Have you fostered kids?

[Anonymous]

I have friends that have done it , they are a gay couple and did it through Baltimore County. They did short term medical placements as well to give breaks to the primary foster parents, this may be a good place to start. Their first foster placement was for 2 boys who were homeless. They had them for a year and a half before they went back to family. They had to take the kids to therapy appts, deal with bathroom issues ( kids were 4 and 6) and be available to take the kids to and from visitation with bio parents. After that placement they got 2 more boys they have now adopted. The boys had visitation with some bio family and have some special needs. Since being adopted I had them both spend the night at my house to help them out with childcare and both kids stole from us. Money and a phone. We still see them regularly but not inside our house. We do hikes and outside stuff with them. They go to therapy once a week and the older one was hospitalized for mental health concerns with dangerous behavior when he was 11. He seems to be doing ok now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have considered just doing the emergency placement version. (I think they use such homes for short term placements, like in the middle of the night, until they can identify the foster family).

Does anyone have experiences with this?

We have not done this, but we knew a couple that did. They had a largeish family themselves, and occasionally did these emergency placements. I don't think it was an every single day kind of thing. They spoke very positively about it.

[Anonymous]

OP my DD is adopted. We used a private agency locally. In MD the bio mom has 30 days to change her mind so newborns will sometimes go to a foster mom for those 30 days before being placed. We met this foster mom when we picked DD up at 31 days and have stayed in touch, she came to DD’s baptism. She is a part of DD’s story...... I think it would be hard having a newborn 24/7 for upto a month personally but this person loves all the babies.

[Anonymous]

Current Foster Parent (single parent) here, former bio kid of foster parents as well. If your husband is not 100% onboard and involved ( not just "supportive" of you), I advise against it. This is not easy and once the children do something your husband doesn't like, hits one of your bio children, it could go very wrong very quickly. Parenting other peoples children takes a special heart and love. Its not easy and can break a relationship if both do not have the same spirit.

If you have a child that requires additional supports already, know that the children in care may have multiple health visits, family visits, social worker visits. Sometimes the social worker may be able to take them, but the transport burden falls on you generally. If hubby doesn't participate fully with your kids now, will you be stretched to thin?

As for whether the costs are covered, it all depends. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. For example, IF you have a big eater, maybe not. If you have kids in expensive activities, hockey, gymnastics, maybe not. But I am not one to necessarily track expenses, I buy what I want to buy (clothes etc) and am blessed to not have to worry as I can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone fostered older teenagers? What happened to them when they aged out?

[Anonymous]

Talk about a group that really needs help and support---older teens in foster care are the hardest population, but also the neediest. In that context, fostering isn't so much about achieving a temporary parental relationship as it is about building trust in a coaching/supportive role to teach life skills. Developmentally, teens are built to want to "separate" from their parents---even neurotypical teens in solid families usually go through those feelings. So fostering that age group is a different caretaking paradigm.

[Anonymous]

5/22 at 19:30 here again. I parented a teen only once. Because he went directly to college from HS and lived on campus, it became a situation where he recieved a small stipend directly from the agency when he was living on campus. The social worker visited him in person (his college was local) on campus and sometimes by phone. So no SW visits with me. On breaks he came home and the payments were to me directly during that time period. Social worker visits were then back at home with both of us. He maintained Medicaid insurance. Had dental work and medical issues taken care of on breaks, fully covered. Government coverage (foster and health) extended for 4 years I believe because he was in college. I don’t know if Afforable care Act increased the age.

The above was in another state, not DMV. I haven’t had teens here so I’m sure about the aging out process. But as PP said, it is about helping with life skills, same as your bio teens, but tenfold. My fellow foster parents that parent teens have expressed how very hard it has been. I have been a big chicken in this regard. Especially as a single parent.

[Anonymous]

PP here, and let me say that there is a tremendous need for families for teens, teen Moms in this area especially. If you have the space and heart for it, it could be wonderful to open your home and heart, eyes wide open, to a child that needs a home and support. God Bless you for even thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

One would expect that with teens there would be some kind of program that would teach them basic life skills and get them ready to live on their own.
I hear that despite all the benefits they qualify for, only 2% go to college.
Could that be because they are moved around so often during high school years or just nobody teaching them to even apply?
Do they get to learn how to drive?

[Anonymous]

One would expect that with teens there would be some kind of program that would teach them basic life skills and get them ready to live on their own.
I hear that despite all the benefits they qualify for, only 2% go to college.
Could that be because they are moved around so often during high school years or just nobody teaching them to even apply?
Do they get to learn how to drive?

Step back and think about all the years of life skills teaching that a foster child who has spent a decade or more being shuffled between foster homes and an unstable bio family will have missed.
Start with emotional regulation. A neurotypical child in a stable home learns those skills gradually through toddlerdom through elementary school.
Very basic stuff: Don't hit people. Don't scream at your teacher.
Then get into things like: Be on time. Call if you can't get somewhere.
Kids who grow up in dysfunction miss out on a lot of these very basic principles, which are best instilled in small children who are at a malleable age and want to please adults. Teaching those skills to teens is a lot harder because they are at a developmental stage which is hard-wired to want to rebel against instruction.
Then add in the reality that a large percentage of kids in foster care are struggling with the effects of pre-natal alcohol and drug exposure that cause learning disabilities and emotional dysregulation, not to mention emotional trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP my DD is adopted. We used a private agency locally. In MD the bio mom has 30 days to change her mind so newborns will sometimes go to a foster mom for those 30 days before being placed. We met this foster mom when we picked DD up at 31 days and have stayed in touch, she came to DD’s baptism. She is a part of DD’s story...... I think it would be hard having a newborn 24/7 for upto a month personally but this person loves all the babies.

new poster here. I have wanted always wanted to do this, once my kids were grown. Years ago, I met a family in Virginia who took babies from the hospital for this short-term purpose many times. But I never have been able to find a place in Maryland (where I live) to learn about or register as this type of foster parent. Does anyone have more information? I love all babies too, and am about to be an empty nester

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

One would expect that with teens there would be some kind of program that would teach them basic life skills and get them ready to live on their own.
I hear that despite all the benefits they qualify for, only 2% go to college.
Could that be because they are moved around so often during high school years or just nobody teaching them to even apply?
Do they get to learn how to drive?

Step back and think about all the years of life skills teaching that a foster child who has spent a decade or more being shuffled between foster homes and an unstable bio family will have missed.
Start with emotional regulation. A neurotypical child in a stable home learns those skills gradually through toddlerdom through elementary school.
Very basic stuff: Don't hit people. Don't scream at your teacher.
Then get into things like: Be on time. Call if you can't get somewhere.
Kids who grow up in dysfunction miss out on a lot of these very basic principles, which are best instilled in small children who are at a malleable age and want to please adults. Teaching those skills to teens is a lot harder because they are at a developmental stage which is hard-wired to want to rebel against instruction.
Then add in the reality that a large percentage of kids in foster care are struggling with the effects of pre-natal alcohol and drug exposure that cause learning disabilities and emotional dysregulation, not to mention emotional trauma.

Surely most have not been in foster care for a decade?
All kids are not taken into care as preschoolers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
One would expect that with teens there would be some kind of program that would teach them basic life skills and get them ready to live on their own.
I hear that despite all the benefits they qualify for, only 2% go to college.
Could that be because they are moved around so often during high school years or just nobody teaching them to even apply?
Do they get to learn how to drive?


Step back and think about all the years of life skills teaching that a foster child who has spent a decade or more being shuffled between foster homes and an unstable bio family will have missed.
Start with emotional regulation. A neurotypical child in a stable home learns those skills gradually through toddlerdom through elementary school.
Very basic stuff: Don't hit people. Don't scream at your teacher.
Then get into things like: Be on time. Call if you can't get somewhere.
Kids who grow up in dysfunction miss out on a lot of these very basic principles, which are best instilled in small children who are at a malleable age and want to please adults. Teaching those skills to teens is a lot harder because they are at a developmental stage which is hard-wired to want to rebel against instruction.
Then add in the reality that a large percentage of kids in foster care are struggling with the effects of pre-natal alcohol and drug exposure that cause learning disabilities and emotional dysregulation, not to mention emotional trauma.


Surely most have not been in foster care for a decade?

I would like to see the statistics on this as well, though when I wrote the original quote above I did not mean that teens would have spent a continuous decade in foster care; rather I meant that because the priority for the foster care system is family reunification, and because there is a large percentage (not all, but substantial) of bioparents who cannot manage to stay functional, then there are a substantial number of kids who rotate from foster parent back to bio parent and back into foster care. With maybe some occasional kinship placement along the way, but the overall effect is instability which is not conducive for a child's mental or emotional health, nor for learning the type of basic lifeskills that enable graduation from high school, let alone college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One would expect that with teens there would be some kind of program that would teach them basic life skills and get them ready to live on their own.
I hear that despite all the benefits they qualify for, only 2% go to college.
Could that be because they are moved around so often during high school years or just nobody teaching them to even apply?
Do they get to learn how to drive?


Step back and think about all the years of life skills teaching that a foster child who has spent a decade or more being shuffled between foster homes and an unstable bio family will have missed.
Start with emotional regulation. A neurotypical child in a stable home learns those skills gradually through toddlerdom through elementary school.
Very basic stuff: Don't hit people. Don't scream at your teacher.
Then get into things like: Be on time. Call if you can't get somewhere.
Kids who grow up in dysfunction miss out on a lot of these very basic principles, which are best instilled in small children who are at a malleable age and want to please adults. Teaching those skills to teens is a lot harder because they are at a developmental stage which is hard-wired to want to rebel against instruction.
Then add in the reality that a large percentage of kids in foster care are struggling with the effects of pre-natal alcohol and drug exposure that cause learning disabilities and emotional dysregulation, not to mention emotional trauma.


Surely most have not been in foster care for a decade?

I would like to see the statistics on this as well, though when I wrote the original quote above I did not mean that teens would have spent a continuous decade in foster care; rather I meant that because the priority for the foster care system is family reunification, and because there is a large percentage (not all, but substantial) of bioparents who cannot manage to stay functional, then there are a substantial number of kids who rotate from foster parent back to bio parent and back into foster care. With maybe some occasional kinship placement along the way, but the overall effect is instability which is not conducive for a child's mental or emotional health, nor for learning the type of basic lifeskills that enable graduation from high school, let alone college.

This leads me to ask, if the fostering could be avoided by providing support for the existing family?

Also, are they given any preparation to live on their own, like even how to clean the fridge, use washing machine, budget, use bus service, cook food or shop for groceries, navigate insurance and book Dr appointments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One would expect that with teens there would be some kind of program that would teach them basic life skills and get them ready to live on their own.
I hear that despite all the benefits they qualify for, only 2% go to college.
Could that be because they are moved around so often during high school years or just nobody teaching them to even apply?
Do they get to learn how to drive?

Step back and think about all the years of life skills teaching that a foster child who has spent a decade or more being shuffled between foster homes and an unstable bio family will have missed.
Start with emotional regulation. A neurotypical child in a stable home learns those skills gradually through toddlerdom through elementary school.
Very basic stuff: Don't hit people. Don't scream at your teacher.
Then get into things like: Be on time. Call if you can't get somewhere.
Kids who grow up in dysfunction miss out on a lot of these very basic principles, which are best instilled in small children who are at a malleable age and want to please adults. Teaching those skills to teens is a lot harder because they are at a developmental stage which is hard-wired to want to rebel against instruction.
Then add in the reality that a large percentage of kids in foster care are struggling with the effects of pre-natal alcohol and drug exposure that cause learning disabilities and emotional dysregulation, not to mention emotional trauma.

Surely most have not been in foster care for a decade?
All kids are not taken into care as preschoolers

Sure. There are a couple of teens out there whose parent or grandparent dies and they end up in foster care for a short time as a teen. But for most, even if they weren't always formally in foster care, it's very very likely that their home situation was unstable with drug use, abuse, homelessness, etc, since forever.

I grew up with foster siblings. I remember the infant in the full body cast because his mom's boyfriend threw him down the stairs; the 4 yo who went home on weekends to an apartment without electricity or a refrigerator and would come back having not eaten anything for 2 days; the 10 yo boy who would hold his head and just rock and rock because his parents had found that CPS couldn't tell if they abused him if they hit him on his head because the bruises were covered by hair (turns out he had a skull fracture); the 3 yo who would jump off of things to try to kill herself over and over, including throwing herself down the stairs and off of windowsils; and an Asian baby of immigrants who was gravely ill but who had been abandoned at birth so the hospital decided to stop treating him because he couldn't pay so they sent him to foster care with instructions to call the ambulance when he died.