Talk to me about your 15 year marriage

[Anonymous]

This is a happy stage for us at year 15. Kids are older (tween and two elementary aged) - they sleep, are more independent, and we can have more fun as a family than we could when they were little, haven't hit teenage drama yet. We have our shared interests in the home/kids/pets but also our separate interests - our own hobbies, our own friends. I think it's important to maintain that admiration and bond with each other, but also to have separate identities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, yes. It is your age. It is your situation. It is boredom. It may be resentment. It may be work. It may be because you need some excitement in your life. Your 40s are the most difficult time, for both men and women. For a lot of women it iS DOUBLY difficult because of perimenopause.


Your kids are bigger, and don't need you or want you as much. Your spouse is ... well, they are your spouse you've known them a long time and you love them but they might annoy you some .... your work? You tell me. Is it engaging? Do you love it? or is it frustrating?

What do you do for you? Exercise? Yoga? Meditation? Retreats? Do you put you first ever (or is it always the kids?). Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends? Do you make time for your friends and hobbies?

So, yes, it could be any combination of the things you mentioned, and more. Y

After 16 years of marriage, this was my wife. Mid forties she decided she needed excitement in her life, was unhappy in marriage and being a mom to our two teens. She did have plenty of hobbies already, but started freaking out that we are close to dying. She started talking about divorce and would always threaten it if we had a disagreement. It is and has been a very difficult time for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, my spouse is terminally ill. How I wish we had more time together. It’s not been perfect, but it’s been wonderful. So many little things I will miss.

I am so sorry.

I am also.

[Anonymous]

At the 13 year mark we moved across the country to the SF Bay Area with 3 children 8 and under. It really energized us as it was such a change and a big family adventure and we became closer as a couple because initially we didn’t know anybody. We did the same thing 5 years later and it was great for us and our children. New places, new people etc. During that married 15-20 years phase when things can get a little boring we never had time to be bored.
My only suggestion is to find ways to shake up your life and create some new energy.

[Anonymous]

I have to work so hard to avoid being bored and dissatisfied with anything in my life. It’s a mental issue.

[Anonymous]

At 15 years we were a mess. Lived separate work lives, three kids leading us every direction but toward each other, resentment and bitterness had built up. Sex was rare and when it happened it wasn't very good. We nearly divorced. We ended up at a Retrouvaille program which helped. We are now at 22 years. I wouldn't say it's great but it is much better than it was.

[Anonymous]

Op, it isn't your marriage. You can change a lot about your life, improve your life, that has nothing to do with being a married person. You say you are "bored, lonely and frustrated" THAT'S ON YOU. Your marriage isn't holding you back.

There is very little that being married is preventing you from doing.

[Anonymous]

OP - you might like this article:

http://lydianetzer.blogspot.com/2012/04/15-ways-to-stay-married-for-15-years.html

[Anonymous]

Anything to make it better? Just give up?

[Anonymous]

My marriage is at year 14 and it's as bad as it's ever been. Wife resents me for reasons that aren't fair, sex life is gone completely. She is unhappy, end of story, but also recognizes she has it all on paper. So we will probably divorce but no one wants to break up the family. We co-parent peacefully and for now it's fine but not sustainable.

From the outside, people would assume we are that fun, loving couple. It's all a sham.

We were super happy for years and years, until she wasn't and we weren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you might like this article:

http://lydianetzer.blogspot.com/2012/04/15-ways-to-stay-married-for-15-years.html

that is a fantastic read. Unfortunately, too late for my 15 year imploding marriage. But it's dead on what we didn't do

[Anonymous]

14 and 15 was hard, both of us working a lot, me especially,we fought more intensely and I had little to give. Now at20 years we have both mellowed, are more secure in our careers and he just said the other day that I have been very loving and he is happy. We had a brief crisis but reconnected to the marriage and got help. There are often many marriages in a long relationship. It changes but that can include for the Better if you both want it, can forgive and try again. I'm very much in love with my husband again, more deeply than before.

[Anonymous]

I like what the article said about loyalty, and basically getting a Ph.D. In your spouse's body in terms of truly learning what they want and respond to sexually and then giving it it. Until the end. I agree completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like what the article said about loyalty, and basically getting a Ph.D. In your spouse's body in terms of truly learning what they want and respond to sexually and then giving it it. Until the end. I agree completely.

This is really important advice, along with the importance of being a positive mirror for your spouse. Dan Savage said it more crudely, you need to be whores for each other. Spouses that experiment and really give generously in and out of the bedroom make it, those that don't, don't. We didn't and we are done. Don't be us.

[Anonymous]

we had a 14-15 year crisis, as well, ending up with an affair. Tough times. Still married, though.