Dating wealthier women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

As a man, I highly doubt it. But first, top 1% is not nearly enough to qualify as "marrying well" when you're talking about the parents. I'm in the top 1% and I don't have enough money to substantially improve my kids' lives. A car at 16, college, MAYBE $100k help to a downpayment. So I think you first need to change the definition of what it really means to "marry well." Second, the few guys I know who married wealthy women really wish they could delete the wealthy part. They fell in love with who they fell in love with, but in all three cases I know, the man feels like the woman's family constantly imposes on their life. Part of it is because these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business and are used to being in charge of everything. Another part is that the money is so substantial and the wife's father considers it to be such an important aspect of "family" that it starts dominating most life decisions. All three of my friends basically feel like they are playing second fiddle to a FIL boss. Men seek out women who are hot and have other good characteristics (in all three of these cases, the women possessed those attributes). I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.

Ummm...do you not see how much of a leg up you are giving your kid? Car, college with no debt and $100,000. What kind of weird planet do you live on that you don’t see how huge that is.

I think he means "substantially improve" from his own life. Meaning this may have been the help he received as well. Noted that yes, debt-free college, car, home down payment are enormous legs up that most people do not receive.

PP here, I don't see how that's relevant to the thread. Perhaps the first PP didn't read the thread title. It was about "marrying well" in terms of family wealth. What I was talking about is what I can provide my child, not my child's spouse or their family. Paying for my child's college and buying them a car at 16 does very little to benefit their future spouse when they are 30 years old and finally decide to marry, much less their future children a few years later than that. My point was that the most the spouse will benefit from "marrying well" is $100k help with a downpayment. I don't think you'd see anyone claiming they "married well" or "married into money" if it consisted of one 100k check one time. If that's called marrying into wealth, then you must be starting from a position of destitution. My intent saying all of this and my previous post is simply that at this level, I don't believe money affects almost ANYONE'S marriage desirability, and much much less so for a man, where again I believe more a wealthy woman can actually be a negative factor.

[Anonymous]

Why work for a lifetime what you can marry in a day?

[Anonymous]

I remarried at 58 to a woman I dated long term back in college.
We always got along well and it was very comfortable for both of us to reunite.
When we started dating I had a net worth of about $2MM, hers was a little over $3MM. We seemed to be well matched.
What I didn’t know at the time was that she had invested heavily in her employers privately held company. She had already retired and, one day, they offered to buy back “as much stock as you care to sell us”. She told me about the offer and asked for my advice. I asked what’s it worth, she replied $6MM. I was shocked. Against my advice, she sold back about $300k. I had suggested selling 1/2 of it and letting the other 1/2 ride.
About 2 years later she received a letter saying the company was exercising their buy-sell option and she had to sell it all back. Her shares were now worth $15MM. So I guess I married well.

[Anonymous]

I’m 62 and have made up my mind that if the woman doesn’t have access to a private jet why bother marrying her. I can easily afford to fly first class between my winter and summer homes so unless a real upgrade is on the horizon why bother getting married again.

[Anonymous]

When you marry for money, you earn every penny.

[Anonymous]

I think this dynamic, of a son in law feeling like his in laws expect him to play second fiddle or defer to the wealthy FIL, resembles how many women feel when they marry into families with opinionated, strong matriarchs. It's not good and the way out rests with the enforcement of boundaries (as kindly as possible) and the spouse siding with the husband, not the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am well within the 1%. I don’t mention money to the men I date. For those in the same general industry, they have a good idea of what I make from my job position. For others, they eventually can figure it out from where I live, the second home, DCs in private and vacations. Though they make think some of it comes from my Ex.

Are you ok with dating guys who make a lot less, or do you find that on some level you don’t respect them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am well within the 1%. I don’t mention money to the men I date. For those in the same general industry, they have a good idea of what I make from my job position. For others, they eventually can figure it out from where I live, the second home, DCs in private and vacations. Though they make think some of it comes from my Ex.

Are you ok with dating guys who make a lot less, or do you find that on some level you don’t respect them?

I tend to date Alpha males and if they fit that bill and are smart and self-reliant then how much they earn doesn’t really matter. My first DH made peanuts when I married him and then subsequently started his own business that took off. I have dated a Firefighter, a basketball coach, entrepreneurs with little income stream, semi retired consultants and would be open to others.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I met at 19 / in college. He was on loans and scholarships and my parents paid for my college. I went on to get a masters (mostly scholarships and I worked for a professor) and he got a PhD (and a TA job). Our jobs now are fine - we make combined about $200k and have two kids. My million dollar stock portfolio and the annual gift from my parents of the max they are allowed to give are huge additions to our security and nest egg. We live without our means / off our salaries so the rest is there for future expenses. It has also allowed us to make some career / life choices we couldn’t have otherwise (twice I took 5 months unpaid maternity leave). I don’t think he uses me for the money (and I don’t expect it from my parents but appreciate when it comes) but it’s been helpful. There have also been challenges - my parents are used to their social circle and have never been as welcoming as I’d like to him or his family.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - that should say within our means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mostly date broke WOC immigrants, but one time I dated a white woman who had family assets. She had a great job, owned two homes, and her family had a Florida house (with pool) and a house in upstate NY (which was more of a summer place) and I am sure when her parents die she will have a $5 million inheritance. But the best thing about her? She had really big boobs, and she loved to have them played with.

motorboat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this dynamic, of a son in law feeling like his in laws expect him to play second fiddle or defer to the wealthy FIL, resembles how many women feel when they marry into families with opinionated, strong matriarchs. It's not good and the way out rests with the enforcement of boundaries (as kindly as possible) and the spouse siding with the husband, not the father.

My FIL is wealthy and he is very generous with all of his children and grandchildren. He never uses his generosity as a way to hold something over his SIL’s. Both he and my MIL are wonderful people and I know I lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Wealthier women are exposed to much more life experiences and run in the circles of men likewise

I believe, men would prefer to date someone who is alike

At least, my ex did

[Anonymous]

Soon after graduating from college I dated a woman from a very wealthy family. There is quiet wealth and then there is flashy wealth and they were definitely on the flashy side which was very obnoxious. I finally got to the point where I didn’t want to spend any time with them doing their flashy things. My GF wasn’t that way but family came first so we broke up. Being a SIL in that world would have been painful.

[Anonymous]

Wealthy women, or at least the one I know, don't really care how much money the men they date have as long as that guy has talents.

I came to the US ten years ago, barely knew the English language, and still is. Went to NOVA to study ESL one year and transferred to James Madison after that. Fortunately, my parents back home in Romania made me learn to play guitar and singing lessons at the age of five. After graduation, I dated so many beautiful and wealthy women because of my vocal and guitar skills. I ended up marrying one and her family is so wealthy that her parents bought us a brand new house worth 3M in Mclean with 80% down payment. My FIL is so well connected that he got me a very high paying job with one of his buddies. If you have a son, playing guitar and vocal lessons are highly recommended. That will go a long way with women, especially wealthy women.