I think I’m a crappy mom and doubting my ability to parent.

[Anonymous]

My husband was away all weekend and it was just me and my son, who is 16 months.

He is a sweet boy, but incredibly clingy. I cannot go to the bathroom alone or shower. If I put him in his pack and play so I can get something - anything - done, he will scream non stop, even with the television on.

If I try to make food or lunch for him, he is at my feet begging to be picked up. I cannot turn my back or walk away or else he will cry.

He was refusing his nap and didn’t go down for his nap that starts at 11 until about 1PM. When I’d try to put him down he would immediately stand up and want to get out of his crub.

I felt so overwhelmed I went into the bathroom and closed the door for two minutes. My son was on the other side beating on the door and screaming. It felt like an eternity and I came out feeling worse than when I went in.

My son won’t go down with my husband at night. He will cry for me. Half of the time he wants to nurse to sleep and I am so done with nursing.

I am exhausted from being needed all the time. I work full time and also have a nanny and a housekeeper. So I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to complain.

But when my husband takes off for an entire weekend and I can’t shower or even go to the bathroom, i feel like I’m about to lose it. It’s so hard. It makes me doubt myself as a mother. I didn’t get to do anything that I wanted to do and felt like I was just going through the motions.

I really don’t love this toddler stage. I’m feeling resentful of my husband. My cup is empty.

[Anonymous]

Not much I can say to help, but my DD was very much like this at 16 months (an beyond, sorry to say). However, it does get better, and overtime she has become more independent and a lot easier (there are still hard moments, no doubt). Just a message to say, I have been there and even had another one! At 16 months I would have thought a second kid was crazy. For what it's worth, number two is a lot easier--it makes me confident that it is the disposition of child, and not the parenting. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I had a similar experience with both of my kids, and they are now 5 and 7 and sooooo much easier. Some kids are just harder than others -very clingy, sensitive, etc, while others just go with the flow better and can play independently. I remember having a kid for one weekend alone at that age was so hard. We got through it by taking turns with DH to each have alone time to recharge, and always stuck to a strict bedtime routine so that we could veg once kids went to bed. Trust me, it’s not you. Hang in there, celebrate the small happy moments, and know that it will get easier!

[Anonymous]

Do you go away for a weekend? Do that - you will get a break and it’s a great way to wean. Your DH and kid will figure it out - your kid will know you aren’t there so he won’t fuss for you. You can rent a cabin in driving distance for like $100/night so it can be done cheaply even during COVID.

Also 16 months is the height of whining. They have thoughts more complex than their language and it’s hard for everyone. Take breaks away from the house (even now) and hang in there!

[Anonymous]

16 months is a particularly clingy age. Please don't doubt your parenting abilities, particularly in these times - the changes to the social environment are harder on toddlers than most people realize, so they are craving any sort of physical or social interaction even more than normal. Of course it's going to drive you crazy.

Is there any way you can leave for a weekend and have your DH spend a couple days solo with the kid? Partly to give you a break, but also to reset the relationships so that you aren't automatically the subject of your son's desire for human touch. It'll be hard on both of them, but better for all of you in the long run. Your son needs to know that you aren't the only person in the world who can care for him.

Other than that, just take it one day at a time. It will get easier as he gets older. Like every phase, this too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

Your son does not see you much during the week because you work full time! He wants to feel safe and needs your love and affection. This clingy stage will pass.

[Anonymous]

First, when you’re solo with your kid. Do not set any expectations that you’ll get anything done. Assume you’ll be spending all of your time tending to the toddler, and that way if you’re able to do anything else, you will feel extra good about it.

Second, this is a super clingy stage. With mine at that age, often I was able to give a big hug instead of picking them up. Kid got the physical affection and attention they were looking for, and I was able to carry on with making dinner or whatever else I was doing. I would just say, “I am doing something right now and I can’t hold you, but how about a big hug?” Then I would get down to their level and scoop them up for a big hug. Most of the time they would toddle off and play with something. You can also let him “help” you after the hug-set him up on a stool at the sink and let him do dishes (which is really just water play with plastic dishes and dish soap). Or give him something to stir. Or the salad spinner. My toddlers loved the salad spinner.

You’re not a bad mom. Toddlers are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same as you OP.

Two things I do:

Go for a drive and get fast food. My kid is usually pretty ok in the car for about 20-30 minutes.

Buy a tush baby. It’s like a little saddle you strap to your side that the baby can sit in. You can pick them up and set them down a lot easier than an actual carrier.

[Anonymous]

Frankly 1.5 is HARD. 15 months-24 months was the worst for me with my kids. Forget terrible 2 or terrible 3s, I love those ages. My son was even harder at 1.5 than my dd because he couldn't talk as well (boys are just a tad slower and more physical). So he could do everything and climb everywhere, but couldn't say what he wanted. At 24 months there was a language explosion and he started speaking in sentences which was such a relief. And they get more patience and more time permanence. They trust that when I say "one minute", I mean it and will get to them.

Also, I'm shocked you tried to put a 16 month old in a pack n play. That maybe works with a 6 month old, but a 16 month old? That would just piss my kids off after 12 months.

I also think your son wants MORE attention. I bet if you fake it and give into him more, he'll back off being so clingy. That works with my dd. She's much more clingy than I'm able to give. I basically scheduled time in my day for cuddles and long hugs. Fill his cup even if it's not the way you like to give attention.

[Anonymous]

Do what parents of multiple children do. Strap that baby to you and carry on with life.

If you hate nursing, wean. 15 months is a great window of opportunity to wean. The next window is right around 18 months. Work toward weaning. I liked one of my children much better after weaning.

[Anonymous]

Yes. That year between 1 and 2 is the hardest in my opinion. Hang in there OP! 48 hours on your own would exhaust anybody.

[Anonymous]

I put my 17 month only in a pack in play all the time. Sometimes he hates it, but it’s safe and sometimes that is all that matters. Sometimes he’s perfectly happy to play there. Nothing wrong with using a pnp, OP.

Not as much with DS, but at this age with DD I wore her in the ergo on my back to get anything done around the house. Didn’t help with going to the bathroom or showering (which I still do when they’re asleep if DH isn’t around). But might be worth a shot. I’d wear DS too but he get frustrated pretty quickly on my back and on my front he is into EVERYTHING.

I also suggest getting away. I didn’t do it with DD but I did it pre Covid for 1 night with DS and the world kept turning at home. It was good for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I think a hard but necessary thing is, if he screams, he screams. If he's safe, it's okay to let him scream. You have to be able to use the bathroom and make him lunch. Honestly, put him in a safe place and ignore him.

My 19 month old might cry for a minute when I go to make his lunch or I go to the bathroom, but he stops and amuses himself pretty quickly. Make sure he's safe and get done what you need to get done.

This is true for nighttime. If he's in his crib, safe, it's okay if he cries a bit. Stop nursing him to sleep so you can wean.

[Anonymous]

Being a mommy is crappy. Most of the time. Especially to young boys who are much harder as toddlers but easier as they get older. I agree with PP. Let him cry. I didn't do this as much with my eldest but looking back, it would have saved me so much stress and anxiety. My kids are passed the toddler stage now, thank god, but I realize that I was far too pushed over by their cries and it encouraged them to keep pushing. You are not a terrible mom - mommying is terrible.

And so jealous of my husband who just looks at me when the kids say "I only want mommy to put me to sleep/give me my bath/feed me my dinner." FFS, try to engage and be funny or something and then the kids will want to go with you. Or just sit there with your tea and look at me.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. The young toddler age was the toughest for me too (also have boys). It’s like everyone thinks it should be smooth sailing after the newborn/baby craziness but before the “terrible 2’s/3’s” and it’s NOT! We had some good times at that age but also lots of struggles. My oldest was a good and FAST walker/runner at an early age. As soon as he was out of his car seat he’d take off. So, it was the stroller for us basically everywhere plus me following him around extremely closely. Then they don’t have the attention span for any activities, and they really can’t communicate with words so it’s just constant fuss and redirecting. Rest assured, most everyone who’s had a kid like yours and mine has experienced a turnaround starting at around age 2. 2 years old was a really good time for my oldest and for me too (my youngest is just a little younger than yours now so I know what’s coming up lol). I feel that’s why every sibling set seems to be a bit less than 3 years apart in age, because the newly 2 year olds are actually pretty easy in comparison to the 1-2 year olds! Hang in there!