Boundaries with grandparents
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Anonymous
Has OP confirmed that neither she nor her spouse have it? And this is a permanent and forever ban on the grandparents ever kissing their children? Seems like a bit of an overreaction. |
Anonymous
NP. I get cold sores and have since I was a young child. I never kids my kids on their face at all, and I don’t kiss them anywhere if I have a cold sore, obviously. They are 5 and nearly 1, and it has worked out so far. Outright ban on any kissing seems a bit overboard to me. |
Anonymous
WHO estimates 45% of the US population has HSV-1. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus You can spread it without kissing, though, such as if the grandparent were to wipe their fingers against their mouth and then touch the baby’s cheek. So if OP is really concerned about this, she might not want the grandparents holding the baby at all, ever. |
Anonymous
OP - are they your parents or the in-laws? If the former, they already know you are insane and the rules won't phase them. Don't pay attention to these other posters. If its the in-laws, maybe tone it down some? Like from a 10 down to a 2? |
Anonymous
Your rules won’t phase your parents because your parents will ignore them. |
Anonymous
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Typical ungrateful FTM.
If you want to protect your “boundaries”, OP, stay home. |
Anonymous
| Ask your pediatrician about kissing on, say, the back of the head. I definitely see the point on no mouth kisses (obviously) and even no cheek kisses, but there might be some room for forehead/top of head/back of head? |
Anonymous
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Can everyone give OP a break? My babies were born during "normal times," and even then I did receive guidance from our pediatrician about health issues (both were born in winter) about flu, whooping cough, etc.
My pediatrician absolutely advised us about grandparents getting vaccines, etc. He said on-mouth kisses are a definite no, and he advised that kisses go on the top of the head, etc. OP is just trying to go off of medical advice from a pediatrician during a pandemic, yes? This must be a scary time to be a new parent. How about just a wee bit of grace? |
Anonymous
| Are you a FTM? Who shows a 6 month old screens? Do you have a lot of anxiety in general? You sound a little kooky. I don't know that they deserve this. Try, try, try to remember that you are not the first person to have a baby in the history of the world. Pop. approaching 8 billion. |
Anonymous
| Wait - you are going there for the summer? I think you need to respect their boundaries, right? That is how it goes in every possible view of etiquette. Your child is incredible and precious to YOU. You can't expect everyone else to share your exact feelings and beliefs. They allllll had kids, too. |
Anonymous
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By this summer the baby will be 9 months or so? Or is the baby a newborn now and will be 6 months this summer? Nobody can tell you what to do with your child, but I agree that your rule that grandparents can't kiss the baby seems unreasonable. Just know that if you do this, there will be hurt feelings at the very least. Just imagine your future DIL saying this to you, as a grandparent.
And this screen time thing. So, just don't put on cartoons and put the baby in front of the TV. I hope you don't mean that the TV can not be on at all when the baby is around. |
Anonymous
No. I cannot give anyone a break who accepts a summer’s worth of hospitality and immed launches into a question about screen boundaries! |
Anonymous
| OP, congrats on your new baby. Being a FTM is stressful and doing it in the midst of a global pandemic certainly makes it worse. I think that your options are: (a) stay home and enforce your no-kissing rules or (b) exhale and let it go. My kids are older now, but the first time I dropped them off to spend a couple of weeks with their grandparents, I had a long list of rules/schedule/etc. My mom looked at me and said: The only thing that I promise you is that they will be alive when you come back to get them. And you know what? It all worked out. I am sure they watched a lot of television and ate a lot of sweets, but they had a great bonding time with their grandparents. That latter is the most important thing that cannot be replace with anything else in the world. Remember to breathe and enjoy your baby and your time with your parents/in-laws. I hope you choose to go. |
Anonymous
+1 We got the same advice. Blame it on your doctor if you need to. I really don't think "no kissing" is such a big deal. And it is perfectly reasonable to set boundaries. It's your kid and you know what is best. Don't lose confidence on this because of people here. One other thing I'd watch out for is safe sleep. My MIL really pushed napping with my baby. Lots of "I did it with my kids and it was fine." That was a hard no and very annoying to deal with. |
Anonymous
- 1. The looking to set up boundaries for other people in their home for three months is both wrong and entitled. This is her parents or in-laws HOME. OP is the guest. Yes, of course, she can ask grandparents not to kiss the baby for health concerns but little else. If you don’t want your baby napping with your in-laws, don’t have them babysit. |