Gender disappointment

[Anonymous]

PP. I meant to post this on the other thread about why women want daughters. Sorry about that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

You needed an OP to tell you this?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all for the comments. I saw that someone wrote another post on this similar topic. I don’t know why they couldn’t have written it here. Anyway, just a backstory. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. She has a mental illness and doesn’t help out. I’ve always dreamed of having a girl so I can have the relationship I never had with my mother. I also know that boys leave you when you get older but girls stay. I am a daughter as well and I’m always there for my father. I always dreamed of doing tea parties, my daughters hair or getting ready for prom. We are still going to try for a third and it doesn’t hurt to gender sway even if it doesn’t work. We are happy either way, but I am praying for a girl. That’s all. Hopefully you all understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for the comments. I saw that someone wrote another post on this similar topic. I don’t know why they couldn’t have written it here. Anyway, just a backstory. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. She has a mental illness and doesn’t help out. I’ve always dreamed of having a girl so I can have the relationship I never had with my mother. I also know that boys leave you when you get older but girls stay. I am a daughter as well and I’m always there for my father. I always dreamed of doing tea parties, my daughters hair or getting ready for prom. We are still going to try for a third and it doesn’t hurt to gender sway even if it doesn’t work. We are happy either way, but I am praying for a girl. That’s all. Hopefully you all understand.

You could always get fabulous daughter in laws. My MIL only has sons so I included her in my wedding dress shopping and getting ready for the big day. I make sure to facilitate visits and calls with them. I bring the kids over there all the time while DH works. I've even taken the kids on vacation with them when DH couldn't get off work. Don't lose hope if you only have boys!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

If you need therapy to help you with your feelings about not having a girl, then it really doesn’t sound like you’d be okay with a third boy. Maybe you should wait before trying for a third.

I agree with this.

You’re also dreaming of an unknown. Plenty of boys/men have close relationships with their mothers. Plenty of girls/women have toxic relationships with their mothers. Love the kids you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for the comments. I saw that someone wrote another post on this similar topic. I don’t know why they couldn’t have written it here. Anyway, just a backstory. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. She has a mental illness and doesn’t help out. I’ve always dreamed of having a girl so I can have the relationship I never had with my mother. I also know that boys leave you when you get older but girls stay. I am a daughter as well and I’m always there for my father. I always dreamed of doing tea parties, my daughters hair or getting ready for prom. We are still going to try for a third and it doesn’t hurt to gender sway even if it doesn’t work. We are happy either way, but I am praying for a girl. That’s all. Hopefully you all understand.

You could always get fabulous daughter in laws. My MIL only has sons so I included her in my wedding dress shopping and getting ready for the big day. I make sure to facilitate visits and calls with them. I bring the kids over there all the time while DH works. I've even taken the kids on vacation with them when DH couldn't get off work. Don't lose hope if you only have boys!

Exactly, regardless of what the third ends up being, you have a good relationship with your future grandchildren by focusing on being a good MIL and grandparent. And it doesn't sound like you're in a good mindset to do that (in the future of course) - if you have boys you already "know" they'll leave you, and if you have a girl you'll put all your eggs in that basket and give up on being a active part of your adult sons' lives.

But otherwise yes I get it. Doing girl things with your girl that you did as a child is sweet and significant. Not having a girl to do those things with is different, even if the boy things are equally sweet. Just try to focus on the all that your children bring you and work on letting go of the gender based assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for the comments. I saw that someone wrote another post on this similar topic. I don’t know why they couldn’t have written it here. Anyway, just a backstory. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother. She has a mental illness and doesn’t help out. I’ve always dreamed of having a girl so I can have the relationship I never had with my mother. I also know that boys leave you when you get older but girls stay. I am a daughter as well and I’m always there for my father. I always dreamed of doing tea parties, my daughters hair or getting ready for prom. We are still going to try for a third and it doesn’t hurt to gender sway even if it doesn’t work. We are happy either way, but I am praying for a girl. That’s all. Hopefully you all understand.

Honestly, your post made me cringe. Even if you have a daughter, you don’t know that you will have a great relationship with her. Or that your daughter will “stay.” Or that your daughter would enjoy tea parties or having her hair done or even want to go to prom. And your daughter shouldn’t have to somehow compensate for the fact that you had a bad relationship with your mother. I hope you realize that your dreams about what kind of daughter you have may not come true even if you have a girl.

And the more you post, the more I wonder if you are really going to be okay if you have another boy. I do think it’s good that you are in therapy. I hope it helps.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I think gender disappointment is real and normal. I came here for support, and I feel like I am getting a lot of backlash. My sister has daughters, and I am aware of the pros and cons. I know it is a 50/50 chance. I just want a girl given my past family situation. I am not putting my eggs in one basket. I have two boys who I love dearly, and I hope we will have the same relationship my DH has with his parents.

[Anonymous]

OP your views on what boys do and what girls do are incredibly old-fashioned, and so limiting for your existing children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I think gender disappointment is real and normal. I came here for support, and I feel like I am getting a lot of backlash. My sister has daughters, and I am aware of the pros and cons. I know it is a 50/50 chance. I just want a girl given my past family situation. I am not putting my eggs in one basket. I have two boys who I love dearly, and I hope we will have the same relationship my DH has with his parents.

Do you have money? If I were in your shoes and really, really wanted a girl I wouldn't roll the dice, I'd just do IVF.

[Anonymous]

Why not adopt?

[Anonymous]

Some of you gave the OP ridiculous answers. OP is coming here for support, not useless comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

Your OB is wrong. Statistically, you're significantly more likely to have another boy. Anytime you have two of the same sex it's something around 70% (can't recall off the top of my head) that you'll conceive that sex a third time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your views on what boys do and what girls do are incredibly old-fashioned, and so limiting for your existing children.

NP. OP's view are very likely to pan out. not 100%, but high probability. only an idiot doesn't take into account probable events because they are not 100% certain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

Your OB is wrong. Statistically, you're significantly more likely to have another boy. Anytime you have two of the same sex it's something around 70% (can't recall off the top of my head) that you'll conceive that sex a third time.

I think you are wrong. I had miscarriages. We tested the embryos and they were both girls. I have two boys now. You are not an OB.