I wanted to be in love with a kind, decent, good person

[Anonymous]

and instead I fell in love with a crazy person who appears to have put his best foot forward and tricked me into believing he was something he was not. Or rather, I did not see the love bombing and the red flags and foolishly fell for a mirage. Now that the true person appears I am devastated, heart broken, lost and confused. Part of why I am scared to leave is...at least he is familiar. I know all his flaws. What else can he possibly do to surprise me? Maybe I can make peace and say "life isn't perfect."

But then I wonder if it is worth pursuing? Maybe even now in my old 30thingsome bones and tired soul, I have something to offer to someone that will love me. Someone who is better than me and who makes me a better person. What if I do not find that kind of love as its just a fantasy?

[Anonymous]

If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

[Anonymous]

Dating in your 30s is very typical in every major city so you're not too old to meet someone new. You could even Under the Tuscan Sun-it and move to a new place and start over if that's easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

I agree. I just went through a 30 month divorce from a man just like this. It was hell. It was worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

+1

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

YEah, 6 mos isnt enough. It took my narc 18 mos to show his true colors. I called off the engagement when he did. HOWEVER i fell for a hoover and married him. He destroyed a great life. Get away the first time, dont be like me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

YEah, 6 mos isnt enough. It took my narc 18 mos to show his true colors. I called off the engagement when he did. HOWEVER i fell for a hoover and married him. He destroyed a great life. Get away the first time, dont be like me

a Hoover? What is that?

[Anonymous]

Its when narcs come back around, like love bombing (2) after they've hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

Wow! I suppose narcissists are in a class all their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

How long have you been with him? Is it possible he's just going through a phase because we're in crazy Covid times and he's a little depressed? How long has the behavior been going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and instead I fell in love with a crazy person who appears to have put his best foot forward and tricked me into believing he was something he was not. Or rather, I did not see the love bombing and the red flags and foolishly fell for a mirage. Now that the true person appears I am devastated, heart broken, lost and confused. Part of why I am scared to leave is...at least he is familiar. I know all his flaws. What else can he possibly do to surprise me? Maybe I can make peace and say "life isn't perfect."

But then I wonder if it is worth pursuing? Maybe even now in my old 30thingsome bones and tired soul, I have something to offer to someone that will love me. Someone who is better than me and who makes me a better person. What if I do not find that kind of love as its just a fantasy?

I could have written your post a few years ago. Take a leap of faith on truly truly truly loving yourself and being alone. You won’t be attracted to flaws that no longer hold a power over you, probably from some suppressed experience and attempt of your brain to resolve matters of the heart. Yes, leave. The devil you know is bad, it is a trick to think it is a better choice to settle for disrespect and abuse. You cannot produce good fruit from a rotting tree. Cut it down. Sit on the stump and cry a bit. Then get up, and keep walking. Plant new seeds along the way for eventual blooms. You’ll find once you reach a certain clearing, rhe people on the other side are better, because you are a better person and universally attracting what compliments you.

You cannot control anything in this world other than how you respond to what it presents before you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

Wow! I suppose narcissists are in a class all their own.

They are. One of the most common traits of successful CEOs and others in power too. Unsettling, to say the least.