I wanted to be in love with a kind, decent, good person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

I agree. I just went through a 30 month divorce from a man just like this. It was hell. It was worth it

+1 except my divorce is just kicking off, yay me!

OP, don't marry him. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

I agree. I just went through a 30 month divorce from a man just like this. It was hell. It was worth it

+2, my divorce was closer to 50 months start to signed decree. He was low key but it didn’t show up I too I began strengthening myself and the previous codependency we shared was no longer comfortable. In my case, I changed, not him.

[Anonymous]

You’re thinking that you might be better off in a relationship that causes you pain, that hurts you, because it’s better than being alone — and you’re scared that you’ll find yourself in a similar, or worse situation.

I would recommend finding a good therapist who can help you be kind, decent and good to yourself - and to understand that you’re worthy of that. You need to learn to trust yourself, first and foremost - both your gut and your instincts, so you can get to a place where you’re not living in fear that you’ll be blindsided again (which keeps you feeling stuck in your current situation). I imagine there were signs within those 6-7 years that you had a high threshold for, or tolerated, or ignored. This is something that can be gently unpacked with a good therapist, and will help you move forward.

You also need to learn to be alone, before you can even consider another relationship, and know you’ll be okay.

[Anonymous]

You have 2 choices
1) guaranteed a life of soul sucking misery.

2) a life where you have possibility of finding happiness. Yes, could life get worse? (But really how much worse can your life get? And if you think being alone is worse than being with this a$$hat, you need to get into therapy and figure out why being alone is worse than being abused) But you have a *chance* to find happiness.

I take a life with the possibility of happiness vs a life guaranteed to be filled with misery.

BTW—abusers make you feel like life without them will be worse. That’s how they trick you into staying.

[Anonymous]

You must be that person yourself...first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have 2 choices
1) guaranteed a life of soul sucking misery.

2) a life where you have possibility of finding happiness. Yes, could life get worse? (But really how much worse can your life get? And if you think being alone is worse than being with this a$$hat, you need to get into therapy and figure out why being alone is worse than being abused) But you have a *chance* to find happiness.

I take a life with the possibility of happiness vs a life guaranteed to be filled with misery.

BTW—abusers make you feel like life without them will be worse. That’s how they trick you into staying.

My ex-husband did this. In hindsight that was the only relationship where someone said no one else would want me. I was so young and vulnerable - I believed him. Boy, was he wrong. By the time he spoke that way I was years into loving him and never questioned his judgment or opinion. It was the start of a very unhealthy cycle that was very hard to break from.