DH pushes me away from DC

[Anonymous]

You’re also nuts, OP. It seems like you can’t describe a particular issue without going off on really odd tangents intended to underscore how weird everyone else in your orbit is. You need to work on yourself first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does he respond if you call him out on it, whether in public or private? Did you say, "It hurt that you took credit for the Easter treats when I was the one to do all the work."?

He (like his mom) changes the subject - "Oh I was doing (moot thing here) I had no idea you wanted (thing that actually happened)". Gaslighting. I have found that putting things in writing (texting) helps from becoming multiple, exhausting "he said/she said" circles - his favorite! The good news is, he is extremely predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re also nuts, OP. It seems like you can’t describe a particular issue without going off on really odd tangents intended to underscore how weird everyone else in your orbit is. You need to work on yourself first.

This. The fact that OP doesn't think she's also adding to the toxicity of this situation is laughable.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy OP. Youre handling this situation poorly and clearly you have no backbone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re also nuts, OP. It seems like you can’t describe a particular issue without going off on really odd tangents intended to underscore how weird everyone else in your orbit is. You need to work on yourself first.

Wow. Sorry if you don't like my examples. Yes, I am working on myself, thank you. It is hard to live with a gaslighter, and easy to lose one's footing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re also nuts, OP. It seems like you can’t describe a particular issue without going off on really odd tangents intended to underscore how weird everyone else in your orbit is. You need to work on yourself first.

This. The fact that OP doesn't think she's also adding to the toxicity of this situation is laughable.

Sometimes people get mentally beaten down and ask for help, not more mental beatings. The OP was wondering if anyone had any constructive information.

[Anonymous]

I’m not totally clear on the dynamic. Maybe it’s subtle and hard to describe? Or maybe I’m just not getting it.

Why is DH taking credit for things causing all of this tension with your child? I don’t understand how that pushes you out; is he trash-talking you to your child?

[Anonymous]

Op, I had a boyfriend like this in college. His parents were divorced and he had blended families on both sides and major messed up dynamics. I noticed that when we were taking care of my younger cousin, it was almost like a competition where he was trying to get my younger cousin to like him more, or make clear he was cooler and more important to the cousin. It’s hard to explain but I get what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I had a boyfriend like this in college. His parents were divorced and he had blended families on both sides and major messed up dynamics. I noticed that when we were taking care of my younger cousin, it was almost like a competition where he was trying to get my younger cousin to like him more, or make clear he was cooler and more important to the cousin. It’s hard to explain but I get what you mean.

Yes! Any attention is better than no attention. Stunted.

[Anonymous]

I still don't understand the dynamic. I need more concrete examples/dialogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand the dynamic. I need more concrete examples/dialogue.

See 11:36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand the dynamic. I need more concrete examples/dialogue.

See 11:36.

So, let me try to put this together based on all OP's vague complaints.

OPH: Didn't I make a lovely Easter brunch?
OP: You didn't help at all with Easter
OPH: You wanted me to help with Easter? I was powerwashing the deck.

Is this right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not totally clear on the dynamic. Maybe it’s subtle and hard to describe? Or maybe I’m just not getting it.

Why is DH taking credit for things causing all of this tension with your child? I don’t understand how that pushes you out; is he trash-talking you to your child?

PP here and my question was awkwardly worded, sorry. Meant - why is the fact that your DH is taking credit for things creating such a negative dynamic with your child? How does that “push you away”? I get that it’s annoying, but not understanding why your relationship with your child is suffering.

[Anonymous]

I have no concrete advice, OP. Just wanted to say that this sounds exhausting. I'm so sorry you have to deal with it and I wish you the best of luck in figuring out your next steps.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me a little bit of some folks I know who are "toppers," in that they always have done everything better or more interesting than everyone else in the group. Those people are super exhausting, but always shut up once you call them out on it.

Not sure how the dynamic is playing out with your kid and driving a wedge, though. We are a family of 3 and so we are super careful about trying not to form bonds with 1 parent and kid against the other parent. This tends to happen with my son and I unintentionally because we are very similar, personality-wise, and my husband can easily feel left out if I'm not careful.