How did you grow up and live with a unstable, insecure, mean sibling?
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Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
You sound like my brother, who I posted about and love. He turns others' feelings into attacks and can't imagine that their hurt feelings are genuine. Any attempt at self protection is seen as weakness and s character flaw. |
Anonymous
-3 |
Anonymous
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I no longer speak to my sister who is four years older. She was like the older brother in the show "Wonder Years." She teased me nonstop. It wasn't teasing to me, but bullying. The nicest gesture from her was letting me leave my math book in her locker so I wouldn't be late to class, when I was a freshman and she a senior in high school.
We are in our 50s now. When our mother died, she told me the nurses at the hospital didn't know she had a sister because I wasn't there. She would hang up on me when I called my mother's room to talk to her. I told her the hospital would have a record of how often I called and how often I was there. I realized that my sister just never liked me as a person. I have accepted that she probably hated me. Sometimes when we made plans, like to meet to see a movie, she was always late by more than 15 minutes. The last time I made plans with her was to meet to see the movie "The Mummy" in 1999. She really wanted to see the movie. I bought the tickets because she was running late. She never showed, and she had no reason, just late. The lateness was really a problem before we had cell phones. |
Anonymous
Who is asking anyone to take sides? Is it difficult to believe that people are estranged from family? I tried to set simple boundaries with my sister. She would not respect my boundaries. I had no choice after my parents died but to go no contact with her. |
Anonymous
DP. My brother used to say stuff like this. He broke the wire in half on my top braces once. |
Anonymous
I’m not the poster you’re addressing, but I was a +1. And I’m estranged from my sister. It’s natural when you read any post that’s subjective that you’re evaluating that poster’s perspective. Especially in a family issue/conflict since there are so many perspective and sides (my own personal situation included). Some of the posters on here do seem like they’re contributing to the dysfunction with their sibling. I think that’s what the poster meant that you’re responding to. |
Anonymous
| It is very hard to convey in a post what decades of verbal and emotional abuse looks like which is why I think some people are judging. There are only a few people who have gotten close enough to my sister to truly see the dark side-her ex husband, my brother and I, my parents (who go into denial when estrangements are over and she would be back in their life, they themselves had their own issues). Those who work under her have complained, but she is powerful enough to destroy their careers and she has. Most of what people vent about is small, because it would take a novel and a lot pain to share the true storm. |
Anonymous
Grow up. Why would you be asked to choose a side. Go away troll. |
Anonymous
LOL you're not very endearing. Don't tell me -- you're estranged from a sibling, and it's all their fault. |
Anonymous
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My sister, like many of the individuals described above, has some sort of personality disorder. She has a lot of trouble maintaining stable relationships or jobs. For example, she's blown up long-time friendships over bizarre issues (when she was married, two of her friends went on a date and she exploded -- disavowed them both, etc. it was crazy... she obviously jealous, but she was married at the time. I mean, you can't do that!). My parents pitted us against each other a lot as kids, made us both feel like I could never have anything that she also didn't have, and enabled her bad behavior by infantilizing her and maintaining co-dependent relationships. She consistently let me down and could never show any empathy toward me. I was sexually assaulted and she told me it was my fault and years after, would make rape jokes when I would see her.
I got to a point where I knew that I could never trust her or rely on her, but I still tried to have a relationship. What finally did it was that she demanded insane things when I was planning my wedding (after my husband and I got engaged, we planned for our moms to meet for the first time and she demanded to join the meeting...even though none of my husband's siblings were joining and she lived in a different state), told my parents crazy lies, and invited a lot of triangulation that my crazy parents were so happy to partake in. About seven months before the wedding she started texting me that she wasn't coming and then would randomly change her mind and say she was... and then would change her mind back (the texts about how she wasn't coming were motivated by issues happening in her life... something bad would happen and she would text me "I can't come to your wedding" with no explanation). Despite all of this, I tried reaching out to her multiple times to reset and just ask that she be happy for me. She would write back really hateful stuff. Finally, I blocked her on my phone. I just couldn't take all of the abuse. Two weeks before the wedding I told my mom that my sister had to decide if she was going to come (at that point we weren't speaking) and that I didn't want to not know if my sister was coming to my wedding on my wedding day (also, the wedding was being held in a state that my sister would have to fly to -- she obviously needed to have some idea of whether she wanted to attend two weeks beforehand). My mom nonchalantly said she didn't want to attend and she didn't. I haven't spoken with her since. I got married, had three kids, moved, bought a house, and changed jobs twice. I miss the idea of having a sister, but I don't miss her crazy, abusive, emotionally draining behavior. I feel bad for her and I hope that she is doing well as I do really want the best for her. I pray that she can find peace and happiness, but I know that I cannot be a part of her life until she is able to take accountability for her actions. And so be it if that never happens. I spent far too much of my life accepting her abuse because I felt like that was my duty as my sister - that I owed her everything and she owed me nothing. Our relationship has not impacted my relationship with my children in a discernible way. I was initially scared that somehow I'd recreate the screwed up scenario my parents did, because it was what I knew. But that hasn't and won't happen. I'm way too self-aware and I know how damaging that dynamic can be from my own experience (why would you ever do that to your kids?). My husband and I have created a stable, functional, loving home for our children -- unlike my own parents. Breaking the cycle like that is the best that I can do to address the situation with my sister -- to make sure that this dysfunctional behavior does not continue in my family. |
Anonymous
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My sibling is super nasty and has a severe personality disorder, bouts of psychosis, and is an alcoholic drug user.
Like many of you, my parents (mother) always was and still is an enabler and defender. Both my sister and I do not speak to my brother. I have him blocked on all accounts. My DH does as well. I don't want any contact. I employ the grey rock method with my mom. Her enabling makes my stomach churn Holidays are me, my sister, her family and my soon to be ex SIL and my nephew. My mom and my brother can have each other. |
Anonymous
I was the +2. If you said “brother” instead of “sister”, I would’ve thought we were the same person. +1 to you |
Anonymous
No, it isn’t. I have an uncle who everyone has disowned including his own 5 kids plus 3 former wives, and 5 other siblings. He is evil and manipulative to the core, and was enabled by the matriarch. He didn’t even go to his parent’s funeral, like because by then he stole most of their properties and a decent amount of their money. He tried begging my father to attend his 4th wedding, my father declined. By then he’d tried to mediate all sorts of evictions, gun incidents, and abused wife things over 40 years. And who knows what childhood krap. If someone is trouble you admit it, not “feel bad about starting facts.” Grow up Op, and if you are in the autism spectrum and can’t tell good people from bar people, pls get help. |
Anonymous
| PP |