Help me teach my son about women’s rights!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, don’t lecture. Also, is he possibly trying to assert himself as different from his sisters in a 14-year-old-younger-brother kind of a way?

I think this is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, don’t lecture. Also, is he possibly trying to assert himself as different from his sisters in a 14-year-old-younger-brother kind of a way?

Yeah. I too, wonder if he's just playing devil's advocate to be an asshole younger brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen, don’t lecture. Also, is he possibly trying to assert himself as different from his sisters in a 14-year-old-younger-brother kind of a way?

Yeah. I too, wonder if he's just playing devil's advocate to be an asshole younger brother.

And a rebellious son. Unfortunately, e is also probably looking at some dangerous websites. There also might be some truth to how he feels, for example, if all he hears in the home is how bad men are

[Anonymous]

Does he have friends who are girls?

When he says men are discriminated against, does he say why they are victims?

Does he realize how the same algorithms to keep you watching you tube videos and make $ are keeping you there by feeding you more and more radicalizing content?

[Anonymous]

OP just be sure to teach him the right kind of feminism. You, know, the one that says Brock Turner should be locked up for a good decade, but Jacob Blake committed sexual assault because he was a victim of the system.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for all the replies so far. It’s very helpful and gives me a lot to think about.

Just to clarify a few things - I do monitor his online activity, which is where I learned of his viewpoints. He doesn’t express these views to us at all, so I’m not sure this could simply be younger brother rebellion. He has a great relationship with his sisters. He and I have always had a great relationship too. He’s just not the type of kid who tends to open up about these things in person. He has always been incredibly respectful to me.

His dad is not like this at all. We have always shared household responsibilities. DS actually likes cooking and cleaning more than his sisters do. They have all done their own laundry since age 11, and they don’t mind this at all.

He is involved in Boy Scouts and some of it started there, with the idea of letting girls in. This is the one issue he did discuss with us. He said he didn’t like the idea because Boy Scouts is teaching them to be men. I asked him what he has learned through scouts that women should know how to do. He had no answer. I didn’t attack him, and he didn’t seem upset. But maybe I didn’t respond correctly and it triggered something. I think Scouts in general is contributing to this, but I don’t think that’s his main source. He’s not really tight with those guys and I don’t think they have much influence over him.

We do NOT speak negatively in our household at all. I have always been very sensitive to that.

He has always had friends who are girls.

I just don’t know what to do about this without making it worse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start monitoring what he’s watching online ASAP. He’s likely getting sucked in to MRA stuff, which is toxic enough on its own but will definitely lead to even more toxic views. Read up on articles by people formerly in the MRA movement to get ideas for deprogramming. This is serious.

+1. It's amazing how online algorithms work to promote certain content, and it only gets worse.

There is so much toxic information online now.
Monitor his girls internet usage and we also installed Disney Circle to block harmful content ( I hope it’s helping )
Radicalized groups are getting better and better at finding and brainwashing impressionable kids and teens.

[Anonymous]

My DS is about the same age and it is a tough age. Keep having open and calm conversations without the lecture. Listen more and talk less. This age is hard and DH and I often are frustrated. We see our son thinking he’s grown and mature with strong points of view but in reality, he’s still so very young and immature. I understand my son’s point of view, how sometimes he becomes upset and feels like the news and media is against him for being a white male. In his mind he’s a good person and hasn’t done anything wrong. Rather than tell him his feelings are wrong, we use these opportunities to start discussions. Also, he only speaks without at filter like this at home. We are glad he feels comfortable talking to his parents. I am monitoring his internet activity texts and there is nothing online. I think part of the teen years is rebelling to everything they see and hear and we are always willing to have an open conversation with our kids about hard topics, as long as we are home if things get heated.

[Anonymous]

You need to wipe his internet browsers of all history and wipe all the cookies from all your devices. Wipe his phone down to da Tory aw settings and rebuild. He has gone down the MRA rabbit hole and everything being fed to him online is going to confirm that worldview. This is dangerous. There is a very very thin like between MRA stuff and white supremacist content...if he already thinks men are the oppressed class, most MRA’s also think white men are under attack in America.

You have let him get really far with unmonitored Internet. Dial it back in HARD. Heavy filtering. Get him to read things with you...like audiobooks in the car. Start with Moxie by Jennifer Matthieu. Also try Maybe He Just likes You by Barbara Dee. He basically needs re-immersion in reality to reprogram him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for all the replies so far. It’s very helpful and gives me a lot to think about.

Just to clarify a few things - I do monitor his online activity, which is where I learned of his viewpoints. He doesn’t express these views to us at all, so I’m not sure this could simply be younger brother rebellion. He has a great relationship with his sisters. He and I have always had a great relationship too. He’s just not the type of kid who tends to open up about these things in person. He has always been incredibly respectful to me.

His dad is not like this at all. We have always shared household responsibilities. DS actually likes cooking and cleaning more than his sisters do. They have all done their own laundry since age 11, and they don’t mind this at all.

He is involved in Boy Scouts and some of it started there, with the idea of letting girls in. This is the one issue he did discuss with us. He said he didn’t like the idea because Boy Scouts is teaching them to be men. I asked him what he has learned through scouts that women should know how to do. He had no answer. I didn’t attack him, and he didn’t seem upset. But maybe I didn’t respond correctly and it triggered something. I think Scouts in general is contributing to this, but I don’t think that’s his main source. He’s not really tight with those guys and I don’t think they have much influence over him.

We do NOT speak negatively in our household at all. I have always been very sensitive to that.

He has always had friends who are girls.

I just don’t know what to do about this without making it worse...

OP here to correct a couple of typos-

I asked him what he has learned in scouts that women *shouldn’t* know how to do

We do not speak negatively *about men* in our household

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to wipe his internet browsers of all history and wipe all the cookies from all your devices. Wipe his phone down to da Tory aw settings and rebuild. He has gone down the MRA rabbit hole and everything being fed to him online is going to confirm that worldview. This is dangerous. There is a very very thin like between MRA stuff and white supremacist content...if he already thinks men are the oppressed class, most MRA’s also think white men are under attack in America.

You have let him get really far with unmonitored Internet. Dial it back in HARD. Heavy filtering. Get him to read things with you...like audiobooks in the car. Start with Moxie by Jennifer Matthieu. Also try Maybe He Just likes You by Barbara Dee. He basically needs re-immersion in reality to reprogram him.

I would live to do this, but I need to figure out how to do this without completely triggering him and sending him into complete rebellion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do for him, stop. He wants equality? Then he can cook his own meals. Like many 14 year old girls are forced to do.

+1. Can also do his own laundry. If he wants equality give it to him.

Interesting that you both assume OP is doing his laundry.

Anyway, don't do this OP. This will likely get you the exact opposite of what you want.

"Whatever you do for him, stop. He wants equality? Then he can cook his own meals. Like many 14 year old girls are forced to do"

Where did I say he didn't do his own laundry? Expecting a teen to take some household responsibility will make them misogynistic?

[Anonymous]

I had a nephew who was like this at around 13/14. I think it stemmed from puberty hormones and feeling "rejection" from girls.nnn Z

[Anonymous]

How about you consider his viewpoint that he doesn't want girls in Boy Scouts? Maybe it all stems from this. Boys act differently when there are girls around. The dynamics change. If he is gay then maybe he doesn't want the boys
in his troop to start talking about and flirting with girls. It was his safe place and now it is changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for all the replies so far. It’s very helpful and gives me a lot to think about.

Just to clarify a few things - I do monitor his online activity, which is where I learned of his viewpoints. He doesn’t express these views to us at all, so I’m not sure this could simply be younger brother rebellion. He has a great relationship with his sisters. He and I have always had a great relationship too. He’s just not the type of kid who tends to open up about these things in person. He has always been incredibly respectful to me.

His dad is not like this at all. We have always shared household responsibilities. DS actually likes cooking and cleaning more than his sisters do. They have all done their own laundry since age 11, and they don’t mind this at all.

He is involved in Boy Scouts and some of it started there, with the idea of letting girls in. This is the one issue he did discuss with us. He said he didn’t like the idea because Boy Scouts is teaching them to be men. I asked him what he has learned through scouts that women should know how to do. He had no answer. I didn’t attack him, and he didn’t seem upset. But maybe I didn’t respond correctly and it triggered something. I think Scouts in general is contributing to this, but I don’t think that’s his main source. He’s not really tight with those guys and I don’t think they have much influence over him.

We do NOT speak negatively in our household at all. I have always been very sensitive to that.

He has always had friends who are girls.

I just don’t know what to do about this without making it worse...

NP. He's right about that, and I wonder why you refuse to see it. What do boys learn that girls cannot learn? How to be men.

How much time does he spend with his dad rather than with the family or with you?