I can’t get rid of my soon to be ex

[Anonymous]

In all honesty OP, in this type of situation you MUST file a protective order against this person.

Do it for your child too.

Because he sounds horribly unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my sister was murdered by her estranged husband during a court mandated visitation with their baby. Seriously, don't be alone with him, move if you have to, file a restraining order, and divorce his ass. Also, keep in mind that divorcing will be the most dangerous point in your relationship.

I'm so sorry, PP. I hope that monster is in prison for life.

he was a coward and committed suicide, leaving their crying baby alone on the couch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my sister was murdered by her estranged husband during a court mandated visitation with their baby. Seriously, don't be alone with him, move if you have to, file a restraining order, and divorce his ass. Also, keep in mind that divorcing will be the most dangerous point in your relationship.

I'm so sorry, PP. I hope that monster is in prison for life.

he was a coward and committed suicide, leaving their crying baby alone on the couch.

I’m so, so sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my sister was murdered by her estranged husband during a court mandated visitation with their baby. Seriously, don't be alone with him, move if you have to, file a restraining order, and divorce his ass. Also, keep in mind that divorcing will be the most dangerous point in your relationship.

I'm so sorry, PP. I hope that monster is in prison for life.

he was a coward and committed suicide, leaving their crying baby alone on the couch.

I’m so, so sorry OP.

I'm so very sorry, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should connect with a battered women's hotline, and ask for advice on how to proceed with the restraining order and the divorce. They will have advice about how to do these things in the safest manner. Meanwhile, document all episodes of unwanted communication and call the police each and every time. No need to warn him. Call the police. Call all your relatives to say that he may pose a physical threat to you and to not give him any new information about you. Get a lawyer. Think about where to go in an emergency and think about moving somewhere else permanently. Have a go bag ready.

+1. And I second reading "The Gift of Fear," especially the part about never responding/no contact. Basically, the stalker/abuser perceives any contact as positive - even negative contact like "Don't talk to me anymore." It's also likely when you implement this that he will initially get angrier in an attempt to re-engage you.

I don't know what to tell you about family members - are they sympathetic to him? This may be something the domestic violence hotline can answer.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, please call The Women’s Center in Vienna or DC. I was in a similar situation and spent nearly 5 years trying to leave and walking on eggshells with the tactics and attempts to cause misery out of anger. I was terrified and even too scared to file for the first year. He had a weapon and was 100% unpredictable, delusional, and irrational at times. I called the police and then was afraid to press charges. It is really tough when you are working to leave — the mental abuse is sometimes worse than anything else. I didn’t even bother asking for anything fair, I just wanted to leave. He still made it as difficult as possible. Please consider the book PP recommended, and call The Women’s Center. There is a lot of good advice in this thread. When you’re afraid to protect yourself there isn’t anything wrong with you, you just may need help learning how to.

By the way, the advice someone gave me 2 years into the divorce?

He cannot MAKE you stay married. You CAN divorce without him agreeing to.

File for divorce so you get the clock started. The court had seen it all. It won’t go past 2 years or so if you file right away. Can you afford an attorney?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds terrifying. Read The Gift of Fear and act accordingly. Good luck.

It is terrifying! I try to avoid speaking to him because he turns everything into a screaming/name calling match then tells me it’s normal for married couples to “talk” to each other like that. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him to avoid confrontation, but it always turns into one. I’m losing my sanity and my sleep!

OP. People like this don’t change easily, and if they do it is usually only modifying behavior because others are watching. My ex has stupidly even stalked on this forum, relatives, other things. There are tactics and responses than can help empower you without fueling the fire he wants to burn everything down. Tell him nothing about anything no opinion, no correction of lies or misspeaking, nothing. Go gray rock. Become as interesting as a morsel of chewed grizzle on a chicken bone.

What state are you in? Don’t worry, sadly there are many women experiencing this dynamic so it wont compromise your anonymity in any way, but if you even share a county posters may be able to help identify and recommend specific resources.

Happy new year!! You have a new life ahead of you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, build your tram of support and equip yourself the knowledge and resources to bring the things you want for security and happiness to life. Please also find a support group somehow. If you can’t? Come post here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Document everything. Get extra locks. Make sure he doesn’t have keys. Restraining order. Call the cops. Do not talk to him. He’s threatening you. Men kill women all the time. Do not let this happen to you.

I was too afraid to get a restraining order. I was financially abused and didn’t have the finances to help legally, ans didn’t have mental capacity to represent myself without anguish. Made too much money for legal aid. Please call The Women’s Center. Document things however you want. It can be a calendar detail, a journal 📔 with a date and what happened. Please document.

[Anonymous]

You should file so that this unstable behavior is documented. He may be a good father, but he may not be down the line if he continues to hold such resentment against you, and you want to be able to have reasonable grounds to amend the custody agreement.