Why does my MIL stare....

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's trying to make sure you're understanding things being said the way her family member who she knows better than you do, means them. Maybe you're pretty and she just zones out.

Whatever. I don't know why people are saying you have to embarrass her - just smile at her when you catch her eye and otherwise ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s feeling left out of the conversation. Say “Oh Mary, are you wanting to be in the conversation? Sorry I was just listening to them”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's trying to make sure you're understanding things being said the way her family member who she knows better than you do, means them. Maybe you're pretty and she just zones out.

Whatever. I don't know why people are saying you have to embarrass her - just smile at her when you catch her eye and otherwise ignore it.

+1 WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How should we know? Ask your husband if he's ever noticed this.

Also, if she has eye issues like strabismus, it can make it seem like she's looking at you when she is not.

Nasty response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does this, too. She also once told me she envied me because I had a pretty sling carrier for when my daughter was a baby and "you always have beautiful things." It made me feel a little sad because I know it comes from a place of feeling less than (which she shouldn't!).

I think one reason the MIL relationship is often fraught is that MILs are often going through a challenging time in their lives (menopause, aging, losing friends and family and spouses, dealing with their own health issues) and they may look at their DIL as a reminder of everything they wish they had or feel like they've lost. Now, that's not really fair to a DIL, but it's also a pretty understandable attitude.

Anyway, I just assume my MIL is staring at me because she's working through those feelings. I try to be nice to her but also maintain my own boundaries. It's a bit of a dance at times. But I do think I'm doing better with the empathy thing since my FIL passed away. Anyway, sorry OP -- being stared at is not fun and I wish your MIL would stop. But I doubt it's malicious. And I guarantee it's much more about her than you.

LOL, your MIL's probably staring at you because she's hoping she didn't act like you when she was younger. I'm not a MIL or old enough to be a MIL, but sometimes, I can't believe the young women I encounter and cringe that I may have been so tone deaf in my younger years.

BTW, please don't pretend that you have empathy when it's really pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How should we know? Ask your husband if he's ever noticed this.

Also, if she has eye issues like strabismus, it can make it seem like she's looking at you when she is not.

I asked him - he says "yeah it's just something she does"

Does she do it to others? It sounds like it isn't personal, just an idiosyncrasy.

[Anonymous]

Smile and ignore OP. You already know she has some sort of mental health problem. Anything you say or do to fight her just staring at you will probably entice her into saying something crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smile and ignore OP. You already know she has some sort of mental health problem. Anything you say or do to fight her just staring at you will probably entice her into saying something crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does this, too. She also once told me she envied me because I had a pretty sling carrier for when my daughter was a baby and "you always have beautiful things." It made me feel a little sad because I know it comes from a place of feeling less than (which she shouldn't!).

I think one reason the MIL relationship is often fraught is that MILs are often going through a challenging time in their lives (menopause, aging, losing friends and family and spouses, dealing with their own health issues) and they may look at their DIL as a reminder of everything they wish they had or feel like they've lost. Now, that's not really fair to a DIL, but it's also a pretty understandable attitude.

Anyway, I just assume my MIL is staring at me because she's working through those feelings. I try to be nice to her but also maintain my own boundaries. It's a bit of a dance at times. But I do think I'm doing better with the empathy thing since my FIL passed away. Anyway, sorry OP -- being stared at is not fun and I wish your MIL would stop. But I doubt it's malicious. And I guarantee it's much more about her than you.

LOL, your MIL's probably staring at you because she's hoping she didn't act like you when she was younger. I'm not a MIL or old enough to be a MIL, but sometimes, I can't believe the young women I encounter and cringe that I may have been so tone deaf in my younger years.

BTW, please don't pretend that you have empathy when it's really pity.

NP. Huh? OP is describing MILmstaring at her while OP is *listening to someone else speak.* How many "wrong" ways could she possibly be doing that? You sound like you have a major chip on your shoulder. You are totally either a MIL or a #BoyMom!

[Anonymous]

Does she only do it to you? If so, then something about you probably bugs her. And that's a her problem, not you problem..

Next time, can you turn to her, look her dead in the eyes, and smile? Hold for a second for maximum creepiness. He heh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How should we know? Ask your husband if he's ever noticed this.

Also, if she has eye issues like strabismus, it can make it seem like she's looking at you when she is not.

Nasty response

How so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she only do it to you? If so, then something about you probably bugs her. And that's a her problem, not you problem..

Next time, can you turn to her, look her dead in the eyes, and smile? Hold for a second for maximum creepiness. He heh.

Ha, this. Stare back. Lick your lips. Make her so uncomfortable that she's forced to stop staring. This can get fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. she can't believe her incredible son is married to you
2. she can't believe her incredible son is having sex with you
3. she thinks you are HOT and imagining you in bed with her son
4. she thinks you are HOT and imagining her having sex with you
5. you have something on your face but she doesn't want to point out

PICK ONE

Exactly. Why is this an issue? Talk about "borrowing trouble."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does this, too. She also once told me she envied me because I had a pretty sling carrier for when my daughter was a baby and "you always have beautiful things." It made me feel a little sad because I know it comes from a place of feeling less than (which she shouldn't!).

I think one reason the MIL relationship is often fraught is that MILs are often going through a challenging time in their lives (menopause, aging, losing friends and family and spouses, dealing with their own health issues) and they may look at their DIL as a reminder of everything they wish they had or feel like they've lost. Now, that's not really fair to a DIL, but it's also a pretty understandable attitude.

Anyway, I just assume my MIL is staring at me because she's working through those feelings. I try to be nice to her but also maintain my own boundaries. It's a bit of a dance at times. But I do think I'm doing better with the empathy thing since my FIL passed away. Anyway, sorry OP -- being stared at is not fun and I wish your MIL would stop. But I doubt it's malicious. And I guarantee it's much more about her than you.

LOL, your MIL's probably staring at you because she's hoping she didn't act like you when she was younger. I'm not a MIL or old enough to be a MIL, but sometimes, I can't believe the young women I encounter and cringe that I may have been so tone deaf in my younger years.

BTW, please don't pretend that you have empathy when it's really pity.

PP here. I don’t pity my MIL but I do pity you. Projecting much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's trying to make sure you're understanding things being said the way her family member who she knows better than you do, means them. Maybe you're pretty and she just zones out.

Whatever. I don't know why people are saying you have to embarrass her - just smile at her when you catch her eye and otherwise ignore it.

+1 WTF

+2 WTF