Men, how would you feel about this?

[Anonymous]

Did the meeting already happen? Could they meet at a restaurant instead? Have they known each other long enough to have discussed the parent's home? Is this some sort of test of character?

[Anonymous]

Dirty is more of an issue than poor. Dirty and rich is a turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't care about plates or drinking from a cup. I would have a hard time understanding why the place is so dirty.

+1. Being poor is not a character flaw

For men it is...for women it is not

It's not a character flaw for anyone.

However, my husband's rich buddies from his fancy university would have continued to date her, but eliminated her as marriage material. They all married girls they knew at their boarding school, their parents' friends daughters, etc. None of them married outside their family's financial/social class, though they dated all sorts of women in the interim.

I've been trying to explain this to my single friend for the better part of a decade (we're almost 40). She's from a perfectly financially stable but working class family and has been looking for a wealthy guy in NYC for many years. She has lots of relationships but none have progressed, not even to cohabitation. I keep explaining to her these guys rarely marry outside of their circle but she doesn't believe me, even though it's been a good 8 years of her trying and not succeeding. She is very beautiful, has a decent career, and thinks that will be enough.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? And how old is this woman?

She’s only been out of her parent’s house for 2 years??? That’s nothing...

[Anonymous]

I actually think it speaks well of her that she'd take you to her parents' home when it clearly isn't perfect. She isn't ashamed of the people she loves which is a great character trait. It also speaks well of you that she thinks highly enough of you to assume you wouldn't freak out about it. So, a lot of pluses there in my opinion.

That said, I'd echo others here who say what her own place looks like matters more. I can handle friends' cluttered and sometimes dirty houses but couldn't stand to live like that personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is going on dates and meeting families during a pandemic?! Stop posting fiction.

Eh, go ahead and crowdsource for your romance novel. I’m bored, I would read it!

LOL I like you, PP.

[Anonymous]

I think this is from the woman's perspective. She is worried about bring the guy to meet her parents, though none of that should be happening now anyway

[Anonymous]

Man here and I've dated women from poor families. It all comes down to attitude. If the family is warm, kind, and happy, the rest doesn't matter as long as it's clean and tidy.

Some of the best fun I've had have been at low-key events, with good company. Attended a wedding which was in someone's backyward, and we all brought tents (no place to sleep inside) and they fired up the grill and had some music and drinks. Cheap wedding, but everyone was so friendly and we all had a blast.

[Anonymous]

Why are we going to her parents place instead of having sex at my place, which is not dirty and cluttered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't care about plates or drinking from a cup. I would have a hard time understanding why the place is so dirty.

+1. Being poor is not a character flaw

For men it is...for women it is not

It's not a character flaw for anyone.

However, my husband's rich buddies from his fancy university would have continued to date her, but eliminated her as marriage material. They all married girls they knew at their boarding school, their parents' friends daughters, etc. None of them married outside their family's financial/social class, though they dated all sorts of women in the interim.

I've been trying to explain this to my single friend for the better part of a decade (we're almost 40). She's from a perfectly financially stable but working class family and has been looking for a wealthy guy in NYC for many years. She has lots of relationships but none have progressed, not even to cohabitation. I keep explaining to her these guys rarely marry outside of their circle but she doesn't believe me, even though it's been a good 8 years of her trying and not succeeding. She is very beautiful, has a decent career, and thinks that will be enough.

This reminds me of my roomate during medical school. She dated lots of men, and even had one very serious boyfriend, but she always told me that she was going to marry this man she knew in high school. Their parents traveled in the same circle, and had more or less arranged it. She would go to visit him every few months, and they would have sex.
I remember asking her if she felt like she was cheating on her serious boyfriend, and she would say, “how can I cheat on a boyfriend with the man I am going to marry?” And then she would say that she wasn’t cheating on her future husband with her boyfriend because they had agreed to date other people until she was 25 & he was 27, when they would get engaged.
Sure enough, near the end of school, they got engaged. He found work near wherever she went for residency, and they were married a year later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here and I've dated women from poor families. It all comes down to attitude. If the family is warm, kind, and happy, the rest doesn't matter as long as it's clean and tidy.

Some of the best fun I've had have been at low-key events, with good company. Attended a wedding which was in someone's backyward, and we all brought tents (no place to sleep inside) and they fired up the grill and had some music and drinks. Cheap wedding, but everyone was so friendly and we all had a blast.

I used to live in a small town, and most of the events we went to were like this.

I miss it. It’s a lot easier to keep your money when your friends entertain this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here and I've dated women from poor families. It all comes down to attitude. If the family is warm, kind, and happy, the rest doesn't matter as long as it's clean and tidy.

Some of the best fun I've had have been at low-key events, with good company. Attended a wedding which was in someone's backyward, and we all brought tents (no place to sleep inside) and they fired up the grill and had some music and drinks. Cheap wedding, but everyone was so friendly and we all had a blast.

I have been to weddings like this . The family isn’t always poor though. It’s more of a cultural thing. With fracking some people who grew up doing weenie roasts every Saturday became sudden millionaires, but they keep on doing weenie roasts .

[Anonymous]

Mismatched plates and wine in glasses ... NBD.
Dirty bathroom and hoarding? disgusting, I'd have to see how she lives herself.
Broken furniture and windows ... red flags for me. Are the super poor, or super lazy?

[Anonymous]

I grew up with educated parents but have a large rural, working class extended family. My husband is from old, east coast money. His family is very distant and uptight from my perspective. When I first introduced him to my family he’s seems a little taken back by their gregarious personalities and lack of sophistication. Over time he has fallen in love with my entire family and has totally changed his outlook on social class. We were married in my hometown in a very low key outdoor wedding. Other than his parents seeming to disapprove, his friends from boarding school and Ivy League university said they never had so much fun a wedding.

OP I would be concerned about your GF families cleanliness, but if her current condo or apartment is fine don’t worry about it. Please don’t equate poverty with dirty. Your GF could be very embarrassed of her parents living situation. Have you discussed if they need help in any way or why they are in those conditions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a woman whom you felt attraction towards. You went on several dates and found her compatible, kind, caring, has a great career, etc. You then get introduced to her family. You see her family home in which she was raised in and left 2 years ago. She sleeps over at her parents from time to time.

It is rundown. Dirty old broken blinds, several broken windows, dusty dirty mouldy ceilings, old broken furniture, etc. Her parents serve you food in mismatched plates and cups. Wine is served in cups rather than glasses, etc. However despite all that, you appreciate the warm welcome from her parents and their generosity.

Would you continue dating this girl despite her poor living conditions? Would the state of her home affect your relationship with her? Would this change the way you would view her?

100% would not care. Not even a little.

Warm welcome from family? All that matters.