I hate Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Figured I would just kick off this Mother’s Day week of stress with my ode to how much I loathe it.

I will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to ensure my insane emotionally abusive mom who also hates Mother’s Day and my stepmom who will be offended if I do nothing but who will also dodge my calls all day because she feels awkward about it and also hates Mother’s Day.

Meanwhile my husband, who is not great at these things and who is otherwise an amazing husband, will likely do nothing. Despite years of me saying basically, “I don’t care what you do, but do SOMETHING so when people ask me about it for the next week I don’t have to lie or say you did nothing. Like go get some grocery store flowers morning of, I don’t care, just something. And then I’ll feel mild irritation at him despite him being otherwise awesome for hanging me out to dry on this Hallmark holiday.

And then I will read 30 think pieces on how all women are mothers and how we really have to think of all these other categories of “caretaking people who are women (probably who identify as women, which is fine, not a dig, just don’t want a snotty comment about my misspeaking)”. Just adding to the pressure to not only properly honor my “moms” and ensure I am honored enough that everyone I know won’t side eye my family, but I also have to make sure I don’t offend all these other people. Exhausting.

If I could make some deal where no one would ask me about it and both of my maternal figures and I all agreed to just speak nothing of it, that’s what I would want for Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

I'm dreading next weekend too. My mom died in February. I can't wait to not have to hear about Mother's Day gifts, sales, brunches, etc.

[Anonymous]

It’s one of my least favorite days too. Too much pressure but it’s gotten much better for me as my kids have gotten older. I don’t expect anything from anyone. I don’t need to be pampered. I tell them what I want and it’s easy - let’s go to dinner here or let’s get takeout from here. They are happy to be told and it’s a relaxed day. As they have gotten older they have offered to cook, which is also great. As for my husband, I’m not his mother and I don’t expect him to do anything for me for Mother’s Day.

My mother will never be happy on Mother’s Day and will always spend that time telling all of us how we did something wrong or didn’t treat her well enough. I won’t be that mom to my kids. As for my MIl, that’s up to DH and my SIL to handle. I don’t get involved.

[Anonymous]

I do to. DH just is not a good gift giver or planner even though he is a great husband in all other ways. My young adult children usually don’t remember either. I don’t want to seem needy or ask for attention but then I stew all day about being ignored. I am gleeful that DH usually forgets to acknowledge his own mom and I don’t remind him. I usually do something nice for my own mom and that’s it. I used to be bothered a lot more—miserable and angry all day—but now I have lowered expectations and just wait for the day to be over.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel sorry for you, at all, that you are still indulging your mother and stepmother in these antics. Stop sniveling, lay down your cross, and book yourself a massage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dreading next weekend too. My mom died in February. I can't wait to not have to hear about Mother's Day gifts, sales, brunches, etc.

My mom died in feb 2016. It was a gut wrench seeing anything Mother’s Day especially that first year. I’m sorry, I understand. It’s so hard.

[Anonymous]

My H told his mom we're going to see her for Mother's Day without checking with me.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s birthday is always the same week. So the weekend is trumped by that, and of course his mother takes precedence in the celebrating.

And my own mother sent me a happy mother’s day card and present today, a week early, in a spectacularly passive aggressive move. Stunning really.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand people like you. Stop expecting people to do extraordinary things for you. Stop doing things for ungrateful people.

For Mother's Day, I state clearly what I want, and knowing my family, I ask for things they can give. Usually I want them to clean the house, instead of me. That's all. I prefer to do my own fancy meal. My family gives me flowers and perhaps a card - I really don't care, and don't ask for them. There is never a gift. I don't give a gift for Father's Day either.

My husband and I then call our respective mothers to wish them a happy day. That's it. No cards, no flowers. Just a nice conversation.

Seriously. Just enjoy the day reflecting on the fact that to all intents and purposes you're a devilishly lucky person with a family. It doesn't take any material goods to do that.

[Anonymous]

Sending you a hug OP. I agree Mother’s Day can be emotionally fraught.

My husband is great, but just not a good gift giver. So now I arrange my own Mother’s Day activities (massage, ask him to cook breakfast, do an art project at home while he takes kids to the park).

I do feel the pressure of calling/planning a Mother’s Day gift for my mother in law, mom, and aunt. I have asked him to take care of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dreading next weekend too. My mom died in February. I can't wait to not have to hear about Mother's Day gifts, sales, brunches, etc.

I’m so sorry. My mom died last April. I bought a Mother’s Day card and wrote everything I wanted to say to her, and dropped it in a mailbox. It helped me get through Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s birthday is always the same week. So the weekend is trumped by that, and of course his mother takes precedence in the celebrating.

And my own mother sent me a happy mother’s day card and present today, a week early, in a spectacularly passive aggressive move. Stunning really.

What's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm dreading next weekend too. My mom died in February. I can't wait to not have to hear about Mother's Day gifts, sales, brunches, etc.

I’m so sorry. My mom died last April. I bought a Mother’s Day card and wrote everything I wanted to say to her, and dropped it in a mailbox. It helped me get through Mother’s Day.

So sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s birthday is always the same week. So the weekend is trumped by that, and of course his mother takes precedence in the celebrating.

And my own mother sent me a happy mother’s day card and present today, a week early, in a spectacularly passive aggressive move. Stunning really.

What's wrong with that?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I really don't understand people like you. Stop expecting people to do extraordinary things for you. Stop doing things for ungrateful people.

For Mother's Day, I state clearly what I want, and knowing my family, I ask for things they can give. Usually I want them to clean the house, instead of me. That's all. I prefer to do my own fancy meal. My family gives me flowers and perhaps a card - I really don't care, and don't ask for them. There is never a gift. I don't give a gift for Father's Day either.

My husband and I then call our respective mothers to wish them a happy day. That's it. No cards, no flowers. Just a nice conversation.

Seriously. Just enjoy the day reflecting on the fact that to all intents and purposes you're a devilishly lucky person with a family. It doesn't take any material goods to do that.

I don’t know where in my post I implied this but I do not expect anyone to do anything at all extraordinary. And I do clearly state to my husband that I’d like him to as I said “do at least one thing, like getting flowers, so when 15 people ask me about this on Monday, I can say, ‘oh they got me flowers!’” I then told him on the day I was ordering flowers for my stepmom what I was doing. I’ve never asked for or gotten a material gift for Mother’s Day and don’t care about it either. It literally just feels shi!!ty when this comes up in conversation for a week and you have nothing to say, and then it feels shi!!y to be hurt about it when the only reason I’m hurt is this arbitrarily created concept.

Despite both my mom and stepmom being annoying about Mother’s Day, dealing with the aftermath of ignoring it is just not worth not putting in the emotional and physical labor this week. Every year I am faced with. “Deal with their Mother’s Day drama during or after the day?’ And after drama is longer and worse.

I don’t get people like you, I do appreciate how lucky I am. Very much. But don’t really understand what that has to do with my irritation that society has created a holiday for a group of people who frequently end up feeling like garbage that day. And then we’re told to like it and feel grateful for it.

It’s a day I don’t enjoy. And I’m not going to feel guilty about hating it in addition to everything else. That I get to feel guilty free!