Feeling Insecure about First Time Expecting at 36

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine, but look at it in the long run, if your kid will have a kid at 38, you'll be in your mid 70s, and you might not be able to help them. I think 40 is old personally. I think the women who are 40 are just saying that they aren't tired to feel better.

Then don't have a kid at 40, but when other people say they don't feel any more tired at 40 than they did at 30, you can't make up stuff like "you're just saying that to feel better" because you don't have any personal experience in the matter. Some people take better care of themselves and have tons of energy at 40 and older.

I had kids at 25 and 35 so I can attest it's much harder on your body even when when you work out 5 days a week (I do!)

[Anonymous]

Sure but the physical part isn’t the only aspect of having children. I’m a lot more patient and emotionally mature than I was at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine, but look at it in the long run, if your kid will have a kid at 38, you'll be in your mid 70s, and you might not be able to help them. I think 40 is old personally. I think the women who are 40 are just saying that they aren't tired to feel better.

Then don't have a kid at 40, but when other people say they don't feel any more tired at 40 than they did at 30, you can't make up stuff like "you're just saying that to feel better" because you don't have any personal experience in the matter. Some people take better care of themselves and have tons of energy at 40 and older.

I had kids at 25 and 35 so I can attest it's much harder on your body even when when you work out 5 days a week (I do!)

That's your experience. It wasn't mine (PP with DDs born at 37 and 41). People are different. I grow tired of people telling me I should feel tired because I'm "old".
Both of my grandmothers had their last children in their 40s. One of them was pretty run down by then, but the other wasn't.

[Anonymous]

I personally think it is bananas to have your first kid at 38. There are so many more complications and risks. What if your kid has special needs? I have a child with special needs, and it is very hard to take care of my kid even though I am in my 30s. I think there are positives and negatives. The pluses are that you are more mature and don't care what other people think. You also have a more stable career and money. The minus is that you might not live to see your kid get married or have kids. That is the truth. Just do what's best for you. I still think you can move up in your career when you have your kids early. I know a lot of people who do it. It is easier to take a pause IMO when you are younger than when you're older and on the top. I get it 38 is the new 30 for having kids, but you'll end up with higher risk pregnancies and more c-sections.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! So happy for you and DH! I would ignore all the haters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it is bananas to have your first kid at 38. There are so many more complications and risks. What if your kid has special needs? I have a child with special needs, and it is very hard to take care of my kid even though I am in my 30s. I think there are positives and negatives. The pluses are that you are more mature and don't care what other people think. You also have a more stable career and money. The minus is that you might not live to see your kid get married or have kids. That is the truth. Just do what's best for you. I still think you can move up in your career when you have your kids early. I know a lot of people who do it. It is easier to take a pause IMO when you are younger than when you're older and on the top. I get it 38 is the new 30 for having kids, but you'll end up with higher risk pregnancies and more c-sections.

You're entitled to your opinions, just like anybody else. Feel free to live your life based on your opinions. You think 38 is too old to have a baby, fine, don't have a baby at 38! Let other women make their own decisions about what is right or wrong for them based on their lives, circumstances, and preferences without unnecessary judgment from you. Coming up with arbitrary thresholds like 38, 40, or whatever to have a baby on a thread started by an OP who is already feeling insecure about her age is not helpful. In fact, it's mean.

[Anonymous]

PP, you are right. I am so sorry. I feel terrible.

[Anonymous]

You are not old. I had my first two at 28 and 30, and people thought I was so young. Thinking of having a fourth at 37, and feel like I’ll finally fit in around here.

[Anonymous]

OP I met DH when I was 33, got married at 35. For various reasons we did not start trying t o conceive until I was 41.

Conceived naturally within 6 months and had my DS at 42.
He is 7 months old now and a joy in our lives.

Yes the delivery had its share of drama because I had to be induced because of my age as I was showing no signs of labor even after 39weeks, but that apart nothing else was any different because of my age. FWIW I was healthy and more active at 41 than in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it is bananas to have your first kid at 38. There are so many more complications and risks. What if your kid has special needs? I have a child with special needs, and it is very hard to take care of my kid even though I am in my 30s. I think there are positives and negatives. The pluses are that you are more mature and don't care what other people think. You also have a more stable career and money. The minus is that you might not live to see your kid get married or have kids. That is the truth. Just do what's best for you. I still think you can move up in your career when you have your kids early. I know a lot of people who do it. It is easier to take a pause IMO when you are younger than when you're older and on the top. I get it 38 is the new 30 for having kids, but you'll end up with higher risk pregnancies and more c-sections.

Ok so will just tell OP it's her own fault, she didn't meet her spouse until she was 32, married at 34, and struggled with having a baby until 36. Got it.

[Anonymous]

DC area women take care of themselves. They eat right, exercise regularly and are able to keep up with newborns and toddler aged children in their 40’s.

[Anonymous]

1) Don’t feel insecure about having a baby at 38, period

2) Use this time to work on your self-confidence and DGAF skills, because the insecurities and judgements and comments are gonna be x100 when you are raising an actual kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,

Honestly just looking for a confidence boost from this community. I met my DH when I was 32, didn't marry until we were 34, spent the last 2 years trying and are finally pregnant!!!!

I'm having a lot of insecurities about my age. The insecurities are not because I am high risk, but just being too much in my head my first child will be when I am almost 37.

I went for my first trimester screening and everything looks fantastic!!!! While I was in the waiting room I just got very insecure seeing all the younger women (at least those who appear younger). I know I am being silly but was hoping some older FTM can share any tips for not getting in this negative headspace, it's really unhealthy. THANK YOU!!

Damn, life is pretty.

I had my kid at 24. By the time I’m your age he’ll be 12. Holy smoly.

[Anonymous]

Do you live in a different area of the country, OP? Because in the DC area, that's pretty typical, especially among highly educated/professional women. I had my first at 32, but I'm a bit on the young end compared to many parents I know.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations!! You’re the perfect age to become a mom! The right age is when you’re in a place where you’re ready to start a family. Be empowered, you’ll be a great Mom. Also, as a “young mom” I was self conscious about my age a lot, but the way someone put it for me was asking me if I judged older moms for their age and I said “of course not”. Her point was that moms who were ready to start families at different ages were not judging me for being “young” and I was not judging others for being “old”. 27, 37, and 47 are all perfect ages to start a family. There are too many factors to prescribe a 3-5 year window.