How to feel okay that I may never get married

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP. Much of this depends on whether your goal is children within the conventional marriage set up. If having your own biological children is really important to you, you need to have one NOW without a man (assuming you are a woman). Otherwise, you are youthful and if peak dating age. There’s a whole buffet of men in their 40’s who are never married or divorced (done with kids for you to live and help raise). The world is your oyster. You can even have kids with donor eggs in your 40’s. If you don’t want kids but having a life partner is your wish, you have plenty of time. Many friends and relatives got married in their 50’s (one aunt was 63) for their first marriage and all of them (every one) had deliriously happy romantic (not settling) marriages. Without the pressure or distraction of children. Warm thoughts your way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I’ll be 39 this month. I’ve had good relationships but they never turned into anything serious enough to get married. I’m trying to practice being okay that this may never happen for me. How do I do this? Anyone stay single and can share advice on how I can be okay with this?

Every family needs a Great Aunt Helen! This may be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I’ll be 39 this month. I’ve had good relationships but they never turned into anything serious enough to get married. I’m trying to practice being okay that this may never happen for me. How do I do this? Anyone stay single and can share advice on how I can be okay with this?

I think it’s okay to not feel okay about it. I’m 40 and never married, but still hoping to one day. My life is great as it is but I love being partnered and am sad when my relationships don’t work out.

It’s perfectly fine to feel the way you do OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs OP. Much of this depends on whether your goal is children within the conventional marriage set up. If having your own biological children is really important to you, you need to have one NOW without a man (assuming you are a woman). Otherwise, you are youthful and if peak dating age. There’s a whole buffet of men in their 40’s who are never married or divorced (done with kids for you to live and help raise). The world is your oyster. You can even have kids with donor eggs in your 40’s. If you don’t want kids but having a life partner is your wish, you have plenty of time. Many friends and relatives got married in their 50’s (one aunt was 63) for their first marriage and all of them (every one) had deliriously happy romantic (not settling) marriages. Without the pressure or distraction of children. Warm thoughts your way!

PP here

I love this and this gives me hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I’ll be 39 this month. I’ve had good relationships but they never turned into anything serious enough to get married. I’m trying to practice being okay that this may never happen for me. How do I do this? Anyone stay single and can share advice on how I can be okay with this?

Every family needs a Great Aunt Helen! This may be you.

You are really a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is overrated. Dual incomes is nice though.

[Anonymous]

It's completely okay to be sad about it -- but you are only 39 and life isn't over yet. If you really want kids, I would say have one on your own, but understand that it will likely put off the chances that you will also be married in the near future. I hit 39 with the same choices, and while I really wanted a partner and a child, it wasn't on the cards at that moment in time, and I felt that if I held out for both 'in the proper order', the odds were good that I would end up with neither. So I had the child on my own, which was great, but it took me a long time to get over the anger of not having a partner -- raising a child alone is a slog, and it is lonely -- your child is not your companion.

[Anonymous]

1. You are only 39. Plenty of women marry at 39+ and have children too. No one shames them in real life because women like the ones who jump all over you online would never dare say anything to your face.
2. If you want a child, you don't need a partner. Just look at this site... half the women are solo parenting even if they're married.

[Anonymous]

Reading this forum should be enough to convince anyone to feel better than okay to never get married...

[Anonymous]

Statistically it means you'll be happier.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is over rated op. Women don’t benefit much. IMHO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this forum should be enough to convince anyone to feel better than okay to never get married...

OP, it’s okay to grieve and be sad for what you envisioned your life might look like, but this is kind of the thing - marriage is not some magic pathway or bullet to happiness. What you have already, which is yourself, is really the only way to happiness, and you have an unobstructed path to do whatever, whenever you want that makes you happy.

As snarky as it sounds, this poster does have a point - poke around the forums and see that relationships can be hard, and that they are no guarantee of happiness, even years on.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I could have written this post. I too am 39 and single. I spent yesterday insanely depressed about it. Away from my family and thinking about what a failure I am while my friends are surrounded by their husbands and babies. I like to think I am ok, but I am not. Feel like a total failure. I froze my eggs when I was in my mid 30s which was good but not really looking to be a single parent. You are not alone. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

It's better to be single than in a shitty marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. There is always going to be a poster who says, "there are a million single and divorced guys", but you want one you can build a life wife - that's not easy for anyone, male or female to find. But remember, you are not going to meet someone in your living room or in front of the computer. If you are a loving person, love will find you. Seriously, the odds of a woman never finding someone to marry if that is what she wants is remote.