Did my mom overstep with DS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would be fine without her “babysitting”. We have a nanny who we can use for “babysitting”. This was grandma prompted, we didn’t ask for it.

Then the only route is to have your child in the same room as your mom next time and state clearly what the rules are for the day. If there’s a punishment in place when your mom is expected to watch your child, she should know this ahead of time before she arrives and can either accept it and be willing to enforce or decline and you have to be willing to accept that.

[Anonymous]

Let grandma watch him however she wants to (with electronics) or don't let her watch him.

If you agree that grandma can watch him, tell your kid the judge (you) has decided that he's getting a stay of his punishment until the next day.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel like rules like this should apply at grandma's and that you'll come off ridiculous getting bent about it. If DH is really grounded then he can't see grandma.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents don't have to follow your rules. It's a time to bond with grandchildren, they are not there to discipline. "Grounding" is lifted during grandparent's time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would be fine without her “babysitting”. We have a nanny who we can use for “babysitting”. This was grandma prompted, we didn’t ask for it.

Then you say "Sorry, mom, I know you were looking forward to time with Larlo but he is being punished so we will have to do it at another time." Or, you do what I would do and tell your kid you aren't going to make Grandma enforce a punishment, but it will pick back up when she leaves.

[Anonymous]

My FIL bought my kids soda and we don’t do soda. Nothing bad happened. Let it go. How long was he even on? Probably not that long anyway.

Wish I had a day alone with my husband !

[Anonymous]

I would tell my mother she couldn't spend one on one time with my kid if she couldn't follow my rules. Yes, it's nice of her to watch the kid, but not if she undermines my parenting in the process. And spending time with her grandkid is a gift to her, as well.

[Anonymous]

Say thank you for the free childcare and discipline your kids on your own time. If the discipline issue is that serious, postpone or cancel your plans and stay with your kid to enforce the consequences.

Wow, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel like rules like this should apply at grandma's and that you'll come off ridiculous getting bent about it. If DH is really grounded then he can't see grandma.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my mother she couldn't spend one on one time with my kid if she couldn't follow my rules. Yes, it's nice of her to watch the kid, but not if she undermines my parenting in the process. And spending time with her grandkid is a gift to her, as well.

It's the bolded. Healthy people don't undermine their children, or come in between the most important person in a child's life -- the parent -- and a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel like rules like this should apply at grandma's and that you'll come off ridiculous getting bent about it. If DH is really grounded then he can't see grandma.

LOL

I actually agree with this. This isn't a safety thing -- we're not talking about allergies or not using car seats or something. It doesn't sound like she let him play all day or anything. And if he's grounded, he can't go to grandma's. It's not fair to make her enforce your punishments and then hold her to the same standard.

And you do come off as ridiculous getting bent about it. It's really not that big of a deal. Just tell your kid that he knew he wasn't supposed to play at grandma's, and since he did, you're adding a day to his no-screen punishment. It's your job to raise your kid, not to raise your mom.

[Anonymous]

As someone whose mother would do similar things, it’s not worth saying anything. Just know it’s going to happen, and expect to be undermined if given a chance. Then decide if you want to leave your child alone with her. Maybe it’s worth it, or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know if she’s like my mom and itching to break your rules and assume her own version of control, or if she’s simply coming on a little too strong with the idea that rules don’t apply around grandma. But stop expecting her to enforce your rules. That might mean she can’t babysit while he’s being punished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would be fine without her “babysitting”. We have a nanny who we can use for “babysitting”. This was grandma prompted, we didn’t ask for it.

She doesn't get to watch him for a while. Not meant as a punishment.

[Anonymous]

What if this wasn’t grandma? What if your son lost screens that day and then was invited to a friends house to play, would you tell that mom “he can come over, but no screens allowed because of his consequence”? No, of course not. You shouldn’t have your mom enforce your consequences either. Since this isn’t a safety thing, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents don't have to follow your rules. It's a time to bond with grandchildren, they are not there to discipline. "Grounding" is lifted during grandparent's time.

You can’t have it both ways — either Grandparents are an extension of the nuclear family and can follow the rules and see the children whenever they want or they are there to spoil the kids, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to schedule a grandparent visit when the kid is grounded. Which is it?