celebrations. Yup, if it is your day then you get to choose what we will all eat.

We buy stuff we like all the time. Amazon and other stores are always available. None of us wait for Christmas.

For us celebrating something means spending time with each other. So I guess we are celebrating the pandemic.

Seriously, aou all need to become a bit more independent and start planning the day you want yourself.

The only time I care to do plan something spectacular is for my kids birthdays and they have grown out of even that. Pre-pandemic, we would call family over for a nice dinner at home (delivery) or go to a restaurant.

Seriously, order some good food and chill. What is with all of this buy me a card, buy me flowers, buy me chocolates, buy me jewelry business? Celebrate by doing what you want to do and if you want something for yourself, treat yourself and buy it.

I know. For every special occasion, every year on DCUM, the whiners come out of the woodwork to complain that their relatives and spouses don't appreciate them.

They don't get that they need to appreciate themselves and stop looking for external validation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also not a fan. Just another thing to waste $$$ on: traveling, brunch, dinner, gifts. Sigh...

Then stop wasting money on it.

Looks like the stupids are out tonight.

[Anonymous]

Op - what do your kids do for you?

[Anonymous]

My local MIL makes Mother’s Day all about her. She expects to be feted and have DH visit or will propose that we all go out for brunch so that I can also celebrate. Nope.

Now I just tell DH to go over solo to visit his mom and I get the short end of the stick. It’s like I don’t matter.

When I was a new mom, DH and I took our baby and went away for my first Mother’s Day. He called his mom to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and FIL answered b/c MIL was upset that we dared be away for her day. That was 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha!

I have a chilled family. We order great food for all celebrations. Yup, if it is your day then you get to choose what we will all eat.

We buy stuff we like all the time. Amazon and other stores are always available. None of us wait for Christmas.

For us celebrating something means spending time with each other. So I guess we are celebrating the pandemic.

Seriously, aou all need to become a bit more independent and start planning the day you want yourself.

The only time I care to do plan something spectacular is for my kids birthdays and they have grown out of even that. Pre-pandemic, we would call family over for a nice dinner at home (delivery) or go to a restaurant.

Seriously, order some good food and chill. What is with all of this buy me a card, buy me flowers, buy me chocolates, buy me jewelry business? Celebrate by doing what you want to do and if you want something for yourself, treat yourself and buy it.

I know. For every special occasion, every year on DCUM, the whiners come out of the woodwork to complain that their relatives and spouses don't appreciate them.

They don't get that they need to appreciate themselves and stop looking for external validation

This is OP and this is not what I am complaining about actually. My spouse appreciates me and I appreciate him. That is a way to write people off when that is really not the issue.

After Mother’s Day I will go back to being exceptionally happy with my family. It was a crappy day before I had kids and now it’s the juxtaposition of it still requiring a lot of emotional energy from me, and receiving little emotional energy directed my way. And that feels bad for a minute, in addition to feeling tired from all the things I do for the people I’m responsible for. And I wish I could just check out. It’s not that deep. It’s just a crappy day to get through. But people are allowed to vent about such things.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm with you 100%.

My husband is grocery store flowers. . I spend week juggling getting gifts for my mother, mother in law. I feel like it's not my mother's day at all.

And my father died of COVID last mothers day. So to top it off, I feel like I need to do something for my stepmother to commemorate. And we aren't close.

And, my father in law just left his wife, and is splitting time between here and other family, and lo and behold he is staying here mothers day weekend. I don't know how I can entertain him, commemorate with my stepmother. . . We only have 1 guest room. And one is super religious, the other likes a few drinks. .

Tonight, my DD asked me to go to a spa. I think next year, on mother's day, we will do a spa day together. it would be so nice. I can't wait.