Have you fostered kids?

[Anonymous]

I’m interested in hearing peoples experiences fostering children. I have long thought this is something I’d like to do, especially for infants or toddlers. However, it’s not something my husband is very interested in.

[Anonymous]

I'd do so more research, but I think having your husband on board is a key part of it. Have him do some research as well to just learn more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do so more research, but I think having your husband on board is a key part of it. Have him do some research as well to just learn more.

Yes, this is clear to me. But I’d like to hear about the experiences of people who have done it, good or bad. And if they did it as a couple, or single parent. If they had kids of their own, and if so how it impacted them. Whether the money from the foster agency truly covered the expenses for the child or if they had to invest a lot of their own money.

[Anonymous]

I have not done it but would like to when my kids are much older or out of the house. I’ve had friends who have done it. It’s very hard. The goal is almost always reunification. This is hard because you get attached to the child and come to believe that you would provide them with a better life. This is true but the system leans in favor of reunification even if the odds are good mom will f up again and the kid goes back into foster care. Because the goal is almost always reunification you need to take child to visits with mom. Again this is very hard according to friends.

[Anonymous]

I have and it’s hard. If your husband is not interested I think it can be very bad for your marriage tbh.

It’s been tough on mine and we are both on board. I would recommend looking into it to hear more:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fosterparents/

CWTA training classes function as a de facto support group. When they are meeting in person you would hear a lot of stories.

There is another local support group but I can’t find the name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have and it’s hard. If your husband is not interested I think it can be very bad for your marriage tbh.

It’s been tough on mine and we are both on board. I would recommend looking into it to hear more:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fosterparents/

CWTA training classes function as a de facto support group. When they are meeting in person you would hear a lot of stories.

There is another local support group but I can’t find the name.

Why would the application go through if one spouse is obviously saying no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have and it’s hard. If your husband is not interested I think it can be very bad for your marriage tbh.

It’s been tough on mine and we are both on board. I would recommend looking into it to hear more:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fosterparents/

CWTA training classes function as a de facto support group. When they are meeting in person you would hear a lot of stories.

There is another local support group but I can’t find the name.

Do you ever have contact with the foster child's family? Wondering about safety issues.

[Anonymous]

I’m a current foster parent. My husband and I have no biological kids, and have been doing this for four years. We’ve had kids stay as long as 18 months. It’s the hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Reunifying kids with their families is something I’m really proud of doing.

[Anonymous]

Never have I ever, heard a foster parent say that the stipend was enough to cover their kiddos expenses.

I’m also in early stages of figuring it out too, but I’m also an ex-foster if you’re interested in hearing my POV, or have any questions.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP, thank you for all the replies. It took me a long time to find my post because it got moved to a different forum. Obviously we wouldn’t do it if my husband was actively saying no. It’s just that he wouldn’t be very involved. I have pulled most of the weight in raising our own children. (He has Aspergers.) Obviously it’s completely different, but I have fostered a lot of animals. Mostly cats. But I have learned I can be happy when they found a good home even if I get really attached. I hope I’ll be able to love children and also be happy when they can go back to their own families. I wouldn’t be tempted to adopt because I really couldn’t ask for that level of commitment from my husband. I’d also wait until our kids go off to college.

[Anonymous]

I have considered just doing the emergency placement version. (I think they use such homes for short term placements, like in the middle of the night, until they can identify the foster family).

Does anyone have experiences with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a current foster parent. My husband and I have no biological kids, and have been doing this for four years. We’ve had kids stay as long as 18 months. It’s the hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Reunifying kids with their families is something I’m really proud of doing.

Isn't it more heart breaking though... eventually siblings get divided up between relatives (b/c blood relatives trumps you and DH fostering), returning kid(s) to the super-sucky parents(and homelife) of whom they were oroginally removed from, no therapy for the trauma, going back to instability, etc.

I'm not saying fostering isn't helpful, but don't think it's necessarily rewarding and everyone lives happily ever. That's rare The kids have mental and physical baggage which can make behavior, trust, emotions, and the like really hard on everyone.

YMMV obviously. Cases and situations and your locality will range wildly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a current foster parent. My husband and I have no biological kids, and have been doing this for four years. We’ve had kids stay as long as 18 months. It’s the hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Reunifying kids with their families is something I’m really proud of doing.

Isn't it more heart breaking though... eventually siblings get divided up between relatives (b/c blood relatives trumps you and DH fostering), returning kid(s) to the super-sucky parents(and homelife) of whom they were oroginally removed from, no therapy for the trauma, going back to instability, etc.

I'm not saying fostering isn't helpful, but don't think it's necessarily rewarding and everyone lives happily ever. That's rare The kids have mental and physical baggage which can make behavior, trust, emotions, and the like really hard on everyone.

YMMV obviously. Cases and situations and your locality will range wildly.

I’m sure it often truly IS better for the child to go back to their family, even if they have struggles.

[Anonymous]

Foster parent here. In our cases, we’ve had multiple infants who’ve returned home to changed parents who’ve gotten the help they need to be safe parents. It may not be the white upper middle class environment we offer, but their parents truly love their kids. The research shows that staying with biological family is the best possible outcome if possible.

[Anonymous]

If you already have a high needs child than fostering other high needs children is not a good plan. And yes infants and toddlers aren’t easier. They do have issues, need therapy and doctors appts on schedules often set by someone else and then visitation appts that are hard emotionally on small children.