Am I just bad at having a nanny?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your personalities aren't a good fit for each other. That's ok. If it's driving you nuts, then hire a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better that your nanny have a cold relationship with you and a warm one with your child than the reverse. Instead of thinking about it in such bright-line terms (I'm bad at having a nanny) give yourself room to grow (I'm learning how to have a nanny). And absolutely forget about firing her. You have a good one.

I agree. One thing I've noticed: Some of the best nannies are people who are great "children people" and "baby people" that are awkward around adults. Always remember you hired them to watch your kids, not you!

This is so odd. I was a great nanny, I sill work with kids all day and am excellent, but I am also capable of working/interacting with adults,. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think there is anything wrong with you.
Feeling uncomfortable in your own home is hard to shake, and being around someone who is consistently rude, cold, and demanding is uncomfortable at best (no matter how good she is with your LO).
I don't know that I'd be able to tolerate that long term. Sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not major changes, but some days she feeds him lunch at 11 and puts him down at 11:30, other days they eat at 12:30 and he goes down at 1, sometimes it's somewhere in between. On the weekends, I always feed him at 11:30 and put him down at 12:15.

I think he's in a nap transition, so maybe she's trying different things, but she doesn't communicate that and I am always nervous to bring it up because I am sympathetic to her feeling like we're watching her and I don't want to micromanage.

To 14:04, my bad, I worry that nannies read on here and tried not to give away identifiable clues, so I tried to change my kids gender but did it inconsistently in my post.

I'm also brain dead from being pregnant and think I might just be having a bad day.....

OP, it sounds like she’s watching your child’s cues and trying to get away from the morning nap. If he’s tired early, she should put him down early, but if not, I agree that the end range needs to be a little earlier. However, if he’s not hungry enough on those days, I understand why she wants him to eat first.

[Anonymous]

As long as the kid is getting fed and then a nap daily I don’t think the exact time is that important.

As a mom I was always pretty flexible with my own kids and the few moms who were hyper strict about nap schedules seems a little off to me. Kids change and once you add a second one the nap schedules can never be exact due the older one’s activities, etc. It’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
- She is great with my daughter -- she loves her -- but she can be quiet and standoffish with us. But then other times she's engaging and nice. I really think this is just her personality, and in fact, one of her references warned me of this.

You mean she behaves like a normal adult person in a work-place? Sounds great!

[Anonymous]

Well, since you are currently pregnant... I would keep nanny for now, through maternity leave, then when you go back to work put this child and your new baby in a place with daycare/preschool. Nothing wrong with daycare over a nanny.

[Anonymous]

she sounds great. We had a sort of similar nanny - a little standofish, and could be abrupt about her working conditions. but I realized part of it was cultural, and part was just that she was very professional and took her job seriously. she wasn’t there to be my bff!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not major changes, but some days she feeds him lunch at 11 and puts him down at 11:30, other days they eat at 12:30 and he goes down at 1, sometimes it's somewhere in between. On the weekends, I always feed him at 11:30 and put him down at 12:15.

I think he's in a nap transition, so maybe she's trying different things, but she doesn't communicate that and I am always nervous to bring it up because I am sympathetic to her feeling like we're watching her and I don't want to micromanage.

To 14:04, my bad, I worry that nannies read on here and tried not to give away identifiable clues, so I tried to change my kids gender but did it inconsistently in my post.

I'm also brain dead from being pregnant and think I might just be having a bad day.....

OP, it sounds like she’s watching your child’s cues and trying to get away from the morning nap. If he’s tired early, she should put him down early, but if not, I agree that the end range needs to be a little earlier. However, if he’s not hungry enough on those days, I understand why she wants him to eat first.

it’s weird you can’t discuss this with your nanny, OP. I always saw my child’s nannies and babysitters and daycare teachers as allies in caring for my child. there were a lot of things I let slide and didn’t totally love, but if there was something I wanted to share information about or collaborate on, I could do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better that your nanny have a cold relationship with you and a warm one with your child than the reverse. Instead of thinking about it in such bright-line terms (I'm bad at having a nanny) give yourself room to grow (I'm learning how to have a nanny). And absolutely forget about firing her. You have a good one.

I agree. One thing I've noticed: Some of the best nannies are people who are great "children people" and "baby people" that are awkward around adults. Always remember you hired them to watch your kids, not you!

This is so odd. I was a great nanny, I sill work with kids all day and am excellent, but I am also capable of working/interacting with adults,. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

no they aren’t mutually exclusive, but expecting a nanny will be great with adults, read your mind, great with kids, and will somehow know the magic way to discuss working conditions with an employer without seeming demanding ... well you may be looking for a nanny for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not major changes, but some days she feeds him lunch at 11 and puts him down at 11:30, other days they eat at 12:30 and he goes down at 1, sometimes it's somewhere in between. On the weekends, I always feed him at 11:30 and put him down at 12:15.

I think he's in a nap transition, so maybe she's trying different things, but she doesn't communicate that and I am always nervous to bring it up because I am sympathetic to her feeling like we're watching her and I don't want to micromanage.

To 14:04, my bad, I worry that nannies read on here and tried not to give away identifiable clues, so I tried to change my kids gender but did it inconsistently in my post.

I'm also brain dead from being pregnant and think I might just be having a bad day.....

You sound too involved in the midday schedule (probably because you're WFH, I can relate). If you were working outside the home, you wouldn't have this degree of visibility into this. Her standoffish behavior might be her trying to hint that you're too involved / on top of them during the day.

Unless it's messing up bedtime or overnight sleep, let your nanny figure it out.

[Anonymous]

It actually sounds like subconscious jealousy; feeling like she‘ll run off with your child (fear of her “maternal“ feelings towards your child), her not “parenting“ the way you do. If you’re pregnant, I would guess you kind of want to stay home with your kids but something (money, expectations) is keeping you from that.

[Anonymous]

Did she sign on to the job with you working at home or did that change due to Covid? Many nannies preCovid would never accept a job where one or both parents were working at home. It makes things much more challenging.

You may be more of a keep on schedule type person & her more of a read the child's cues and meet their current needs type person. The transition from 2 naps down to 1 can take a few months to do smoothly.

The coldness with you could be due to multiple things: she may have got close with other employers before and lines got blurred, she have got close before and got let go unexpectedly, she may have social anxiety or be an introvert & only like the child care portion or her job, she sense your disapproval and be trying to avoid much interaction with you, she might not approve of how you do things and thinks it best she hold her tongue.

The part where you think she may steal your child. Any mental health issues on your part you should maybe explore ?

Would the two of you communicate better over email, or other method like a childcare app?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. You're not going to get the perfect nanny - every single human being is going to have traits you may not appreciate. You have to decide for yourself what traits you can and cannot live with.

[Anonymous]

This is a minor thing but Be Grateful your kid is outside for hours, assuming proper clothing, it’s the best thing you can do for their sleep and development.