Making friends with immigrant families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you need to invite the whole family over or to an outing like meeting at a park due to covid. Many immigrant families do things as a family and as a pp said, would not trust just having their kid go to someone's house they don't know. Wouldn't do drop off birthdays either.

Yeah - there’s a really cute book called The Red Lollipop that talks about this concept.

This. Grew up in an immigrant family.

You should start by knowing the mom. Invite the mom over.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I had never thought of inviting the whole family. I’ll definitely try to that next time I reach out. It’s just been really hard to get their contacts, but maybe as my kids grow older, they can get it themselves. And yes, I truly love my diverse neighborhood, on one side the family is from Rwanda, across the street, Asian, other side Pakistan, how cool is that?!

[Anonymous]

I'm an immigrant and I'm not into my family. My parents still live in the old country, and I see my sister, who lives 30 minutes away, about 5 times a year.
I just really don't care for the playdate stuff or birthdays. My parents had really easy time raising us because it was done by the government through daycare and schools. The rest of the time children simply roamed free. I wish for the easiness my parents had, and I don't want to have to drive my kids back and forth- something my parent never had to do. Call me lazy. Kids are a lot of work, especially in US where you can't leave them alone for a second.
They can play with their friends at school, in aftercare or when we happened to go to playground. I will also give them a lot of free time to do whatever when in middle school. I feel like a hostage when the playdates and birthdays come up.

[Anonymous]

May or may not happen, sorry. After spending the entire workweek with white Americans, they may want to relax on weekends with people they know well and who speak the same language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May or may not happen, sorry. After spending the entire workweek with white Americans, they may want to relax on weekends with people they know well and who speak the same language.

This.

[Anonymous]

No one is wanting to go hang out with people they don't know during covid times. But immigrants especially probably have no interest in meeting you at the park

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in an area where the vast majority of families are immigrants, which is one of the reasons I love my neighborhood. However, I’m having really hard time making friends with the families. My kids are very friendly with their kids at school but whenever I try to set up play dates, they don’t respond to me, and I understand many are not fluent in English, but they have ignored birthday party invitations too. I’m at a loss on how to get the kids together. My elementary age DD is sad that she can’t talk to some of her friends. It’s a little easier with my 10 yo because he can set up his own virtual playdates in the form of gaming without parent involvement, but I have yet to hear from his best friends parents from over two years. It feels like they want to stick to their “own kind” which defeats the whole purpose of living in a diverse area. Of course not all are like this but it seems like the vast majority of my children’s friends are like this. Any ideas on how to encourage them to be friendlier? With quarantining, I don’t even see them anymore at school events so I really don’t know how to get the parents to respond.

During Covid??

We limit our social circles to families we’re Ok with their precautions.

[Anonymous]

Put your kids on a soccer team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused as to why you preface your post by claiming how you love living in a mostly immigrant neighborhood when it’s clear that the end result is that you and your children feel isolated and are struggling to make connections. It seems like you like the idea in theory/being able to claim your “woke” creds but not so much in practice.

You suck.

Her post seems “how can I make people do a thing they don’t want to do.” Some of the suggestions are good, e.g., invite the entire family on an outing. But ultimately this might not be the issue - it could just be any other social situation where certain people just don’t want to do what you are asking them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May or may not happen, sorry. After spending the entire workweek with white Americans, they may want to relax on weekends with people they know well and who speak the same language.

This.

Where I grew up there were hardly any families speaking our language.

Just remember that immigrant families have special challenges. Many are isolated with no family help and may not have much social time due to the effort needed to deal with everything in a new country. If you invite, I would make it brief and flexible — ex. non-Covid time, would you like to come over and have tea and dessert one day? Just a quick one, as I know you are probably busy with the kids... I would like very much to meet you since Larlo says your child is a good friend. Let me know if you have the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused as to why you preface your post by claiming how you love living in a mostly immigrant neighborhood when it’s clear that the end result is that you and your children feel isolated and are struggling to make connections. It seems like you like the idea in theory/being able to claim your “woke” creds but not so much in practice.

This, and I am an immigrant. My child used to go to school with many immigrant kids and heck, I felt isolated! Same as you described. Moved him to a school with many American families as well as more educated immigrant families and boom, he had playdates and birthday parties. It’s also a socioeconomic issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I had never thought of inviting the whole family. I’ll definitely try to that next time I reach out. It’s just been really hard to get their contacts, but maybe as my kids grow older, they can get it themselves. And yes, I truly love my diverse neighborhood, on one side the family is from Rwanda, across the street, Asian, other side Pakistan, how cool is that?!

Immigrant here. I am sorry but it’s not cool if you and your kids feel isolated. You don’t need to bend over backwards to make them feel comfortable enough to get a playdate for your kids. Just find your crowd. Also immigrants who came over on work visas are very different from asylum seekers. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Also wanted to add that with the pandemic I stopped reaching out to American families of my DS’s friends because honestly with my own kind we can easily agree on mask rules that a usually more relaxed than those of a typical American household.
I would send my kid if he were invited but I have no desire to be masked for the full duration of a play date in my house or at a park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you need to invite the whole family over or to an outing like meeting at a park due to covid. Many immigrant families do things as a family and as a pp said, would not trust just having their kid go to someone's house they don't know. Wouldn't do drop off birthdays either.

I am now a grown adult from an immigrant family and this is completely true. We always (and still do) things as a complete family. You know that entire family grocery shopping? That’s me. Growing up I was not allowed to do drop off parties or even sleepovers. My family would come. We recognize that there was a difference with American families and along with the language barrier there wasn’t a lot of cross invitations even though everybody was friendly with each other. Some situations were uncomfortable because of this (even the most well-meaning families).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you need to invite the whole family over or to an outing like meeting at a park due to covid. Many immigrant families do things as a family and as a pp said, would not trust just having their kid go to someone's house they don't know. Wouldn't do drop off birthdays either.

I am now a grown adult from an immigrant family and this is completely true. We always (and still do) things as a complete family. You know that entire family grocery shopping? That’s me. Growing up I was not allowed to do drop off parties or even sleepovers. My family would come. We recognize that there was a difference with American families and along with the language barrier there wasn’t a lot of cross invitations even though everybody was friendly with each other. Some situations were uncomfortable because of this (even the most well-meaning families).

Oh boy. I don’t care what you do with other families but please don’t go grocery shopping as a family. Signed, another immigrant.