If you had two under two and then had a third

[Anonymous]

We have kids 21 months apart, then the third 4 years later. Now that they are all 10+, it's not great for the youngest. The older two are great friends, share many interests and experiences, and like to hang out. The third is the annoying little sib the older two never want to hang out with.

It's hard on the youngest to see the older 2 so close but be excluded from that. We kind of wish they were either closer together or that we had a 4th close to the third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have kids 21 months apart, then the third 4 years later. Now that they are all 10+, it's not great for the youngest. The older two are great friends, share many interests and experiences, and like to hang out. The third is the annoying little sib the older two never want to hang out with.

It's hard on the youngest to see the older 2 so close but be excluded from that. We kind of wish they were either closer together or that we had a 4th close to the third.

I am a precious poster and I get worried about that too. My first two are 19 months apart and girls. My third is 3.5 years younger than the 2nd and 5 years younger than the 1st. And a boy. I am worried he won’t be as close to the girls (who are super close) as they grow up. But I don’t want a fourth.

[Anonymous]

3.5 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have kids 21 months apart, then the third 4 years later. Now that they are all 10+, it's not great for the youngest. The older two are great friends, share many interests and experiences, and like to hang out. The third is the annoying little sib the older two never want to hang out with.

It's hard on the youngest to see the older 2 so close but be excluded from that. We kind of wish they were either closer together or that we had a 4th close to the third.

22:16 here and I WAS worried about that before the third was born, but I’m not so much anymore because we had a third boy. If he had been a girl, we might consider a 4th closer in age. But since they’re all boys I think it’ll work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First two are 20 months apart. Then the youngest came when the oldest were 5 and 3

This is us too.

We’re close too. Ours were 21 months then 6 and 4 when #3 came. We needed a break 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 years and I am SO SO SO glad. My third is 10 weeks old now.

My first two are 18 months apart.
Now they are 5.5 and 4. Baby is 10 weeks.

I’m loving life. Older boys play together all day and do their own thing. Middle boy isn’t jealous of baby because he just does his own thing or plays with brother.

By contrast, my good friend had her third at the same time but her kids are 4, 2, and 10 weeks.

My life is 100% easier, at least for now.

4 years is the way to go. I don’t know why more people don’t do this. Kids with a 2 year age gap are so jealous and competitive towards one another and parents live in chaos trying to manage everything. Not at all the case for those with a 4 year gap.

[Anonymous]

First two are 19 mon apart, the third is 5 yrs later.

I felt overwhelmed with the first two for the young yrs (no help, no family, DH working long hrs). I was unsure if we even wanted a third for a long time.

Having had both a short and long age gap, I can say short age gaps are harder in the beginning but the long game is so much easier. Big age gaps are the opposite. The first yr was easy because big kids were at school and I got a ton of 1:1 baby time. But now that youngest is 4 is very hard to manage the vast development and interest differences. But I suspect it will be easier again once youngest is old enough to pretty much do everything, stay (happily) awake all day, and is past the meltdown phase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 years and I am SO SO SO glad. My third is 10 weeks old now.

My first two are 18 months apart.
Now they are 5.5 and 4. Baby is 10 weeks.

I’m loving life. Older boys play together all day and do their own thing. Middle boy isn’t jealous of baby because he just does his own thing or plays with brother.

By contrast, my good friend had her third at the same time but her kids are 4, 2, and 10 weeks.

My life is 100% easier, at least for now.

Yeah, just wait. The hard part is coming your way, depending on how active you are with the older two and if you have a nanny that stays home with the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Gap between first two was 24 months. Then 37 months until the third.

[Anonymous]

First gap 18mo
Second gap 28mo

I will say that the gap between 2 and 3 felt a lot easier in terms of what a 28mo was able to do/understand when I was busy with the baby. But it also took the 2nd and 3rd kid longer to establish their relationship and really enjoy each other. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First Galway 15 months, second was 24. They are such good friends. It was awesome

OP here- this is sort of the spacing we're contemplating. First gap 15 months and trying now (and succeeding) would mean a 20-24 month gap. It would also mean three under three. But now that we're in a groove I'm debating...upset the apple cart and throw us back into chaos and just be done? Or since we're already in chaos what's one more?

Truthfully the longer we wait the less I think I'll be inclined for a third.

[Anonymous]

First 2 are 18 months apart. There is a 3 year 4 month gap between 2nd and 3rd. That is because it took us about a year to conceive that 3rd kid. I love the spacing. The addition of the 3rd is 100000% easier than it was having 2 kids under 2. Now kids are 8.5, 7 and 3.5. IT's awesome - they all play together, older ones help the baby read and get dressed and color, and they build forts for him. Love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First Galway 15 months, second was 24. They are such good friends. It was awesome

OP here- this is sort of the spacing we're contemplating. First gap 15 months and trying now (and succeeding) would mean a 20-24 month gap. It would also mean three under three. But now that we're in a groove I'm debating...upset the apple cart and throw us back into chaos and just be done? Or since we're already in chaos what's one more?

Truthfully the longer we wait the less I think I'll be inclined for a third.

I never ended up having a third even though I wanted one. By the time I felt I could have done it my 2 kids were 4 and 6. Right now life is relatively easy bc they are very close, have same interests, do everything together, so we do a lot together as a family. For me personally, even though I could manage it now, I am less inclined bc they are 6 and 8 and I think the age gap would be too wide. Mine are independent now and the thought of having to start over again with sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, etc and not much in common with the older 2.

If I had a redo and had more energy and time, I would have done 3 back to back.

[Anonymous]

13 mos then 24 mos. yes, was busy at first but we had a parent at home. Would not change it as we are very active so things like skiing or vacations are so easy as all are close to the same level. I think having a large lag would have made returning to workforce and childcare harder from a longer term perspective. Plus- they all look out for one another in school which I love

[Anonymous]

First gap 18 months.
Second gap 23 months.

Then we had a 4th 13 months later. While I wouldn't recommend that we solved the problem of the 3rd one feeling left out.