My kid told me I’m a “sh***y mom”
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Anonymous
| Smart kid. |
Anonymous
| She is right, you are wrong. Stop being a shi*y mom to your child. |
Anonymous
| She is a bad mother to her oldest child. SHe can be a good mother to two others, but her oldest clearly knows she is neglected. Take this to heart op, do things with your eldest, one on one. Why is she a Cinderella? |
Anonymous
|
Do you have access to any therapy services? It seems like your marriage could use support, and I guarantee that would make everything else easier to bear. You need him to be pulling his weight.
If you can’t make that happen, support for just yourself would be a great step. I agree that you’re exhausted and traumatized, not a bad mom. I’m so sorry for what your family has been through. Best wishes to all of you. |
Anonymous
| Your kid is right, unfortunately. It can be difficult to find balance between children when SN and/disabilities are involved with siblings. You have to find some balance not just between them but between her and you and your DH. Sit down and talk with her privately about how she is feeling and what can be done to make her feel loved/seen. |
Anonymous
| As much as the other two have been a handful for you, we always have to remember the other kids have needs too. Sometimes all it takes is acknowledgment that it is hard to be the sibling of a child with with special needs, but sometimes it is useful to find a therapist, or even the school counselor, who can be an outside the family adult for the child to share feelings and frustrations about the situation without guilt. |
Anonymous
|
She’s at her breaking point - you are not a sh*tty mom, but she’s getting the short end of the stick and she knows it.
Why did she have to unload the dishwasher right then? I’m a responsible adult that has two children, a chronically ill DH, and guess what? I would hate that right now request. If it was on her chore list to complete by X time, ok. But if you just wanted help with it right that very moment, your ask was bad. Kids are people, too. |
Anonymous
Well, you do have a lot of challenges and your family life seems to be not easy. I am not sure what you can do to change the situation but maybe try and be more affectionate to every one? You cannot control some stuff (cancer, ADHD, having 3 young kids with a career) but you can control how you let go of some things and just be kinder to your family and DH. No expectations, lots of acceptance and being kind to family. You can control your tongue. You can control your words. You can let small things go. |
Anonymous
|
Please read untangled: guiding teenage girls through the seven states into adulthood. It’s totally relevant to younger girls as well. It really helped me understand why my daughter was doing things like this. Girls are trying to differentiate themselves from their parents so one way of doing that is being mean to their parents. It helped me enforce boundaries because I was no longer in the emotional state where I took it personally, and I could really see and empathize with where she was coming from.
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073 |
Anonymous
| lol at all these posters saying OP is a sh!tty mom. I’m sure they are just doing brilliantly in all aspects of their lives and their kids will never have legitimate complaints about them in therapy. |
Anonymous
| Just want to add that I think it’s not uncommon for kids to have this kind of outsized reaction to what might have been a totally legitimate request. My kid also does this and therapist has advised just to be firm and not emotional about it. Of course assess whether the request/rule was reasonable but don’t assume that just because her reaction was strong it’s necessarily a legitimate critique of the rule. I personally tend to give in too much when the kids complain or criticize because I tend to think that if they are upset they may well have a good point—but that’s not always a good idea. |
Anonymous
| My 5 year olds has behavior issues (probable ADHD and anxiety diagnosis). Really hard morning and she told me she wants to get a new mom. Hugs OP. |
Anonymous
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OP, as far as I can tell, you are a working mom with three kids, two of whom are high needs, and you have little help. That is EXTREMELY tough, and it's impossible for a 9 year old to grasp. If she is also the healthy one, she may perceive a difference in treatment.
Maybe you can try spending some extra quality time with her (easier said than done) and reassure her that she is always going to be your first baby, that she is oldest and thus most capable, and that you count on her, but that you understand she also wants to play and be a kid. It's understandable that you would lose your cool occasionally in these circumstances. I have two "easy" kids, a very helpful husband, and even I yell sometimes. We are human. You are doing a terrific job. PS Hearing "I hate you" etc goes with the pre-teen and teen territory in many cases. It's not actually a reflection of your parenting. It means "in this moment, you are making me do what I do not want to do and my flight or fight response is kicking in hard, and I don't know what to do with that. And since I know you love me no matter what, I can just scream at you." |
Anonymous
| My mom was a great mother to my sibling with severe special needs, but I was really left to fend for myself from age 8 onwards. Not only were my physical needs often not met, but it made me vulnerable to sexual predator among our relatives. It is simultaneously true that she was a heroic mother and did mother enough. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like your DD needs someone to talk to. Maybe a little therapy. She's going through a lot of the difficulties you are but she is a child and her near memories are all of others being the center of attention. No blame here, but its understandable. |