I think I’m a crappy mom and doubting my ability to parent.

[Anonymous]

I was a single mom when my son was that age so I totally get it. I had to put him in the pack n play every day when I showered and at first it was AWFUL - he would scream and cry. But after a few times he would fuss when I first left the room and then start playing with the toys and books I left in there with him.

It’s OK. It gets better pretty soon. Something else I did was take a bottom kitchen cabinet and turn it into a toy cabinet - he could play it in while I was cooking, play hide and seek in it while I did dishes, etc. and put his books on a bottom shelf somewhere he can get to them.

This is a really fun and super intense age. You are a great mom, and I hope you start to feel more confident soon!

[Anonymous]

You’re a great mom, you just have a difficult child. My second was like this. He’s a great joy to us all now. Hang in there, ma, you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

At least you’re not like me and end up screaming at him I feel like shit every time. Sorry OP you’re doing well by my standards.

[Anonymous]

The toddler stage is HARD. I hated it too. I don't admit that often, but I did.

Here's what got me through:

There's an end in sight. There are things to enjoy in this moment; focus on those, and just deal with the crappy stuff until it passes.

It's totally OK if the kid is unhappy for a few minutes. He knows he's loved; you don't need to worry about abandonment or neglect by leaving him in a pack n play for 10 minutes while you pee in peace. Just think for a minute about how ridiculous that sounds ... but we all feel it in the moment. It's just a lack of perspective when you're in the middle of it. As long as he's physically safe, it's fine to let him scream for a few minutes ... even if you need headphones blasting your favorite 80's metal band to block it out .

Get away when you can. DH had a weekend away ... so should you. Or at least a few hours on your own, especially during bedtime. You need to actually leave the house so that you don't get sucked back in.

[Anonymous]

The early years are so, so, so demanding. i think we all know what it's like to not even be able to use the bathroom in peace. That doesn't mean you're a bad parent, OP. How you feel is totally normal. Hang in there. It's hard to imagine, but time will go by and things will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you’re not like me and end up screaming at him I feel like shit every time. Sorry OP you’re doing well by my standards.

Hugs, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you’re not like me and end up screaming at him I feel like shit every time. Sorry OP you’re doing well by my standards.

Can you do something to lessen your load, or deal with your anger, so you don't end up screaming at him? You are your child's world during the toddler stage. Screaming at a toddler is much more damaging than it might sometimes seem. You must get this to some degree because you say you feel like shit, so I'm not trying to shame you further. Verbal abuse is a big deal and something that really needs to be dealt with. Hopefully you already are getting help, perhaps?

My husband obviously doesn't remember being yelled at as a child, though he probably was. He sure does, however, remember his sister being yelled at as a toddler. It's a bad way to start off a relationship with your child and usually doesn't get better by itself. (The toddler years are not going to be the only stressful times you encounter.)

[Anonymous]

I feel like I could have written this OP. My son is also 16 months, not as clingy but crawling up, climbing, running, digging into everything. I feel like a walking zombie. DH and i are working from home and taking care of him which has been quite the challenge. You are doing great I’m sure, we are all in the same boat. I considered having a second soon but not anymore.... not sure how people do it, especially in COVID times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you’re not like me and end up screaming at him I feel like shit every time. Sorry OP you’re doing well by my standards.

Can you do something to lessen your load, or deal with your anger, so you don't end up screaming at him? You are your child's world during the toddler stage. Screaming at a toddler is much more damaging than it might sometimes seem. You must get this to some degree because you say you feel like shit, so I'm not trying to shame you further. Verbal abuse is a big deal and something that really needs to be dealt with. Hopefully you already are getting help, perhaps?

My husband obviously doesn't remember being yelled at as a child, though he probably was. He sure does, however, remember his sister being yelled at as a toddler. It's a bad way to start off a relationship with your child and usually doesn't get better by itself. (The toddler years are not going to be the only stressful times you encounter.)

I’m the poster and still this made me feel like shit but probably because you’re right. I don’t know I cook all meals and snacks, I do dishes and laundry, I work fulllllllll fuhhhkeenn time at all times of the day, he skips naps and throws tantrums, he’s up at least two times at night so sleep is garbage, he doesn’t listen, nothing no listening, and it’s just me and my husband here, no family or friends since we just moved here. So listening to whining over and over and over and over and over and over again I lose it. So to OP you ARE doing better than others take it from me.

[Anonymous]

I embraced it and co-slept and carried my daughter. She'd dropped all naps at 12 months, too! Luckily for me, since I am petite and not athletic, she was tiny and light. Since she was a delight when velcro-ed to me, we did everything together and it all went swimmingly until she slowly became more independent, gradually and painlessly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you’re not like me and end up screaming at him I feel like shit every time. Sorry OP you’re doing well by my standards.

Can you do something to lessen your load, or deal with your anger, so you don't end up screaming at him? You are your child's world during the toddler stage. Screaming at a toddler is much more damaging than it might sometimes seem. You must get this to some degree because you say you feel like shit, so I'm not trying to shame you further. Verbal abuse is a big deal and something that really needs to be dealt with. Hopefully you already are getting help, perhaps?

My husband obviously doesn't remember being yelled at as a child, though he probably was. He sure does, however, remember his sister being yelled at as a toddler. It's a bad way to start off a relationship with your child and usually doesn't get better by itself. (The toddler years are not going to be the only stressful times you encounter.)

I’m the poster and still this made me feel like shit but probably because you’re right. I don’t know I cook all meals and snacks, I do dishes and laundry, I work fulllllllll fuhhhkeenn time at all times of the day, he skips naps and throws tantrums, he’s up at least two times at night so sleep is garbage, he doesn’t listen, nothing no listening, and it’s just me and my husband here, no family or friends since we just moved here. So listening to whining over and over and over and over and over and over again I lose it. So to OP you ARE doing better than others take it from me.

It's hard without other people to lean on. I hope you're able to get a break soon.

[Anonymous]

I think you should take a weekend away and leave your husband alone with the kid. Quid pro quo

[Anonymous]

You are not a crappy mom; you got dealt a difficult kid.
Maybe next time ask the nanny to come over and work extra hours and go out for a bit?

[Anonymous]

The toddler stage is exhausting!

[Anonymous]

DD was super easy until around 2, and then the skies opened up. I have an AP from 7:30-4:30 M-F. And then on Sunday, I have a sitter come in the morning for a few hours. Every week, even if I don't feel like I need it. I run errands. I get takeout and eat it in my car, whatever. Do whatever you need to keep yourself sane.