20 year old not allowed to date???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same religion? I am guessing not. Tell your son to move on.

I think OP is also Christian but the "friends" are like ... VERY Christian.

[Anonymous]

I have family members like this. The girls are not allowed to date. There is no dating just courting and the guy would have to be part of the church.

[Anonymous]

This is just gross. I can't imagine having much in common with so much sexism and gawd knows what else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is 20. Tell him to run the other way. He is far too young to get involved in this craziness. I don’t care how nice this girl is, can you imagine being a son in law of this family? There are plenty plenty of other girls. If you want to help this girl escape an abusive situation I am sure there are plenty of resources or organizations you can direct her to that does not involve your son.

This. You do not want to share grandchildren with these freak shows.

[Anonymous]

You know this guy has skeletons in his closet. He married a 16 year old child! Do some background snooping. Extremists are the devil. Scare your son straight, he can always rescue her when she decides to cut ties with her psycho, pedo dad.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your son but he should move on. Her family won't accept him and there will always be problems. They are not "equally yoked" so they won't ever be allowed to court, let alone date.

[Anonymous]

Although it may seem odd to you, the father is making sure his daughter 1) is not plied with alcohol and raped like at parties all across America 2) does not become wanton and gets pregnant out of wedlock 3) does not contract a veneral disease 4) weeds out players and those boys just wanting an itch scratched.

If the boy loves this girl he will ask the father for permission to marry. This was the way it was done in the old days, hence, abortions and venereal disease were rare because young boys and girls were restrained from fornicating, a sin that leads one to make unwise decisions (marrying a whore) and unwanted consequences like abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although it may seem odd to you, the father is making sure his daughter 1) is not plied with alcohol and raped like at parties all across America 2) does not become wanton and gets pregnant out of wedlock 3) does not contract a veneral disease 4) weeds out players and those boys just wanting an itch scratched.

If the boy loves this girl he will ask the father for permission to marry. This was the way it was done in the old days, hence, abortions and venereal disease were rare because young boys and girls were restrained from fornicating, a sin that leads one to make unwise decisions (marrying a whore) and unwanted consequences like abortion.

Looks like dad found the post. Hi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although it may seem odd to you, the father is making sure his daughter 1) is not plied with alcohol and raped like at parties all across America 2) does not become wanton and gets pregnant out of wedlock 3) does not contract a veneral disease 4) weeds out players and those boys just wanting an itch scratched.

If the boy loves this girl he will ask the father for permission to marry. This was the way it was done in the old days, hence, abortions and venereal disease were rare because young boys and girls were restrained from fornicating, a sin that leads one to make unwise decisions (marrying a whore) and unwanted consequences like abortion.

Welcome to DCUM! You have some great ideas that people need to hear. Please keep posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although it may seem odd to you, the father is making sure his daughter 1) is not plied with alcohol and raped like at parties all across America 2) does not become wanton and gets pregnant out of wedlock 3) does not contract a veneral disease 4) weeds out players and those boys just wanting an itch scratched.

If the boy loves this girl he will ask the father for permission to marry. This was the way it was done in the old days, hence, abortions and venereal disease were rare because young boys and girls were restrained from fornicating, a sin that leads one to make unwise decisions (marrying a whore) and unwanted consequences like abortion.

Abortion and STDs are not even remotely new.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. My son is not your typical boy. He is an old soul, with a heart of gold, deeply held moral values, and a strong faith that leads him to respect others and especially women. He treats me like gold, and would do the same for any girlfriend or wife. He has developed a deep relationship with this girl, and they love each other. This isn't about "scratching an itch".

They will continue to wait...or not I guess. We will be moving in about a year and we will see what happens to the relationship then. I believe that she will leave her family and move to the state we will be going to and maybe they will be free to see each other then. She is on her way to a great career and can find a job anywhere.

I also don't want to be tied to this family in the future but I really believe she will break free from her crazy family at some point.

The wife is well and truly brainwashed to believe this is for their good, and our friendship is just surface now because of the kids. I keep it friendly, but can't let my kids think that living like that is ok, regardless of what they think the Bible "says".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm curious why he's friends with you and your family, if your values are so different?

I have a very conservative Japanese father, and I was not allowed to date either, or go out past a certain hour with my friends. It had nothing to do with religion. When I told him I had met someone and was planning on moving out to be with him (at 19), he didn't speak to me for 3 months (we were living in the same house at the time). He even suggested he set me up with some eligible men . However he was never controlling with my mother, as this man seems to be.

Given my upbringing, what concerns me is this man's control-freakiness. It reaches an abusive level. His wife should not stand for it. His children need to leave his home, like I did. My father and I love each other dearly... but I sense that there is more desire to control than love in the family you describe.

Ditto -- this is starting to sound made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it may seem odd to you, the father is making sure his daughter 1) is not plied with alcohol and raped like at parties all across America 2) does not become wanton and gets pregnant out of wedlock 3) does not contract a veneral disease 4) weeds out players and those boys just wanting an itch scratched.

If the boy loves this girl he will ask the father for permission to marry. This was the way it was done in the old days, hence, abortions and venereal disease were rare because young boys and girls were restrained from fornicating, a sin that leads one to make unwise decisions (marrying a whore) and unwanted consequences like abortion.

Abortion and STDs are not even remotely new.

I did not say abortion and STDs were new, I said they were rare, not as common as they are now.

"There never was a drinking woman who was chaste, if the opportunity to be otherwise ever presented itself." --an old quote

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have family friends that are of an extremist religion (Christianity FWIW). When we met, we didn't know anything about their views except that they did not wear pants or cut their hair. Over the years, of course we learned more, but our kids were fast friends and they grew closer over the past few years. My 20 year old son and their 20 year old daughter were good friends for years, but lately have expressed that they have feelings for each other. This girl is a wonderful girl and someone I would be happy for my son to date, but her father refuses to allow her to date STILL.

My son is upset, has even spoken to the father, has expressed that he is respectful of her and their family, and the father still won't allow it. This man (not someone I like at all) also doesn't allow his wife to do anything without his permission, as he believes the Bible tells them that the man is the ruler of the house and the wife must be submissive. She was not allowed to visit her dying uncle in a neighboring state, for example. She is not allowed to see certain people if their faith doesn't align with theirs. She was recently telling me how happy she was that her husband gave her permission to visit a friend for a few days that had moved out of state. She told me about how hard it was to wait the 2 weeks he took to decide if she was allowed to go or not. I think my jaw hit the floor as she was telling me the story. And I think she mentioned that the only reason he was allowing it was because this other family were also "good enough" Christians.

I feel horribly about all of this, and I know it will blow up at some point because I can see that the kids know that some of this is just not ok. In particular, their 22 year old son is having a hard time being restricted in ridiculous ways for a 22 year old. (yes, he's working on getting out of the house). But in the meantime, I feel badly for my son and this poor girl that is 20 years old and isn't even allowed to go out on a date. Oh...and she has a curfew also, unless her older brother is with her.

I am also a Christian, but am unfamiliar with this level of extremism. How do people accept living like this? do people really believe that this is the way they are meant to live?

I feel badly for all of them honestly...except him.

Oh, the kicker is that he married his wife when she was 16 and he was 30. But he won't let his 20 year old daughter even go on a date!!!!

Your son is 20 so while you let you son date you sound overinvolved as well. Just stay out of it.

I'm just stunned and can't express it to her of course. It's sad that some part of me doesn't want my son getting involved with her at all because of her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My son is not your typical boy. He is an old soul, with a heart of gold, deeply held moral values, and a strong faith that leads him to respect others and especially women. He treats me like gold, and would do the same for any girlfriend or wife. He has developed a deep relationship with this girl, and they love each other. This isn't about "scratching an itch".

They will continue to wait...or not I guess. We will be moving in about a year and we will see what happens to the relationship then. I believe that she will leave her family and move to the state we will be going to and maybe they will be free to see each other then. She is on her way to a great career and can find a job anywhere.

I also don't want to be tied to this family in the future but I really believe she will break free from her crazy family at some point.

The wife is well and truly brainwashed to believe this is for their good, and our friendship is just surface now because of the kids. I keep it friendly, but can't let my kids think that living like that is ok, regardless of what they think the Bible "says".

Honestly. you sound overinvolved in your son's dating life. Besides going to the wedding and some other shared activities most of the time you won't have to deal with your son's in-laws. Again you son is only 20 and probably will date lots of people. Yet you are already imagining his marriage to this young woman! Even imagining what the yong lads is going to do in the future I find that strange.