Sisters and new clothes - what is fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

Yeah. Wth. Older sister sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

Yeah. Wth. Older sister sucks.

You don't have to tell her to get over it but you can demand she stops talking about it. And if she doesn't, then enough with the new clothes. She can fill in after younger sister has been shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way the older sister gets to set rules for what the younger “is allowed” to have or wear. The suggestion to give them each a budget and list of things needed is a good one, but you may want final approval on purchases as sometimes tweens and young teens can try to emulate the too sexy clothes seen on entertainers. I can understand the older sister not wanting to be “twins”, but would knock down the controlling/bullying type behavior as will only get worse if not checked.

They are "twins" as the older child picks out all the clothing and the younger one gets the the older sister's clothing so its hard to be different when the older one picked out the younger ones clothes. Stop with the cast offs and let the younger one get a full set of new clothing.

[Anonymous]

my 9 year old doesn't dress the exact way my 12 year old does. it would be one thing if they were 13/15, but the 9 year old is a little girl, shouldn't be that hard to get them trendy things that are age appropriate.

12 year old wants some individuality, not hard to understand, especially when they are together 24/7. and of course a younger wants to look like her, but you can assist by buying fun stuff that is different and age appropriate for both.
I have these ages, and yes they both have t-shirts and nike shorts, but not the same ones. I don't think they have one item the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my 9 year old doesn't dress the exact way my 12 year old does. it would be one thing if they were 13/15, but the 9 year old is a little girl, shouldn't be that hard to get them trendy things that are age appropriate.

12 year old wants some individuality, not hard to understand, especially when they are together 24/7. and of course a younger wants to look like her, but you can assist by buying fun stuff that is different and age appropriate for both.
I have these ages, and yes they both have t-shirts and nike shorts, but not the same ones. I don't think they have one item the same

I feel like all the responses are from the younger sisters. I see why she would want to look like big sis, but she's 9? a 12 yo dresses differently

[Anonymous]

OP here. Both wear “athleisure” almost all the time.

I don’t force DD2 to wear any handme downs. She gets to look through and select anything she wants and the rest I donate, no pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 9 year old doesn't dress the exact way my 12 year old does. it would be one thing if they were 13/15, but the 9 year old is a little girl, shouldn't be that hard to get them trendy things that are age appropriate.

12 year old wants some individuality, not hard to understand, especially when they are together 24/7. and of course a younger wants to look like her, but you can assist by buying fun stuff that is different and age appropriate for both.
I have these ages, and yes they both have t-shirts and nike shorts, but not the same ones. I don't think they have one item the same

I feel like all the responses are from the younger sisters. I see why she would want to look like big sis, but she's 9? a 12 yo dresses differently

I am the younger sister. I'd only get a few outfits when I was younger new and I'd only wear those and refuse my sisters as we didn't get along (a lot was due to my parents) and I was not going to wear her old clothing. Eventually they got me a few more outfits but she always got more, still does. (but, that's great for me as they still play favorites as she can get them now or they can go without).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

+1

Older sister doesn't get to call the shots on what younger sister wears. Or, what you as an adult decide to purchase with your own money. I was the older sister in this equation, btw.

OP here with a follow up question. Older DD will get dressed and then complain that younger DD “copied her” because they are both wearing black leggings and a T-shirt (not the same one.) Or running shorts and a tank top. My feeling is this is just how girls dress these days (I wish they’d wear more “real” clothes but not the hill I wish to die on.)

Is it reasonable for older DD to be upset about this? And if not, how do I say effective “get over it” while still being empathetic? She’s soooo testy lately.

Why do you need to be "empathetic?" Your older girl is being a spoiled brat and you're more concerned about coddling her and accommodating her sense of entitlement, than you are about being FAIR to your younger child.
What is wrong with you OP? Why do you hate your younger child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 9 year old doesn't dress the exact way my 12 year old does. it would be one thing if they were 13/15, but the 9 year old is a little girl, shouldn't be that hard to get them trendy things that are age appropriate.

12 year old wants some individuality, not hard to understand, especially when they are together 24/7. and of course a younger wants to look like her, but you can assist by buying fun stuff that is different and age appropriate for both.
I have these ages, and yes they both have t-shirts and nike shorts, but not the same ones. I don't think they have one item the same

I feel like all the responses are from the younger sisters. I see why she would want to look like big sis, but she's 9? a 12 yo dresses differently

I am the younger sister. I'd only get a few outfits when I was younger new and I'd only wear those and refuse my sisters as we didn't get along (a lot was due to my parents) and I was not going to wear her old clothing. Eventually they got me a few more outfits but she always got more, still does. (but, that's great for me as they still play favorites as she can get them now or they can go without).

I am the PP above. I am not trying to say the younger shouldn't get new clothes. I am saying that it shouldn't be that hard for them to be different. I do not make my younger DD wear anything handed down that she doesn't want to. Most of the time, she doesn't keep the items and I donate unless they are basics or fancy dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

+1

Older sister doesn't get to call the shots on what younger sister wears. Or, what you as an adult decide to purchase with your own money. I was the older sister in this equation, btw.

OP here with a follow up question. Older DD will get dressed and then complain that younger DD “copied her” because they are both wearing black leggings and a T-shirt (not the same one.) Or running shorts and a tank top. My feeling is this is just how girls dress these days (I wish they’d wear more “real” clothes but not the hill I wish to die on.)

Is it reasonable for older DD to be upset about this? And if not, how do I say effective “get over it” while still being empathetic? She’s soooo testy lately.

Why do you need to be "empathetic?" Your older girl is being a spoiled brat and you're more concerned about coddling her and accommodating her sense of entitlement, than you are about being FAIR to your younger child.
What is wrong with you OP? Why do you hate your younger child?

OP here. It’s quite the opposite. I am very close with younger DD and struggle in my relationship with older DD. She’s always accusing me of treating her unfairly. It breaks my heart - she was my first baby and we used to get along great. Now she’s always mad about something.

[Anonymous]

I am the older sis but never had any say in what little sis wore. OP tell older sis to get over it. She's not in charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 9 year old doesn't dress the exact way my 12 year old does. it would be one thing if they were 13/15, but the 9 year old is a little girl, shouldn't be that hard to get them trendy things that are age appropriate.

12 year old wants some individuality, not hard to understand, especially when they are together 24/7. and of course a younger wants to look like her, but you can assist by buying fun stuff that is different and age appropriate for both.
I have these ages, and yes they both have t-shirts and nike shorts, but not the same ones. I don't think they have one item the same

I feel like all the responses are from the younger sisters. I see why she would want to look like big sis, but she's 9? a 12 yo dresses differently

I am the younger sister. I'd only get a few outfits when I was younger new and I'd only wear those and refuse my sisters as we didn't get along (a lot was due to my parents) and I was not going to wear her old clothing. Eventually they got me a few more outfits but she always got more, still does. (but, that's great for me as they still play favorites as she can get them now or they can go without).

I am the PP above. I am not trying to say the younger shouldn't get new clothes. I am saying that it shouldn't be that hard for them to be different. I do not make my younger DD wear anything handed down that she doesn't want to. Most of the time, she doesn't keep the items and I donate unless they are basics or fancy dresses.

You need to buy them each the exact amount of clothing or make it equal and take the girls shopping on different days. The younger one is dressing in the older ones clothing so of course she is "copying" as that is what she has to wear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

+1

Older sister doesn't get to call the shots on what younger sister wears. Or, what you as an adult decide to purchase with your own money. I was the older sister in this equation, btw.

OP here with a follow up question. Older DD will get dressed and then complain that younger DD “copied her” because they are both wearing black leggings and a T-shirt (not the same one.) Or running shorts and a tank top. My feeling is this is just how girls dress these days (I wish they’d wear more “real” clothes but not the hill I wish to die on.)

Is it reasonable for older DD to be upset about this? And if not, how do I say effective “get over it” while still being empathetic? She’s soooo testy lately.

Why do you need to be "empathetic?" Your older girl is being a spoiled brat and you're more concerned about coddling her and accommodating her sense of entitlement, than you are about being FAIR to your younger child.
What is wrong with you OP? Why do you hate your younger child?

OP here. It’s quite the opposite. I am very close with younger DD and struggle in my relationship with older DD. She’s always accusing me of treating her unfairly. It breaks my heart - she was my first baby and we used to get along great. Now she’s always mad about something.

You need to spend time with each girl alone and make sure to make things exactly equal. She's picking on the younger one for your attention and more going on. Some of it may be age, but at this age kids need you far more than they will admit or you realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

This. Life lesson. Wait till she starts claiming baby names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's fair for your older daughter to get all new clothes AND forbid her sister from choosing whatever she wants among the few new clothes she gets. Tell older DD she's being ridiculous--no one can "claim" flip flops or solid colored running shorts.

+1

Older sister doesn't get to call the shots on what younger sister wears. Or, what you as an adult decide to purchase with your own money. I was the older sister in this equation, btw.

OP here with a follow up question. Older DD will get dressed and then complain that younger DD “copied her” because they are both wearing black leggings and a T-shirt (not the same one.) Or running shorts and a tank top. My feeling is this is just how girls dress these days (I wish they’d wear more “real” clothes but not the hill I wish to die on.)

Is it reasonable for older DD to be upset about this? And if not, how do I say effective “get over it” while still being empathetic? She’s soooo testy lately.

No, it’s not reasonable. If she met up with 5 friends, 3 of them would be dressed alike. Have you seen the video of the young lady in the mall who looks around and sees all of the other young ladies dressed in a jean jacket, white tee, and leggings?

The idea that SHE can go change is the best one. She should not have any input as to what her little sister can buy.