Brutal relationship advice from the internet’s most ruthless dating site

[Anonymous]

I certainly agree with evaluating the man before you are emotionally committed. Twice (EXH and a post-divorce BF) I kinda fell in love with their family or friends even while I still had some reservations about the guy himself.

I’m remarried. I refused to meet anyone in DH’s life until we had dated 6 months. His friends used to tease him that I was a Canadian GF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a bunch of bitter angry cat ladies dispensing advice to young gullible women

It is. There is almost nothing of actual self-improvement advice.to be found there.

[Anonymous]

Switch from Vice to Slate, probably a better fit for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

I didn't 'make anyone wait' as a strategy, but my husband and I didn't have sex for months. He could tell I was into him, physically and otherwise, so it wasn't really a problem. And we were young. Sex is sex, but it's also a proxy for "does she have a libido?" and "does she like me/is she invested in me?" and if you give him reasons to answer "yes" to both of those, it's different from if you're pulling away when he goes in for a kiss.

[Anonymous]

Be nice enjoy sex with him respect him


Nice comments. But isn't the actual hard truth is finding the guy who deserves that?


So many young women are looking for status/financial support in a marriage MARKET and are "selling themselves" and "working it" to "get" what they want.

Our culture needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

Worked great for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

Wow—you would just assume that simply because someone doesn’t have sex with you by xyz date. Where’s the communication?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

Wow—you would just assume that simply because someone doesn’t have sex with you by xyz date. Where’s the communication?

I think he’s just trying to make us eat our hearts out because we’ll have to miss out on him if we don’t have sex right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

Wow—you would just assume that simply because someone doesn’t have sex with you by xyz date. Where’s the communication?

NP: I would dump a man if he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. He wouldn't be wrong for wanting to wait until he's comfortable to have sex and I wouldn't be wrong for wanting to have sex sooner. Sexual mismatches do occur, no one is the "bad guy" it's just a lack of compatibility.

I don't understand why people get so upset about this. Some of us want to have sex pretty early on, others want to wait. Different strokes (ha).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

Amal definitely made him wait. Higher caliber of woman than the bimbos he used to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

Wow—you would just assume that simply because someone doesn’t have sex with you by xyz date. Where’s the communication?

NP: I would dump a man if he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. He wouldn't be wrong for wanting to wait until he's comfortable to have sex and I wouldn't be wrong for wanting to have sex sooner. Sexual mismatches do occur, no one is the "bad guy" it's just a lack of compatibility.

I don't understand why people get so upset about this. Some of us want to have sex pretty early on, others want to wait. Different strokes (ha).

I totally agree with this. Compatibility matters. It’s the assumption that gets me. Early on or later on I would like to think should be based on wants/communication versus silent assumptions. No one can read anyone’s mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like terrible advice. I particularly think pushing back in the arbitrary “men expect sex by the third date” bs is good. Women should have Alex when they feel comfortable doing so and when they’d like to and that’s often (mostly!) not by the third date. Many have been socialized to fake being good with it because they’re “chill.”

Good luck with that "make him wait" strategy

So you’re against women having sex when they are comfortable and want to? And instead think they should just plan on putting out by the third date? Good luck with that strategy!

Women can have sex whenever they want. If they aren't into doing it reasonably early, I have to assume they don't like me and I should move on. I doubt George Clooney ever waits beyond the first 20 minutes of a date.

Wow—you would just assume that simply because someone doesn’t have sex with you by xyz date. Where’s the communication?

NP: I would dump a man if he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. He wouldn't be wrong for wanting to wait until he's comfortable to have sex and I wouldn't be wrong for wanting to have sex sooner. Sexual mismatches do occur, no one is the "bad guy" it's just a lack of compatibility.

I don't understand why people get so upset about this. Some of us want to have sex pretty early on, others want to wait. Different strokes (ha).

I totally agree with this. Compatibility matters. It’s the assumption that gets me. Early on or later on I would like to think should be based on wants/communication versus silent assumptions. No one can read anyone’s mind.

But that's a lot of work for having just met someone. If there are problems within the first few dates I don't think the relationship is going to be sustainable. The first few dates are about compatibility and everything should be new/fun. If you need couple's therapy that early on frankly you should just cut and run.