My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend

[Anonymous]

You aren’t giving much detail but you need to talk to him, just one on one.

“Hey honey you said something about getting married a bit ago, we should talk about that because I really love you and want to be with you..”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 years and mid-30s? He doesn’t want to marry you.

I hope you're wrong :/ I love him a lot

By mid-30s he would have pulled the trigger. If you want kids, you need to move on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Generally it’s a bad idea. How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?

4 years, mid thirties

Have you talked about marriage?

Yes he would make comments about me being a " larla smith" one day. I think he's just slow about it. We talked about doing it once he got his business of the ground. He's done that and he's been in the black for 2 yrs.

And what did you say when he said that?
And how recent was it?

I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer.

He was mad at you?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Generally it’s a bad idea. How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?

4 years, mid thirties

Have you talked about marriage?

Yes he would make comments about me being a " larla smith" one day. I think he's just slow about it. We talked about doing it once he got his business of the ground. He's done that and he's been in the black for 2 yrs.

And what did you say when he said that?
And how recent was it?

I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer.

He was mad at you?

Mad at my comment. We talked about it later he said it upsets him when I say things like that. He says he loves me and we will get married and then he went on complaining about how swamped he is at work. For the last 2 years he has been pulling 80+ hour weeks.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I'm not so sure he wants to marry if he got angry at you joking about it in front of other people. It's easier to promise things in private.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Generally it’s a bad idea. How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?

4 years, mid thirties

Have you talked about marriage?

Yes he would make comments about me being a " larla smith" one day. I think he's just slow about it. We talked about doing it once he got his business of the ground. He's done that and he's been in the black for 2 yrs.

And what did you say when he said that?
And how recent was it?

I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer.

He was mad at you?

Mad at my comment. We talked about it later he said it upsets him when I say things like that. He says he loves me and we will get married and then he went on complaining about how swamped he is at work. For the last 2 years he has been pulling 80+ hour weeks.

So tell him that while he is pulling those 80 hour weeks and not marrying you you will be dating other people. If he wants to date you, you are available at the moment, but you are not cutting off options any longer. Why are you sitting around not dating other people while this workaholic commitment phobe is of working and not proposing to you

[Anonymous]

Imagine being a mom to two with him pulling 80+ hour weeks. Move on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Generally it’s a bad idea. How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?

4 years, mid thirties

Have you talked about marriage?

Yes he would make comments about me being a " larla smith" one day. I think he's just slow about it. We talked about doing it once he got his business of the ground. He's done that and he's been in the black for 2 yrs.

And what did you say when he said that?
And how recent was it?

I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer.

He was mad at you?

Mad at my comment. We talked about it later he said it upsets him when I say things like that. He says he loves me and we will get married and then he went on complaining about how swamped he is at work. For the last 2 years he has been pulling 80+ hour weeks.

Before men build a family many have to make sure they are confident they could provide to their standard not yours. He is hustling, 30yo millenials had a different start. Summer isnt that long ago. But you can set a hard line for yourself, even if you love him. If he loves you too, he will show it with his action on how much he is willing to invest and trst with you. A man is not a plan. Have your own, with backup options. But don't propose to this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. I'm not so sure he wants to marry if he got angry at you joking about it in front of other people. It's easier to promise things in private.

If he is a POC this is very common. Black men are very sensitive around provision, and slower on the commitment train, for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. So many red flags. Give his a six month deadline to propose and if he doesn't leave the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm headed to bed thanks everyone

[Anonymous]

If you think your ready to marry this person this should be a topic you should feel comfortable openly communicating about. Marriage is all about communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 years and mid-30s? He doesn’t want to marry you.

+1

Don't propose. It's called, settling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t giving much detail but you need to talk to him, just one on one.

“Hey honey you said something about getting married a bit ago, we should talk about that because I really love you and want to be with you..”

+1. If you can’t even talk about this then you don’t have the communication channels to handle marriage anyway.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn’t propose by Feb. 15, move on. 4+ years, mid 30s, You-know-what or get off the pot.