Gender disappointment

[Anonymous]

I am coming here to vent, so please don't have any judgment on me. I have been experiencing a lot of gender disappointment. I have two wonderful boys who I love dearly, but I always wanted a girl. I am seeing everyone around me have baby girls. I am seeking therapy to help me through this. We are trying for a third baby, not because of trying for a girl, but for wanting three. I am trying to "gender sway" but I know it is 50/50. Anyone else have a similar experience? Seeking motivation and comfort from the forum.

[Anonymous]

It sucks but you’ll get over it. So much of gender disappointment is based on your made-up and mythical idea of what your “girl” would be like. She won’t be, even if she’s a girl. People who have their preferred gender learn that too, just later.

[Anonymous]

Also, do you honestly and truly want a third boy? I have two boys, wanted a girl, love my boys and are grateful for them, BUT I knew in my heart I didn’t really want a third boy—the energy, the chaos during the preschool years, the physicality of my boys. So I didn’t have a third. But my friends with two boys who had a third pretty much all had another boy. My guess is you will too. Are you really ok with that?

[Anonymous]

Don’t have a third unless you’re okay with another boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, do you honestly and truly want a third boy? I have two boys, wanted a girl, love my boys and are grateful for them, BUT I knew in my heart I didn’t really want a third boy—the energy, the chaos during the preschool years, the physicality of my boys. So I didn’t have a third. But my friends with two boys who had a third pretty much all had another boy. My guess is you will too. Are you really ok with that?

Sorry, I posted and this is harsher than I meant. I just wanted to remind you that you have the option not to save yourself the pain of gender disappointment by not having another (I am reading you as not pregnant yet?). It’s ok to decide you don’t want to roll again.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

[Anonymous]

I had it with my first. He was very likely going to be my only due to infertility issues. I was honestly crushed and had to grieve my way through it. I eventually came around and of course now he’s the light of my life. I don’t know what to say beyond that, except that gender disappointment is real and I get it, and I’m sorry you’re working your way through it.

[Anonymous]

Exact same position OP and its ok to be dissapointed. It may always feel that way even if you appreciate what you have. Like all the roads not taken.

And to the people that say that its made up, I disagree. Of course there are no guarantees, but many many girls go prom dress shopping with their mom, lean on their mom with their first baby, take girls trips with their mom, share details of their life and also want to hear details of their moms life (as adults). So a girl might not love ballet or crafts - sure, and you may not get your craft buddy out of it. But on average you're more likely to get the mother / daughter type of relationship and closeness. And that is different from the typical mother / son adult relationship. My mom was close to her mom, my sister and i are both close to our mom, odds are i'd build that type of mother / daughter relationship if i had a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. You really need to prepare yourself to have a boy...like, assume that you will be having a boy.

I had some gender disappointment with my second. I had really, really wanted (and for some reason expected) to have a girl. But he is the sweetest little guy...just melts my heart. And it will be the same for you. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

You needed an OP to tell you this?

[Anonymous]

Have the third. I have three boys. Pregnant with a girl now. Sometimes I feel disappointed that it's not a fourth boy! Hah. Yes, it's chaotic at times. But we snuggle, I bake with them, watch Disney movies. We save on toilet paper. It's good to be queen. A third boy makes you see that all the hashtag boy moms of 2 are wannabes. No guts no glory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are ok if the baby is a boy. Our OB told us it is 50:50 chance of sex.

If you need therapy to help you with your feelings about not having a girl, then it really doesn’t sound like you’d be okay with a third boy. Maybe you should wait before trying for a third.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP.

I hope you get your girl. Best to you.

[Anonymous]

I wanted a girl and had mild disappointment when I learned that I'm expecting a boy. I'm an only child but was fairly close to my cousins growing up, 4 out of 5 of whom were girls. I wasn't a super girly girl and I'm still not into stereotypical girl stuff like shopping and make up, etc but I'm also not into sports and physical risk taking, which I associate with boys due to stereotypes. DH has 3 nieces and one nephew, and I love them all but have found it easier to bond with the girls due to shared interests. And I understand their developmental milestones better since I've been there. I like keeping a clean and orderly house, which may be harder with a boy (but I understand that girls can be messy, too.)

For reasons like these I've always wanted to have a daughter but that doesn't mean I won't love raising a son. He'll take me out of my comfort zone and teach me ways to bond with him in ways I can't imagine right now. I'm looking forward to his arrival!

[Anonymous]

I know someone that finally got her girl at kid #5....