Dating wealthier women

[Anonymous]

I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

[Anonymous]

Wealth is always welcome. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Sure but just be sure she won’t think less of you because you don’t earn what her father did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

As a man, I highly doubt it. But first, top 1% is not nearly enough to qualify as "marrying well" when you're talking about the parents. I'm in the top 1% and I don't have enough money to substantially improve my kids' lives. A car at 16, college, MAYBE $100k help to a downpayment. So I think you first need to change the definition of what it really means to "marry well." Second, the few guys I know who married wealthy women really wish they could delete the wealthy part. They fell in love with who they fell in love with, but in all three cases I know, the man feels like the woman's family constantly imposes on their life. Part of it is because these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business and are used to being in charge of everything. Another part is that the money is so substantial and the wife's father considers it to be such an important aspect of "family" that it starts dominating most life decisions. All three of my friends basically feel like they are playing second fiddle to a FIL boss. Men seek out women who are hot and have other good characteristics (in all three of these cases, the women possessed those attributes). I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

As a man, I highly doubt it. But first, top 1% is not nearly enough to qualify as "marrying well" when you're talking about the parents. I'm in the top 1% and I don't have enough money to substantially improve my kids' lives. A car at 16, college, MAYBE $100k help to a downpayment. So I think you first need to change the definition of what it really means to "marry well." Second, the few guys I know who married wealthy women really wish they could delete the wealthy part. They fell in love with who they fell in love with, but in all three cases I know, the man feels like the woman's family constantly imposes on their life. Part of it is because these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business and are used to being in charge of everything. Another part is that the money is so substantial and the wife's father considers it to be such an important aspect of "family" that it starts dominating most life decisions. All three of my friends basically feel like they are playing second fiddle to a FIL boss. Men seek out women who are hot and have other good characteristics (in all three of these cases, the women possessed those attributes). I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.

Sorry, I think I wrote that confusingly - the "these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business" refers to the FIL in all three cases

[Anonymous]

Her family's wealth is certainly a consideration but most guys aren't going to be focused on that and if they are smart the future FIL will set up trusts that are outside marital assets.

[Anonymous]

Most men I know care/cared about how much a woman made/earning potential. They weren't seeking a sugar mommy, they just wanted someone who could do the same sort of thing they could and still cover their own expenses, and they wanted (around) an equal earner.

A lot of men don't want someone who earns significantly less because it is stressful being the main breadwinner. Most people marry within their class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

As a man, I highly doubt it. But first, top 1% is not nearly enough to qualify as "marrying well" when you're talking about the parents. I'm in the top 1% and I don't have enough money to substantially improve my kids' lives. A car at 16, college, MAYBE $100k help to a downpayment. So I think you first need to change the definition of what it really means to "marry well." Second, the few guys I know who married wealthy women really wish they could delete the wealthy part. They fell in love with who they fell in love with, but in all three cases I know, the man feels like the woman's family constantly imposes on their life. Part of it is because these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business and are used to being in charge of everything. Another part is that the money is so substantial and the wife's father considers it to be such an important aspect of "family" that it starts dominating most life decisions. All three of my friends basically feel like they are playing second fiddle to a FIL boss. Men seek out women who are hot and have other good characteristics (in all three of these cases, the women possessed those attributes). I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.

Ummm...do you not see how much of a leg up you are giving your kid? Car, college with no debt and $100,000. What kind of weird planet do you live on that you don’t see how huge that is.

[Anonymous]

Wealthy men don't care about it. DH and I are from the same circles and we wouldn't have thought about our partner's income.

I'd have been fine marrying a teacher.

[Anonymous]

I would much prefer to marry a woman who had the potential to be wealthy on her own. That would indicate that she is smart and ambitious and if she was beautiful and great in bed I would have hit the mother load. FWIW - that's who I married.

[Anonymous]

“I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.”

They don’t feel like they can talk about it with other men likely I’m a high earning woman. It’s not unusual to meet lower earning guys who offer to be my stay at home husband. More common are higher earning guys who are looking to date someone who isn’t looking to be supported or be the stay at home spouse. These guys are already paying child support and sometimes alimony, or they’ve lost a chunk of assets in their divorce, so even if they can afford the payments they are not looking to repeat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wealthy men don't care about it. DH and I are from the same circles and we wouldn't have thought about our partner's income.

I'd have been fine marrying a teacher.

Heaven forbid.

[Anonymous]

I am well within the 1%. I don’t mention money to the men I date. For those in the same general industry, they have a good idea of what I make from my job position. For others, they eventually can figure it out from where I live, the second home, DCs in private and vacations. Though they make think some of it comes from my Ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was recently talking to someone and they described a male friend as marrying well because the woman was from a wealthy family. Both the husband and wife work upper middle class jobs, but the husband has student loans and the wife's parents are easily in the top 1%. I never thought of a woman's wealth as something taken into consideration in a relationship, maybe her education level but never her literal salary/wealth. Am I being naive? Do some men want to marry or date wealthier women, in a sort of gendered reversed gold digger scenario?

As a man, I highly doubt it. But first, top 1% is not nearly enough to qualify as "marrying well" when you're talking about the parents. I'm in the top 1% and I don't have enough money to substantially improve my kids' lives. A car at 16, college, MAYBE $100k help to a downpayment. So I think you first need to change the definition of what it really means to "marry well." Second, the few guys I know who married wealthy women really wish they could delete the wealthy part. They fell in love with who they fell in love with, but in all three cases I know, the man feels like the woman's family constantly imposes on their life. Part of it is because these guys have all either been a CEO or developed a family mega business and are used to being in charge of everything. Another part is that the money is so substantial and the wife's father considers it to be such an important aspect of "family" that it starts dominating most life decisions. All three of my friends basically feel like they are playing second fiddle to a FIL boss. Men seek out women who are hot and have other good characteristics (in all three of these cases, the women possessed those attributes). I have never in my life heard any of my male friends even one mention how much money their date/girlfriend/wife makes as a positive attribute.

Ummm...do you not see how much of a leg up you are giving your kid? Car, college with no debt and $100,000. What kind of weird planet do you live on that you don’t see how huge that is.

I think he means "substantially improve" from his own life. Meaning this may have been the help he received as well. Noted that yes, debt-free college, car, home down payment are enormous legs up that most people do not receive.

[Anonymous]

I mostly date broke WOC immigrants, but one time I dated a white woman who had family assets. She had a great job, owned two homes, and her family had a Florida house (with pool) and a house in upstate NY (which was more of a summer place) and I am sure when her parents die she will have a $5 million inheritance. But the best thing about her? She had really big boobs, and she loved to have them played with.