How Involved Are Men in Wedding Planning?

[Anonymous]

DH would offer an opinion if I asked him explicitly about two options: do you like the white napkins or blue napkins? But he always waited to be asked, he didn't have strong opinions on any of it. He basically felt that the wedding was my show, he'd offer help or opinions where I wanted them, but would otherwise just stay out of the way and let me do my thing.

Bridesmaids are generally considered to be for the bride. I don't know of any groom who would express any sort of opinion on the bridesmaid dresses.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal. Mine jokingly said "Just tell me when and where to show up" but then he cared about a LOT more. He cared about food intensely and about the music. He cared that our guests were comfortable. Didn't care about colors beyond "not too much pink or shades of it".

[Anonymous]

We picked the date together. He never saw the reception venue or church until after I picked them (a church not in our town with family history). He asked me to involve him in menu and music planning. I wish I’d had him do more music because I’m clueless with that. We choose the songs we walked into. He also said he’d weigh in on anything else I needed help with but, he didn’t enjoy planning so was happy to leave as much to me as I wanted. I think he helped me come up with the guest list but it’s possible he just reviewed it after I did it.

[Anonymous]

Just wait til you see how involved husbands can be with housework and children. Plan the party you want and enjoy it before real life sets in!!

[Anonymous]

Why is it normal for men not be that involved? Also, what are the things in life that men actually like to be involved in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait til you see how involved husbands can be with housework and children. Plan the party you want and enjoy it before real life sets in!!

There are plenty of men who are involved husbands and fathers. I'm tired of people saying this about men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wait til you see how involved husbands can be with housework and children. Plan the party you want and enjoy it before real life sets in!!

There are plenty of men who are involved husbands and fathers. I'm tired of people saying this about men.

People say it because sadly it's overwhelmingly true. Even when dads are "involved" ( whatever does that mean they're their kids that shouldn't need to be stated), but even when involved it's typically mom who is captan of all things kids. Maybe there will be a huge shift towards equality when the majority of Gen Z are parents, but for now in homes with a mom and dad, it's usually mom that's default for all things kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it normal for men not be that involved? Also, what are the things in life that men actually like to be involved in?

I don't know, but I sure as heck don't care about anything that OP listed and I'm a woman. Do people really and truly care about this stuff or do they care in the sense it's what's packaged to them by their wedding coordinator?

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal OP. It's also normal for lots of women not to care about some of that stuff too (color schemes, invites, decor, etc...)

My husband and I sat down and talked about what we each cared about the most. Some things that were really important to him were less so to me - so he took the lead on those (open bar, DJ), and vice versa - I took the lead on photographer and decor. We both cared a lot about the venue and related big logistics so we did those together.

Neither of us cared significantly about color schemes and such so we didn't spend significant money or energy there.

Our approach worked pretty well for us - we were happy w/ the things we cared about, happy that we shared the work, and happy that we didn't spend money on things that seem even less important to us now (fancy invites or matching bridesmaid dresses...)

[Anonymous]

My husband picked the alcohol, band, first song we danced to, picked and bought his tux, planned honeymoon, wedding rings for both of us. He attended the food tasting but left it up to me to decide. I did everything else, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband picked the alcohol, band, first song we danced to, picked and bought his tux, planned honeymoon, wedding rings for both of us. He attended the food tasting but left it up to me to decide. I did everything else, I think.

And we visited maybe 5 venues. I think he deferred to me on which one, but liked the same one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it normal for men not be that involved?

Well duh, the wedding is ALL ABOUT THE BRIDE, he is just an accessory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wait til you see how involved husbands can be with housework and children. Plan the party you want and enjoy it before real life sets in!!

There are plenty of men who are involved husbands and fathers. I'm tired of people saying this about men.

People say it because sadly it's overwhelmingly true. Even when dads are "involved" ( whatever does that mean they're their kids that shouldn't need to be stated), but even when involved it's typically mom who is captan of all things kids. Maybe there will be a huge shift towards equality when the majority of Gen Z are parents, but for now in homes with a mom and dad, it's usually mom that's default for all things kid.

Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a musician and had performed at a ton of weddings before we got engaged.

He had an opinion on EVERYTHING, including how to match the china, flatware and glassware.

Married 32 years now.

[Anonymous]

Straight men, no. Gay men, very much so.