Do you get angry about the life you've been given (things you cannot control?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not angry, but I'm bitter that I was born with so many and such severe learning disabilities. I wish my parents hadn't had me. It causes difficulties EVERY SINGLE DAY, and there's nothing I can do about them.

This makes me so incredibly sad. I have a daughter with severe learning disabilities and I hope she knows how grateful and thankful I am for her. I am so sorry it is so hard for you. I hope you find a place that makes you feel appreciated and recognizes all of your gifts.

I do want matter if my mother is grateful or thankful for me. I struggle every day. I can’t understand what people say. I can’t understand instructions. Sometimes I can’t recognize when I’m being given advice or instructions. I’ve gotten fired from so many jobs. I get bitched out in here for not knowing things people assume every idiot would know. I’ve screwed up medication because I didn’t understand what to do, and didn’t understand that I wasn’t understanding. But hey, my mother loves me so none of that matters?

Just like you can test a fetus for an extra chromosome, I wish you could test for learning disabilities in utero too. I would never want to be responsible for putting a person in the world who has to go through what I do.

[Anonymous]

I have an ACEs score of 7, too. I am doing well now, and I never had a lot of anger or resentment about it, but there were challenges: taking care of my mother when she was dying brought some things up, and both my attempts at marriage went south. I don't have a great filter for picking healthy people.

However, I am a well-paid professional, happy most days, living alone, with some really wonderful plans to continue to enjoy life.

I hope everyone finds their way to peace.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so so sorry you dealt with all of that. My issues were different-some emotional and verbal abuse, parents with mild to moderate mental health issues depending on the stress, personality disordered sibling who targetted me, then series of unhealthy relationships until I decided I must break the pattern of my childhood. I married someone kind and loving who came from a similar household to mine and wanted to break the pattern. I was sexually harassed at work early on, but I fought back filing a complaint before I left.

For me buffers helped. I had a sense of humor and a support network of friends from verbally abusive households. We vented and made fun of our dysfunctional families. I got therapy. I use exercise to deal with anger and stress.

Some things re-trigger me like dealing with eldercare issues. My parents stopped the verbal abuse by the time I was in my 20s, but it came back as dementia set in and was 100 times more frightening. I found others in the same situation and a therapist again and it helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I had a few from your list happen. I do not get angry. I had something much worse happen than what you list.
I notice you do not mention children apart from death row? I am curious as to why is that?

DP.

You might find this link helpful:
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean#:~:text=An%20ACE%20score%20is%20a%20tally%20of%20different,take%20the%20test%20below%3A%20What%27s%20Your%20ACE%20Score%3F

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so so sorry you dealt with all of that. My issues were different-some emotional and verbal abuse, parents with mild to moderate mental health issues depending on the stress, personality disordered sibling who targetted me, then series of unhealthy relationships until I decided I must break the pattern of my childhood. I married someone kind and loving who came from a similar household to mine and wanted to break the pattern. I was sexually harassed at work early on, but I fought back filing a complaint before I left.

For me buffers helped. I had a sense of humor and a support network of friends from verbally abusive households. We vented and made fun of our dysfunctional families. I got therapy. I use exercise to deal with anger and stress.

Some things re-trigger me like dealing with eldercare issues. My parents stopped the verbal abuse by the time I was in my 20s, but it came back as dementia set in and was 100 times more frightening. I found others in the same situation and a therapist again and it helped.

+1

Don't take it out on outsiders, and you will be fine, OP. Work on yourself, find your supports.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but unreasonably so. My life has been pretty great and I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking the stuff you cannot control:
- being physically abused
- growing up in poverty
- emotional, mentally ill parents
- infertility
- abusive spouse
- addicted family members
- medical issues + poor health
- premature deaths in your family of origin or spouse/children
- sexual abuse

All of these things happened to you? At age 25 you stop blaming your parents and start living your life with your choices. It is your choice to be miserable by living in the past and wallowing in self pity or you can choose to make better decisions and live in the present

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. I get angry when I think about how hard I have to work just to function normally in the world whereas life seems easy for many people. I get angry and scared that someday my depression will take me out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so angry that my amazing husband died unexpectedly and young of cancer. It’s been less than a year and I hide it well around my family. But I am so mad he is gone. He was the best and kindest person I have ever known. Life will never be the same. Covid has made the grieving worse.

This breaks my heart! I’m sorry, PP. I would be mad too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not angry, but I'm bitter that I was born with so many and such severe learning disabilities. I wish my parents hadn't had me. It causes difficulties EVERY SINGLE DAY, and there's nothing I can do about them.

Are you able to work and live independently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not angry, but I'm bitter that I was born with so many and such severe learning disabilities. I wish my parents hadn't had me. It causes difficulties EVERY SINGLE DAY, and there's nothing I can do about them.

Are you able to work and live independently?

Yes, but not well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking the stuff you cannot control:
- being physically abused
- growing up in poverty
- emotional, mentally ill parents
- infertility
- abusive spouse
- addicted family members
- medical issues + poor health
- premature deaths in your family of origin or spouse/children
- sexual abuse

I am angry about the abuse and poverty. The rest don’t feel as personal. Or maybe they have just impacted the course of my life less so that I found joy despite having experienced nearly everything on that list by age 30 and most before age 9.

[Anonymous]

No, I was born with a severe physical disability and I’m not angry about the life I’ve been given. From an early age I learned to cope and deal with it and I really believe that in a strange way I’m better because of how I’ve dealt with it. I was blessed with parents who instilled in me an FU attitude about dealing with a disability. Anger is not the solution unless you can turn it into a nothing will stop me attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so angry that my amazing husband died unexpectedly and young of cancer. It’s been less than a year and I hide it well around my family. But I am so mad he is gone. He was the best and kindest person I have ever known. Life will never be the same. Covid has made the grieving worse.

This breaks my heart! I’m sorry, PP. I would be mad too.

Thank you. I’ll never be happy again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not angry, but I'm bitter that I was born with so many and such severe learning disabilities. I wish my parents hadn't had me. It causes difficulties EVERY SINGLE DAY, and there's nothing I can do about them.

This makes me so incredibly sad. I have a daughter with severe learning disabilities and I hope she knows how grateful and thankful I am for her. I am so sorry it is so hard for you. I hope you find a place that makes you feel appreciated and recognizes all of your gifts.

I do want matter if my mother is grateful or thankful for me. I struggle every day. I can’t understand what people say. I can’t understand instructions. Sometimes I can’t recognize when I’m being given advice or instructions. I’ve gotten fired from so many jobs. I get bitched out in here for not knowing things people assume every idiot would know. I’ve screwed up medication because I didn’t understand what to do, and didn’t understand that I wasn’t understanding. But hey, my mother loves me so none of that matters?

Just like you can test a fetus for an extra chromosome, I wish you could test for learning disabilities in utero too. I would never want to be responsible for putting a person in the world who has to go through what I do.

You write very well. Do you have ADHD? Sounds like that. You need to ask for help. I would help you. You are good at saying what the problems are. You will get help. Ask for help. Do it. You are a valuable person. You seem intelligent too. Even if not, you would still be worth it. You have worth. Ask for help. Think of who you can ask, and then do it. Much love and kind wishes for you.