middle-age loner

[Anonymous]

It gets harder and harder to connect as you grow older, OP.
Whether it's for friendships or for romantic relationships.

I can guarantee you there are many women your age looking for husbands.

Keep looking. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’m also a divorced woman in her 40’s who has no desire to remarry. I do want (and currently have) a long term companion but I don’t see how remarriage is going to enhance my life at all. I have financial security, good health insurance, a good job and I raised my kids. I can have the security of a long term companion without the legal document. There are way more pros to staying single than cons.

Why is marriage so important to the OP? If he is looking to start a family he needs to date much younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any early forties, single males on here really discouraged that so many of the women (in similar age range) are divorced and NOT looking to ever get re-married? I have no problem dating divorced women my age, with or without kids, but from what I read here, few of them actually want to re-couple. They only want companions or activity partners. Not another husband.

As an aside, I hate all the references to guys that have never been married as "damaged goods"...yes, I did have a significant anxiety disorder for most of my thirties...so there is that. I would still be a good partner for someone now that I have sought-received therapy!


Sigh.
Not sure what to do...I really needed the therapy in my twenties so I could meet someone in my thirties. I missed the boat. F$ck!

They got burnt and tired from growing up kids, and don't want to take care of anyone again. You need to date younger women who are more naive.

Naive in what way? Everyone knows that half of marriages end in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also a divorced woman in her 40’s who has no desire to remarry. I do want (and currently have) a long term companion but I don’t see how remarriage is going to enhance my life at all. I have financial security, good health insurance, a good job and I raised my kids. I can have the security of a long term companion without the legal document. There are way more pros to staying single than cons.

Why is marriage so important to the OP? If he is looking to start a family he needs to date much younger.

OP here. I want a family. I suppose younger is the better option to that end, but I just have a hard time believing a 32 or 33 yo would want to date someone significantly older (at least one that is not a stud or super wealthy). That is why I think maybe adoption or even just being a stepdad might work well for me. So.many.regrets.

Thanks for the input, regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It gets harder and harder to connect as you grow older, OP.
Whether it's for friendships or for romantic relationships.

I can guarantee you there are many women your age looking for husbands.

Keep looking. Good luck.

I hope you are correct!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also a divorced woman in her 40’s who has no desire to remarry. I do want (and currently have) a long term companion but I don’t see how remarriage is going to enhance my life at all. I have financial security, good health insurance, a good job and I raised my kids. I can have the security of a long term companion without the legal document. There are way more pros to staying single than cons.

Why is marriage so important to the OP? If he is looking to start a family he needs to date much younger.

OP here. I want a family. I suppose younger is the better option to that end, but I just have a hard time believing a 32 or 33 yo would want to date someone significantly older (at least one that is not a stud or super wealthy). That is why I think maybe adoption or even just being a stepdad might work well for me. So.many.regrets.

Thanks for the input, regardless.

I was 34 when I met my 42 year old now husband. He thought I wouldn’t want anything to do with him because of his age - not true at all. We now are happily married with two kids. Give it a shot.

[Anonymous]

I’m 33 and would absolutely date an early 40s man. Don’t be discouraged, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, has this been your personal experience, or are you generalizing what you read on DCUM and imagining you will struggle greatly (perhaps a manifestation of living with anxiety and managing the cognitive distortions that can go along with it).

I wouldn’t be discouraged. I think there are many women in their 40s who are looking for serious, committed relationships. Just keep trying. It can be hard to be single at any age.

Have you ever been in a serious relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you take care of yourself and exhibit the maturity of someone above the age of 20, the right woman will come along. Once COVID ends, get out of the house and go to where women are and don't feel in a pick up enviroment. Suggestions:
- dance class
- book clubs
- cultural events
- art museums
- Sierra Club

[Anonymous]

I am 51 female divorced 2 years. I thought I would never want remarry. Current relationship of 1 year anazing...he great partner and we focus on bringing joy to relationship and building something solid. Start there. No need to lock down end result. Handle the present and universe will bring you what you need.

Do what makes you happiest and the energy will attract what good for you! Learn to be at ease with NOT knowing outcome! Now feeling wishes for him be my husband😀. Good luck

[Anonymous]

OP, if you take care of yourself and exhibit the maturity of someone above the age of 20, the right woman will come along.

Oh, you’re guaranteeing that, anonymous DCUM woman? First, women don’t “come along”. They passively wait for the men to do that. Hell, even on Bumble, where women are supposed to take the initiative, they can’t bring themselves to communicate anything beyond “Hi”. Second, older women love to proclaim that they can’t be bothered unless the guy has extraordinarily deep pockets. They say it in person. They write it on this site with contempt for any person less accomplished than their platonic ideal.

In short, women OP’s age here try very hard to stay single. It is stupid to think someone will simply “come along”, at least here. OP needs better advice: shoot for 30-year-olds in Denver or some damn thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you can easily meet someone, and I'm a woman in her 30s who has dated men in their 40s. Because it's a pandemic, just try online dating. I think you will be surprised and heartened by how much attention you will get. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Maybe these women are just trying to be financially responsible.

Women can lose their alimony if they ever re-marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any early forties, single males on here really discouraged that so many of the women (in similar age range) are divorced and NOT looking to ever get re-married? I have no problem dating divorced women my age, with or without kids, but from what I read here, few of them actually want to re-couple. They only want companions or activity partners. Not another husband.

As an aside, I hate all the references to guys that have never been married as "damaged goods"...yes, I did have a significant anxiety disorder for most of my thirties...so there is that. I would still be a good partner for someone now that I have sought-received therapy!


Sigh.
Not sure what to do...I really needed the therapy in my twenties so I could meet someone in my thirties. I missed the boat. F$ck!

OP. Sometimes I wonder why some of my single friends in their 40's never got married but when I think about whether I would go for them the first thought that comes to mind is that they are probably set in their ways and wouldn't be able to handle the complexities of family life or the compromises that would need to be made. That and the fact that there are threads on here saying men just don't typically take well to another man's kids. So that's my take on your situation. There are probably plenty of women that would like you to be their husband and father to their children, but they are tired of drama and you'd have to give them a drama free life.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced 46 year old man and about 80% of the chicks I meet online would absolutely get married if I asked. Do not do it.