Married to a gamer

[Anonymous]

What is he? A seven year old??? Loser

[Anonymous]

No. My husband is not 12 so he doesn't play games like that.

[Anonymous]

It’s not about being a gamer. It’s about setting priorities.

[Anonymous]

Addictive personalities. Somehow they think it’s better because it’s not drugs/alcohol. Hardcore gaming is not compatible with having young kids. Same thing with hardcore cycling, golf, or any other activity that regularly causes you to shirk parental duties for 6-8 hours per day multiple days per week. I love to snowboard, but I’m not about to ditch my wife & kid for 4-5 days to go to Utah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

Agree. I would divorce over it.

A DH here and I agree. I occasionally play with my 11 yo but he also rarely plays.

[Anonymous]

I told my DH that he had to stop playing late into the night (1, 2 am) because he was an useless mean person in the evenings from lack of sleep each evening. Either that or we split. To me, it’s a way to unwind, like watching your favorite shows, watching YouTube, social media, etc., but when it causes one to be unable to function in their responsibilities, it ends.

He plays now, but only after the kids are in bed and stops at 10pm. This doesn’t bother me.

[Anonymous]

Wow. People are really mad at gamers. I don't really see it much different than watching TV or a movie. People have all kinds of hobbies. Is it any different than baking or crossword puzzles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one will ever change my mind.....it's a pitful way for a person to spend their life.

NP and I agree with you. My DH is a gamer. I'm supportive of him. He's so great in so many other ways. When I met him he was a gamer--but the games were so primitive, it wasn't as addicting. But if this is is vice, it's ok. I do privately judge, though, that we only live once and have finite time, and there is no real "product" or "accomplishment" at the end--no ability to play an instrument, no artistic work, no knowledge gained, no mountain climbed, and no real-life relationship advanced or maintained...just a pretend victory over a pretend enemy in a pretend society. yay for our (fake) team.

We've got two DDs and the older one (18) has gotten into it in the last year. Sometimes he watches her play and it's sort of a bonding thing.

The younger one (16) hates technology and is extremely athletic and wants do do physical things, make physical things, etc. Fully immersed in "the real world." Turns out she is interested in board games (which my DH in the past, before computers, was very much into). So those two bond that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. People are really mad at gamers. I don't really see it much different than watching TV or a movie. People have all kinds of hobbies. Is it any different than baking or crossword puzzles?

Ah yes, the infamous crossword puzzle addicts. They’re awful to live with, hoarding all the pencils and always taking the best seat under the reading lamp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. People are really mad at gamers. I don't really see it much different than watching TV or a movie. People have all kinds of hobbies. Is it any different than baking or crossword puzzles?

Except that we are no talking about this being a normal hobby that normal people do in moderation. He’s shirking his duties at home and being a lousy husband and dad. The poster above who plays it once a month with college buddies - that is a healthy, normal hobby. Losing sleep, neglecting your family and not pulling your weight around the house makes the DH of the OP an infantile loser.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband, mid-50s can play for 6 hours straight! In our windowless basement!

While it used to really bug me, here is some advice 30 years into a marriage - don't place value judgments on what is a "good" hobby and what is a "bad" hobby. You have to let people blow off steam or stress however they want. Set agreements on when the game will be on that don't interfere with parenting duties, but otherwise avoid the disdain and scorn for what he likes to do -

[Anonymous]

Gaming is not the problem, the problem is that your husband refuses to prioritize the important things. Any hobby can become addictive. As long as someone prioritizes work, family, and health, gaming can be a great hobby to pass the time. During this pandemic, Breath of the Wild has drastically helped with my anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, I spend a couple hours immersed in the world. The music, puzzles, exploration, and small mental victories leave me feeling relaxed and happy when I'm done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a hobby. Some guys golf. Some watch sports. DH fishes in the warmer months and woodworks in the cooler part of the year. Can he play games with the kids? When our daughters were younger he played Nintendo with them a lot. Maybe you can play too? Never know you may have fun.

Agree. Just like a guy who is gone for 7 hour golfing, or 5 hours birding, or all weekend on fishing trips: It's not about what he's doing with his time, its about what he's not doing to help with the family.

[Anonymous]

TLDR. Does he work, complete household duties/other responsibilities and spend time with his family? If so, what's the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gaming is not the problem, the problem is that your husband refuses to prioritize the important things. Any hobby can become addictive. As long as someone prioritizes work, family, and health, gaming can be a great hobby to pass the time. During this pandemic, Breath of the Wild has drastically helped with my anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, I spend a couple hours immersed in the world. The music, puzzles, exploration, and small mental victories leave me feeling relaxed and happy when I'm done.

+1. Agree that it's the amount of time he is spending on this activity and the neglect of other responsibilities rather than the activity itself that is the issue.