Married to a gamer

[Anonymous]

DH is the only man I have dated who plays video games. I seriously almost divorced him when my kids were young. We had an infant and toddler and he would be playing games every second he had. I was going to lose it juggling these 2 young kids, the house and my job. Fast forward to now. We have 3 kids and DH asks like I am controlling not letting him play games. I told DH I wouldn’t care if he played games but what happens is there is some new game that comes out and he becomes addicted. Once he starts a game, he will want to play this game every minute of the day until he beats the game. Of course I wouldn’t mind if he played here and there but that is not the way it goes.

DH acts like his friends’ wives don’t care when their husbands play. He says it is better than being a gambler, clubber or womanizer.

Is anyone else married to a gamer? How often does he play?

[Anonymous]

Find your own hobby and leave him with the kids while you pursue it. Turnabout is fair play. If he says anything about it, he's controlling.

Saying "at lest I'm not cheating" is a weird/red flaggy response.

[Anonymous]

Man here. They're designed to be addictive, which is why I don't play them at all. I don't have any installed on my phone or computer, or I know I'll get sucked in. I broke my rule years ago when Candy Crush came out, because a friend worked for them, but luckily it was when I started a business trip so I was away from home anyway, and managed to finish it by the time I returned home.

No specific advice, just realize they can wrap people up just like alcohol or other vices.

[Anonymous]

Cyberpunk 2077 was a disappointment anyway

[Anonymous]

My husband plays. He used to do it all day long, but I'm a tv-watched, and we'd just kind of hang out all day pre-kids. Once the kids arrived, his habits changes. Now he basically plays after their bedtime, though he often has a game going on his phone.

[Anonymous]

It’s a hobby. Some guys golf. Some watch sports. DH fishes in the warmer months and woodworks in the cooler part of the year. Can he play games with the kids? When our daughters were younger he played Nintendo with them a lot. Maybe you can play too? Never know you may have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband plays. He used to do it all day long, but I'm a tv-watched, and we'd just kind of hang out all day pre-kids. Once the kids arrived, his habits changes. Now he basically plays after their bedtime, though he often has a game going on his phone.

Yeah this is basically me. I still play, but a lot less often, like a lot of hobbies. I don't watch as much sports as I did pre-kid either. It's very possible to manage both, though it may not be possible for OP's husband, depending on his personality type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a hobby. Some guys golf. Some watch sports. DH fishes in the warmer months and woodworks in the cooler part of the year. Can he play games with the kids? When our daughters were younger he played Nintendo with them a lot. Maybe you can play too? Never know you may have fun.

Yeah but I think we can all agree that there is NOTHING productive or useful about video games. Believe me, I spent a fair amount of my childhood gaming, but then, well, I grew the eff up. Woodworking and fishing are awesome hobbies. Gaming, poker, and gambling are not.

[Anonymous]

I made a comment on a thread in Facebook, "real men do not play video games." I got severely flamed for that one by all kinds of men telling me about their manly jobs, or military experience, and women attacking me too. Gamers are VERY defensive about what they do. Meanwhile, I've seen grown men, and even had one living with me who failed to launch from the time he was a teenager until finally leaving home about 30 years old. Did nothing but game 8-12 hours a day. Prisoners had move freedom than this kid allowed himself, locked up in his bedroom all day, playing till early morning, sleeping past noon. It's very common but they to intervene and a gamer will say, well at least I'm not on drugs, gambling, etc, etc. I think it's pretty sad in the extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a hobby. Some guys golf. Some watch sports. DH fishes in the warmer months and woodworks in the cooler part of the year. Can he play games with the kids? When our daughters were younger he played Nintendo with them a lot. Maybe you can play too? Never know you may have fun.

Op here. We have 3 kids. My kids play Minecraft and Roblox on the computer and iPad but not the type of games that DH plays. Dh got the new Xbox and is pouty that I asked him to put it under the tree for Christmas. My kids don’t really play the switch, Wii U, PS4 or XBox (whatever the latest model is). Our kids played some switch when we first got it but haven’t touched it in about a year.

DH plays sports and watches sports. He also fishes. I have no problem with any of these because they are not as time sucking as a long video game.

DH also played candy crush. He would play at night. I guess he is very good and was usually first amongst his friends. I do not think this is anything to be proud of. It just shows how much he plays. I would get annoyed at him every night and DH would wonder why I was not in the mood.

[Anonymous]

My husband recognized how addictive it was and quite games cold turkey. Now he only plays when the kids aren't home. He won't let them have a video game system at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a comment on a thread in Facebook, "real men do not play video games." I got severely flamed for that one by all kinds of men telling me about their manly jobs, or military experience, and women attacking me too. Gamers are VERY defensive about what they do. Meanwhile, I've seen grown men, and even had one living with me who failed to launch from the time he was a teenager until finally leaving home about 30 years old. Did nothing but game 8-12 hours a day. Prisoners had move freedom than this kid allowed himself, locked up in his bedroom all day, playing till early morning, sleeping past noon. It's very common but they to intervene and a gamer will say, well at least I'm not on drugs, gambling, etc, etc. I think it's pretty sad in the extreme.

Ok ... ?

You realize not everyone who plays video games does it for 8-12 hours/day right?

[Anonymous]

My DH is into RPGs. We have had to set limits multiple times on the amount of time, how late / drinking, how much space his stuff requires and how much money he spends on it. I came close to divorcing him.

It's better now but it took, and still takes, a lot of work. It is like an addiction and unfortunately a lot of the people who play (and podcast and blog about it) do not have families, or jobs that require them to get up early. Lots of single programmer types who have money and time to burn, and it creates a weird culture.

Years ago I attended a church that attracted a lot of young military men and their wives, and the minister gave a sermon about not neglecting your family for video games. Apparently it was a big problem.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a standing night where all his college buddies play together. Saturday nights from 10:30pm-1am, intentionally set after kids and wives go to bed. He still gets up at 6:30am with the kids and I without fail so I don't complain. Otherwise I think he sometimes sneaks a game in at 5:30am before the kids and I are even up for work/school so again, no complaints.

[Anonymous]

I've been a gamer my while life. it ebbs and flows with other responsibilities, but I get it in when I can. Getting the kids to play is key. I taught my kids 4 & 8 to play xbox. It's great for their brain development. Just keep them away from the trash mobile games.

I think the average video game player is like 35 these days anyways.