Father died and disputes over assets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be the beneficiary of anything? You can’t even get physical possessions unless she dies and leaves them to you. It all goes to his wife.

This is why older men shouldn’t remarry

The OP's Dad is in Florida.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s broke you can probably offer her a few thousand and she’ll give you what she wants.

Sad reality here. I work in death care and we see this all the time. At least you didn’t fight over the remains like many do. Late in life wives love to hold that for ransom.

OP here- Yeah, I'm worried that she will try to pull something like that. But he wanted his ashes spread in the ocean, so it's not like I would have gotten to keep them anyways.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. There is not enough money to fight over. Ask for the things you want, hopefully she will give it to you and never speak to her again.

[Anonymous]

So no will? Sorry about your loss of a father, and of a father who did not care enough to have a will and leave something to his kids.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who suggested you pay her off to get what you want.

I’m sorry you have no recourse

You’re also letting your dad off easy, here. Your father invited this woman into your life and refused to get his affairs in order to protect you.

Blaming this awful woman sounds similar to the women who blame their husband’s mistress, but not their husband who engaged in the affair.

Yes, OP, this lady is awful. But your dad made his choices.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that my mom couldn’t even get her mom’s jewelry or rosary beads from her step mom when her dad died. They were married less than 2 years and my moms parents had been married 60. Absolutely everything went to the stepmom and she let her kids have whatever they wanted out of the house. Crazy to see heirlooms from her grandparents passed along to step grandkids who didn’t want them. It’s very common. The grandparents original will left everything to their children to be split. The new will had everything go to wife.

[Anonymous]

My father died and was married --- this is all that matters, legally. She is next-of-kin. Everything is hers.
My Dad told me he wanted me to have --- unimportant

You know this already ~ your Dad didn't make smart decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died and was married --- this is all that matters, legally. She is next-of-kin. Everything is hers.
My Dad told me he wanted me to have --- unimportant

You know this already ~ your Dad didn't make smart decisions

+1

Sorry you’re having deal with the outcome of your dad’s poor decisions, OP. I have been in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was married, everything goes to her unless there is a will. Just move on. These are just things and you will always have your memories. I'm sorry for your loss.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry for your loss.

It seems as though you are making your father's wife the source of all that is wrong, which may not be right.

No one, and I mean no one not even adult kids, knows what really goes on between a couple - their private conversations, their ultimate wishes, their deepest fears and their promises to each other.

"This woman" as you refer to her was with your father for years and has her own side of the story. You may not know all the details of their relationship. If your father was poor as you claim then she certainly wasn't a gold digger.

How would you describe your relationship with her? Did you give her a chance and try to get to know her? Did you disparage her to your father, making it hard on him?

You made it clear in your post that you do not like her, consider her the source of all ills and claim it's getting nasty. Why is that? You even seem to resent that your father gave his WIFE help to get disability which she was eligible for.

Have you approached her respectfully (she is grieving too) and asked her if she would please provide you with any of your family photos as it would mean a lot to you and know your father would have liked you to have them?

I'm sorry for your loss but I'm also sorry for this woman your father loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry for your loss.

It seems as though you are making your father's wife the source of all that is wrong, which may not be right.

No one, and I mean no one not even adult kids, knows what really goes on between a couple - their private conversations, their ultimate wishes, their deepest fears and their promises to each other.

"This woman" as you refer to her was with your father for years and has her own side of the story. You may not know all the details of their relationship. If your father was poor as you claim then she certainly wasn't a gold digger.

How would you describe your relationship with her? Did you give her a chance and try to get to know her? Did you disparage her to your father, making it hard on him?

You made it clear in your post that you do not like her, consider her the source of all ills and claim it's getting nasty. Why is that? You even seem to resent that your father gave his WIFE help to get disability which she was eligible for.

Have you approached her respectfully (she is grieving too) and asked her if she would please provide you with any of your family photos as it would mean a lot to you and know your father would have liked you to have them?

I'm sorry for your loss but I'm also sorry for this woman your father loved.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry for your loss.

It seems as though you are making your father's wife the source of all that is wrong, which may not be right.

No one, and I mean no one not even adult kids, knows what really goes on between a couple - their private conversations, their ultimate wishes, their deepest fears and their promises to each other. I agree

"This woman" as you refer to her was with your father for years and has her own side of the story. You may not know all the details of their relationship. If your father was poor as you claim then she certainly wasn't a gold digger. Yes, definitely was a gold digger. She was literally homeless and my father helped her so much. Gold digger to me doesn't mean they have to have millions for that to apply- it is an incredibly opportunistic and a user

How would you describe your relationship with her? Did you give her a chance and try to get to know her? Did you disparage her to your father, making it hard on him? tried to get to know her, she was ok but based on how she treated my dad many times don't like her. now i can't stand her

You made it clear in your post that you do not like her, consider her the source of all ills and claim it's getting nasty. Why is that? You even seem to resent that your father gave his WIFE help to get disability which she was eligible for. should have never married her, she's an awful person. just total trash.

Have you approached her respectfully (she is grieving too) and asked her if she would please provide you with any of your family photos as it would mean a lot to you and know your father would have liked you to have them? Yes, and she is evil

I'm sorry for your loss but I'm also sorry for this woman your father loved. I am not sorry for her anymore. not how she is behaving. No sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Op, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is hard to be a daughter when there is a second wife who didn’t know your dad for as long as you did. Fwiw, my dad was married to his second wife for over 20 years and she didn’t know the name of his parents either (they died when I was a kid). I’m so sorry that she isn’t giving you the sentimental items you want. A lot of people don’t understand that those can mean more than actual dollars. Hopefully, she will give them to you eventually.

[Anonymous]

FWIW personal possessions without high monetary value usually aren't included in the will. Usually there is a "letter of instruction" kept with the will that one would expect the executor to honor but it is not legally binding. I mean, think about the cost of adding everyone's personal knick knacks into a will. Not sure that helps but just saying that a will wouldn't have fixed this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is hard to be a daughter when there is a second wife who didn’t know your dad for as long as you did. Fwiw, my dad was married to his second wife for over 20 years and she didn’t know the name of his parents either (they died when I was a kid). I’m so sorry that she isn’t giving you the sentimental items you want. A lot of people don’t understand that those can mean more than actual dollars. Hopefully, she will give them to you eventually.

It is also hard to be the spouse when there are adult children who treat you with disrespect and disdain.

Many of you may find yourselves in this situation one day. Then you'll understand.