Do you think parents generally have a favorite kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more compliant the child, the easier it is to have a perceived favorite.

My oldest child breaks EVERY rule. He tests every boundary, and has to learn the hard way. It makes life difficult for all of us. But I love him fiercely. I wish he would make better choices, his life would be so much easier if he did.

I don't think compliant children are always the favorite. I think it's the attractive child (more looks in girls and athleticism in boys).

In our family it was smart, straight A's. It is different in every family.

[Anonymous]

Adult here. I always think of it as our parents loved us both equally, but they liked my brother more. He was more pleasant, more easygoing and just generally a better disposition than me. They enjoyed spending time with him and his friends, both when they'd come hang out at our house in high school or if he brought home friends in college or early 20s. I was much more standoffish and we didn't have that kind of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Good parents don't. It's a hallmark sign of a dysfunctional family.

[Anonymous]

I have two young children. Under the age of 3, I love them both and I don’t have a favorite, but there are days I have a stronger connection with one vs the other. But again they are still super young and I know that I speak from inexperience.

However, I grew up with 2 other siblings , we all joke the youngest sister is the favorite but we know our parents loved us all the same and equally.

My husband on the other hand, his family clearly has a favorite child and it’s not him. It’s so painful to see it and how much it hurts him. His sister has always been the favorite, I don’t know if it’s because she was more organized than my husband or if it’s because his sister was from the marriage (My husband was from a previous marriage). But there is so much hurt and pain there.

To the PP who said it’s a hallmark of a dysfunctional family, you hit the nail on the head in this situation.

[Anonymous]

My favorite child changes daily.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It changes to whichever one Is the most pleasant to be around at whatever time. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more compliant the child, the easier it is to have a perceived favorite.

My oldest child breaks EVERY rule. He tests every boundary, and has to learn the hard way. It makes life difficult for all of us. But I love him fiercely. I wish he would make better choices, his life would be so much easier if he did.

I don't think compliant children are always the favorite. I think it's the attractive child (more looks in girls and athleticism in boys).

In our family it was smart, straight A's. It is different in every family.

I think birth order can play a role too. Parents may tend to favor the kid with the same birth order as them.

[Anonymous]

I am much more connected to one of my children than the other, even though that child is by far the more difficult one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more compliant the child, the easier it is to have a perceived favorite.

My oldest child breaks EVERY rule. He tests every boundary, and has to learn the hard way. It makes life difficult for all of us. But I love him fiercely. I wish he would make better choices, his life would be so much easier if he did.

I don't think compliant children are always the favorite. I think it's the attractive child (more looks in girls and athleticism in boys).

In our family it was smart, straight A's. It is different in every family.

I think birth order can play a role too. Parents may tend to favor the kid with the same birth order as them.

In our situation, no.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Mine is our dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids and I don’t have a favorite. Sometimes one of them is easier than the other, but then it changes.

Like this for me too.

Me too. Sometimes one is just easier for a spell.

[Anonymous]

I have one that is definitely easier - pleasant, easygoing, responsible, does his chores without arguing, etc. The other one - while he can be difficult at times - is engaging, expressive, a real people person, very emotional. Neither one is my favorite. I love them in different ways, but I sincerely enjoy both of them and love them dearly.

[Anonymous]

I think it would help to define what a "favorite" is. If it really means that a parent would answer the question with, "Child B is my favorite," then I have to agree with one of the other PPs here that this fits my definition of a Bad Parent. I agree with others that some children are more easygoing, listen better, or have some other positive personality traits. For my parents that kid was definitely my younger brother - I think they probably preferred and still prefer to spend time with him. Who wouldn't want to have a more stress free afternoon? But I would be really upset if they said he was "their favorite." I have a similar situation. My younger son is really easygoing, does a good job listening, and he's also really legitimately funny with little effort. My older son is high tension, high energy, likes to argue and is not good at peaceful coexistence in general. But I love them both equally (which means as much as I have inside of me) and if asked to choose between them I have no idea how I would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would help to define what a "favorite" is. If it really means that a parent would answer the question with, "Child B is my favorite," then I have to agree with one of the other PPs here that this fits my definition of a Bad Parent. I agree with others that some children are more easygoing, listen better, or have some other positive personality traits. For my parents that kid was definitely my younger brother - I think they probably preferred and still prefer to spend time with him. Who wouldn't want to have a more stress free afternoon? But I would be really upset if they said he was "their favorite." I have a similar situation. My younger son is really easygoing, does a good job listening, and he's also really legitimately funny with little effort. My older son is high tension, high energy, likes to argue and is not good at peaceful coexistence in general. But I love them both equally (which means as much as I have inside of me) and if asked to choose between them I have no idea how I would do that.

PP again. I also want to add that as a father, I live under the (potentially false) impression that a mother's love is usually a bit more unconditional, or a bit stronger, or has some additional quality that mine never would. Which makes me just feel all the worse for the kids of the other posters who said things like, "I think we all do for many different reasons but we do a good job in hiding it or not even thinking about it," who presumably are mothers that birthed these children. It's soul crushing for me to hear that sentiment from someone that we hopes loves us truly unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it varies. The easiest kid is my favorite. It has bounced around a bunch over the years. I imagine by adulthood, I'll probably enjoy them the same.