Married to a gamer

[Anonymous]

No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

[Anonymous]

I would NEVER have married a guy like that. Because of EXACTLY what you are dealing with now. Start divorce proceedings. If you just leave him with the kids and go out, he will ignore them to play games.

[Anonymous]

My DH hates I'm a gamer. Use it as a stress reliever from the kids. We have set time limits on when I play-end. Works well for us.

[Anonymous]

DH is a gamer and now that our kids are tweens it’s out of control. They all play together and he fights my attempts to limit their gaming, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

Op here. I feel like there are so many better ways to spend your time. I try to limit my children’s screen time, even during a pandemic.

DH says that I have a gamer is a loser mentality. I don’t care what other people do in their spare time. I do care if my husband and father of my 3 children neglects his family to play games.

[Anonymous]

Addictive personalities have been associated with ADHD, OP. Your husband with an addiction to gaming may also suffer from ADHD. Read up on it (hyperactive, inattentive, and mixed types) and see whether he might benefit from an evaluation by a psychiatrist in view of trying medication. You can accompany your husband to his first appointment to provide the doctor with your perspective on his gaming. At some point, they will talk together privately, but your input as an adult living with the patient is invaluable to the picture the doctor will be trying to form.

The medication, if your husband has ADHD, and has trouble controlling his gaming impulse, will help him prioritize tasks and not let gaming take over his life.

Good luck. My husband and teen both have ADHD, and we have seen how video games affect my teen. He's compliant enough to reluctantly stop when we tell him to, but I can see how his ADHD contributes to his obsession with a particular video game. He too, thinks and talks of nothing else before he finishes a game!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a hobby. Some guys golf. Some watch sports. DH fishes in the warmer months and woodworks in the cooler part of the year. Can he play games with the kids? When our daughters were younger he played Nintendo with them a lot. Maybe you can play too? Never know you may have fun.

Yeah but I think we can all agree that there is NOTHING productive or useful about video games. Believe me, I spent a fair amount of my childhood gaming, but then, well, I grew the eff up. Woodworking and fishing are awesome hobbies. Gaming, poker, and gambling are not.

I still think gaming is a legit hobby. However, like any hobby one should watch out that it doesn’t become an obsession. I have friends who never see their husbands from May through September because they’re on the links (golf widows anyone?). Another friend never sees her husband at night because he’s in the basement fiddling with his trains. Gaming is not the only things husbands can fall into obsessing over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a comment on a thread in Facebook, "real men do not play video games." I got severely flamed for that one by all kinds of men telling me about their manly jobs, or military experience, and women attacking me too. Gamers are VERY defensive about what they do. Meanwhile, I've seen grown men, and even had one living with me who failed to launch from the time he was a teenager until finally leaving home about 30 years old. Did nothing but game 8-12 hours a day. Prisoners had move freedom than this kid allowed himself, locked up in his bedroom all day, playing till early morning, sleeping past noon. It's very common but they to intervene and a gamer will say, well at least I'm not on drugs, gambling, etc, etc. I think it's pretty sad in the extreme.

Ok ... ?

You realize not everyone who plays video games does it for 8-12 hours/day right?

Not pp. Sounds like Op's SO was neglecting his family that the wife was ready to divorce him, though. Was he avoiding responsibility as an adult? I think so. Could it be a stress response? Sure, but grow up or get help and adult anyway.

I actually agree with the person you are quoting. If this is seriously something you do to the point of distraction or for more than the odd metaphorical hour or two when it isn't your job, especially when it is just a single person alone staring at a screen and not even playing with friends (but even then it can become excessive). At that point, I think you are a loser and neglecting your family and show a lack of creativity, ambition and drive. I'd also wonder if you were depressed or had an addiction problem.

We see this with some of SO's coworkers that we are friendly with and they just zone out on video games after their day job is done. The kids and spouses are beside themselves and have to beg for any sort of interaction whatsoever. It's bad for everyone. Even the kids get bored with it (MS & HS) when he tries to get them to play. They just want their dad back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

Op here. I feel like there are so many better ways to spend your time. I try to limit my children’s screen time, even during a pandemic.

DH says that I have a gamer is a loser mentality. I don’t care what other people do in their spare time. I do care if my husband and father of my 3 children neglects his family to play games.

You married him! Go get your own hobby. Stop complaining about your 1st world problems.

[Anonymous]

I’ll take him and play games. Your loss sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

Agree. I would divorce over it.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I’m sorry. People get super protective & defensive with video games too, so it’s a hard problem to solve. I’ve always told people never to marry a man who plays video games. Avoid, avoid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

Op here. I feel like there are so many better ways to spend your time. I try to limit my children’s screen time, even during a pandemic.

DH says that I have a gamer is a loser mentality. I don’t care what other people do in their spare time. I do care if my husband and father of my 3 children neglects his family to play games.

It sounds like your DH is right, since you feel there are so many better ways to spend your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a comment on a thread in Facebook, "real men do not play video games." I got severely flamed for that one by all kinds of men telling me about their manly jobs, or military experience, and women attacking me too. Gamers are VERY defensive about what they do. Meanwhile, I've seen grown men, and even had one living with me who failed to launch from the time he was a teenager until finally leaving home about 30 years old. Did nothing but game 8-12 hours a day. Prisoners had move freedom than this kid allowed himself, locked up in his bedroom all day, playing till early morning, sleeping past noon. It's very common but they to intervene and a gamer will say, well at least I'm not on drugs, gambling, etc, etc. I think it's pretty sad in the extreme.

100% my experience as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a comment on a thread in Facebook, "real men do not play video games." I got severely flamed for that one by all kinds of men telling me about their manly jobs, or military experience, and women attacking me too. Gamers are VERY defensive about what they do. Meanwhile, I've seen grown men, and even had one living with me who failed to launch from the time he was a teenager until finally leaving home about 30 years old. Did nothing but game 8-12 hours a day. Prisoners had move freedom than this kid allowed himself, locked up in his bedroom all day, playing till early morning, sleeping past noon. It's very common but they to intervene and a gamer will say, well at least I'm not on drugs, gambling, etc, etc. I think it's pretty sad in the extreme.

Ok ... ?

You realize not everyone who plays video games does it for 8-12 hours/day right?

yes I do. Do you realize this is a thread about a man who plays video games way too many hours a day? His behavior is excessive and that's why she has a problem with it.