Feeling Insecure about First Time Expecting at 36
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Anonymous
| Depending on where exactly you are in this area, that’s either just about average (closer-in), or a few years older than average but not by much, and you likely wouldn’t be the oldest first time mom in a room anyway (further out). It’s totally normal for this area either way. I’m sure you will be perfectly fine. Best of luck for a healthy pregnancy! |
Anonymous
Happy to hear this as I had my first at 44 and looking at my second at 47 if all continues well.  So here to confirm, OP, you are smack in the middle of the pack for DC, and even among family and friends in the Midwest I know plenty of people who had a first around 40. A new baby is a wonderful thing pretty much regardless of one's age (and older is better than very young IMO - I also know someone who had a kid at 13 and THAT was hard) and everyone gets that except the occasional weirdo internet troll. I have never had a single person comment on my age as a mother. Congrats!
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Anonymous
OP I have almost the exact same story. I met my DH a little earlier, but due to job loss and other issues we didn't get married until I was 34 and yep, I conceived at 36. I was a basket case during my pregnancy and worried that we'd waited too long but then the baby was born and everything was great and I met a ton of moms around my age and my stress about my age just kind of went away. I don't know about you, but I think part of the issue is that I was an older mom by the standard of my family (all my siblings had their kids in their 20s and early 30s) and they treated me like I was an abnormality. There was also another woman in my office who was pregnant at the exact same time as me (like due dates within days of each other) who was a full decade younger than me. It really skewed my thinking and made me feel so old even though my OB kept telling me that I was average for her practice. It got so much better when I stopped focusing on them and instead focused on my peer group -- people I went to school with, neighbors, etc. Yes, some people have kids earlier. But some have kids later! I have a friend who had her first baby at 42. No judgment to younger moms at all, but I think being an older mom has been great for me and my kid. I'm more patient now, don't take things as personally, and have a better sense of what I need to keep myself regulated and happy. That comes in really handy in the early years of parenting, dealing with crazy sleep schedules, kids who don't want to eat anything, potty training, and toddler meltdowns. I would not have dealt with any of that as gracefully as I do now if I'd had kids earlier in life. My kids get the benefit of my extra years of wisdom and we are all better off for it. |
Anonymous
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I had my first at 37 and just had my second at 41. DH and I didn’t marry until we were 32, then we struggled with infertility for several years. I don’t feel out of place at all in this area and, short of a few extra ultrasounds, I wasn’t treated any differently during my (uncomplicated, relatively easy) pregnancies and deliveries than my younger friends.
Now, when I go back to my hometown, I do feel a little odd. My childhood best friend’s oldest just started college! |
Anonymous
| I had my first at 29 and people in DC treated me like a teen mom. You are totally average for the area. Congratulations on your pregnancy! |
Anonymous
| I'd focus on being thankful that all looks well in your scans and that you have a healthy pregnancy. Focus on feeling great and being proud of yourself for being on the journey. |
Anonymous
Ha, same! I was sort of self-conscious of being younger...I joined a first time moms group and I feel like everyone in it was between 33 and 38. 36/37 is so completely normal around here, and while this isn’t scientific, I can’t personally think of anyone who had any real age-related issues while still in their thirties. I hope your pregnancy continues to go smoothly! |
Anonymous
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You are not old! Don't forget we are in a society that worships youth, sexualizes girls at an early age, and dismisses women as worthless when they start aging. Don't buy into it and let that thinking affect your joy!
I had my kids at 36 and 38. All my paperwork said "geriatric pregnancy". I found it funny. When I first came to see my ped after giving birth to my first, I referred to myself as "an older mom". She laughed. She was 46 with a 2 year old at the time. |
Anonymous
+1000 |
Anonymous
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Like other pp's have said, you're pretty young to be having your first in this area.
But also, think about all the things you're bringing into motherhood that a 20something cannot--you know more about life now and can probably be more chill about bringing up a child, you're likely more financially secure, have an established career, you also got the chance to party before having kids. I had my first DC at 36. Congratulations on a healthy pregnancy! |
Anonymous
I had my first when I had just turned 28! |
Anonymous
Pressed enter too soon. I was also treated like a freak, and my OB made several comments about what a youngun I was. |
Anonymous
| Yep OP you’re young for this area. I had my first at 36 and never felt old. |
Anonymous
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Get together $50k for a time-turner and become younger.
I mean honestly, what is the utility of having angst about this? Let it go. Congratulations OP! |
Anonymous
Same, and honestly, I always felt so young and awkward compared to the other moms, even when DD was in elementary school and I was mid-thirties and the other moms were early forties. I ended up having more kids at 33 and 35, and feel so much more comfortable in social settings now (but still on the younger side, or at least not the older!). |