Do you think parents generally have a favorite kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and it’s not always a benefit to the chosen one.

Right? Always worried about keeping everything perfect, being in charge of siblings, not partying, being responsible...

[Anonymous]

A favorite? No. I do think most parents "click" better or more easily with different children. I would not call that a "favorite" though. In my family, my mom and brother always clicked well, and my dad and I always clicked well, while mom and I, and dad and brother, butted heads a bit more, particularly in high school. But I would never say anyone had a favorite. More like, a bit easier of a time? That seems totally normal and not worth fretting about.

Favoritism - where you're treating one or more kids better - is a big problem, and way less common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A favorite? No. I do think most parents "click" better or more easily with different children. I would not call that a "favorite" though. In my family, my mom and brother always clicked well, and my dad and I always clicked well, while mom and I, and dad and brother, butted heads a bit more, particularly in high school. But I would never say anyone had a favorite. More like, a bit easier of a time? That seems totally normal and not worth fretting about.

Favoritism - where you're treating one or more kids better - is a big problem, and way less common.

I also think, if you're sitting there thinking - "hmm, I don't know which of the kids my mom clicked best with" the answer is you.

[Anonymous]

I think we all do for many different reasons but we do a good job in hiding it or not even thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

The kids take turns being the favorite.

[Anonymous]

My dad did a good job being even handed. My mom clearly favored me over my brother, who was very challenging.

I find DS2 so much easier than his older brother and just an overall delight. But I work hard to not show overt favoritism.

[Anonymous]

I have just one and not favorite kid. A good child but a truly difficult one. So kind of glad we are stopping with one as if I had another Im almost 100% sure that one would be favorite

[Anonymous]

I do. The one who is the favorite knows they are the favorite, but the others don't know.

[Anonymous]

I’m the youngest of four and definitely my mom’s favorite. There were many, many factors that went into my decision to have an only child, but I’d be lying if I said kids competing for time and attention wasn’t one of them.

[Anonymous]

The more compliant the child, the easier it is to have a perceived favorite.

My oldest child breaks EVERY rule. He tests every boundary, and has to learn the hard way. It makes life difficult for all of us. But I love him fiercely. I wish he would make better choices, his life would be so much easier if he did.

[Anonymous]

I have phases of liking one child better than other. Right now I am loving my 6y old and my 10y is getting on my nerves constantly. She is at "that" age when everything is reason to argue and push back. Social distancing is making things worse. I dread the teen years to come....

[Anonymous]

I think it's really unhealthy to have a favorite kid. Sister and I were raised very equally and equally loved. I do think I connected easier with my Dad and my sister connected easier to my mom during childhood but that I have a good relationship with both parents, their new spouses and my sister at this point.

I only have 1 child but I would clamp down hard on any favoritism if I had more than 1.

[Anonymous]

My parents had a clear favorite- my younger sister. From the time she was born, it was all about her. She was so adorable that strangers would stop and tell us what a beautiful baby she was. She was also gregarious and social. I wasn't ugly and was generally thought attractive but I don't remember them ever saying I looked nice. I tried SO hard to be liked. They also clearly thought she was a genius (except I'm the one who made National Merit and got into good colleges). Fast forward to our 30s, my sister is an obese drug addict who has cut my parents out of her life. They fought with her from age 12 onwards. My parents' marriage barely survived. I have a lovely life with lovely grandchildren and husband who helps my parents constantly. When my kids were babies, my parents used to talk about how they did things like my sister or how they were so cute like my sister and that sent me into counseling again. I honestly think my parents don't remember my first words or things I did as a baby. There aren't any stories of me.

It came out in counseling that I really just wanted someone to tell me I was the favorite (not that this is right either). My parents still won't say I'm the favorite (even after they haven't seen my sister for years and she cusses them out) and it stings. I spent a long time trying to please my parents and to make a life they wanted me to have. I'm still bitter but have come to a lot of peace with it all. Spent lots of money on parenting children books and classes- Siblings without Rivalry is a good book.

With my own kids it's been easier to love them equally since they are opposite sexes and very different. I don't think I love either one more than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more compliant the child, the easier it is to have a perceived favorite.

My oldest child breaks EVERY rule. He tests every boundary, and has to learn the hard way. It makes life difficult for all of us. But I love him fiercely. I wish he would make better choices, his life would be so much easier if he did.

I don't think compliant children are always the favorite. I think it's the attractive child (more looks in girls and athleticism in boys).

[Anonymous]

I don't have a favorite but I do have one I just get along with better. I think that the other might feel like I have a favorite but I love them both equally and powerfully. But I mean, its a fact of life that different personalities mesh or have more trouble.

I try to mentally frame it as a situation where I will have to work harder at having a relationship with one child but that doesn't mean I love them less, and in the end, we will earn our closeness.