When your teen DS listens to vile rap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him how cool it is and start listening too.

Good strategy!

I lucked out. My teen boy is a Beatles fan.

[Anonymous]

He hears and sees worse at school...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then they start talking with friends like the “artists” making this filth, and then they get called out for using that language because they aren’t the right demographic, blah blah blah. But of course it’s not just marketed to one demographic, is it? So awful and exploitative.

That’s your takeaway? Of all the things to be focused on, you care that OP’s son isn’t allowed to use the “N” word?

Yeah, this is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him how cool it is and start listening too.

Good strategy!

I lucked out. My teen boy is a Beatles fan.

Agree, great parent approach! I plan to try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the previous poster. I asked him to make an “I’m with mom playlist” which he did. He can play that in the car.

My teens have done this too, with the result that I actually have come to like a lot of rap artists though only some of their songs.

I can’t imagine trying to censor my kids’ music. That’s bound to end poorly.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? Hard core rap was around when I was young and I am almost 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the previous poster. I asked him to make an “I’m with mom playlist” which he did. He can play that in the car.

My teens have done this too, with the result that I actually have come to like a lot of rap artists though only some of their songs.

I can’t imagine trying to censor my kids’ music. That’s bound to end poorly.

I've got teenagers and we make playlists for each other as part of 'education' - meaning, what songs should everyone know in a particular genre. My kids create playlists like "Best of Rap" or "Current Songs for Mom". I've made lists for them as well of songs they should know. One of my favorites is the Best of Country after one kid said she didn't like country music. It was because she hadn't heard good country music. She was surprised by the range of country music and it's quality. Occasionally, I'll do a comparison as with "I Will Always Love You". Of course, she didn't know Dolly Parton had written it and she prefers the Whitney Houston version but it lead to a good conversation about the timelessness and universality of well crafted words.

We share our playlists through Spotify and listen to them in the car or in the mornings getting ready for school/work. It's been great.

Of course, they still listen to sh1t but I ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear god I wish this was my biggest issue with my teena

OP here and I know. There are far worse problems we could have and I'm sorry you are going through them.

Still, I can't help but wonder if listening to this crap non-stop isn't an introduction to bigger problems. There is no way that anyone, especially a young, vulnerable teen with zero real-life perspective, could not be negatively impacted by wallowing in this darkness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just remember the Who sang "I want to be your backdoor man" and Roxanne by the Police is about a prostitute.

I listens to it with them and then say... next when I can't stand it. haha, the kids get to the point where they say... okay this one you won't like, and this one, okay this one is good.

Please. There is a tremendous difference between a song "about a prostitute" and the crude, racist, violent, misogynistic actual language in the raps songs kids listen to today.

If you don't see that, you are hopelessly out of touch.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy all types of music, and I don't think telling a teen not to listen to rap is going to be productive. They all listen to it (well, at least all the boys I know).

I approach this in the same way as I approached the Super Bowl performance with my kids. Performing arts, whether it is music, dance, theater, etc. are forms of artistic expression. Artists express themselves through their art, but it is up to the audience how it is received or internalized. You can enjoy or appreciate art without emulating aspects of it in your life. And context matters. What is appropriate in a performance is not necessary appropriate in your personal life.

What I've told my sons is that I would prefer that they listen to clean version of songs, although I know they don't always do that. If, however, they listen to explicit versions, they have to realize that impact ends with listening. If they aren't mature enough to refrain from internalizing the messages or using the language, then listening is off the table. There will be consequences.

We have had many discussion about aspects of rap music that are generally objectively offensive were they to be taken outside of the context of artistic expression, including the offensive language, violence, and misogynistic messaging. Sometimes, I listen to songs they like and we talk about the lyrics and what the messages are. What is the artist's perspective? Do you agree with it? Does the music reflect the artist's personal experience? I try not to judge the artist or the merits of the music, but to point out why certain messages or perspectives can lead to unhealthy outcomes. I guess I try to get them to filter all information they get from whatever source, including rap music.

With all of that said, I still live in fear that my impulsive son is going to wind up quoting some lyric and using the "n" word at school. But I've done all I can to make him understand how unacceptable that would be.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs who said an outright ban isn't going to get you anywhere. Kids have been watching and listening to scandalous music since Tipper Gore's Neanderthal ancestor complained that some of the cave kids were banging two sticks together in a manner that was entirely too suggestive for a family drum circle.

I encourage my kid to be the car DJ, but have a loose "three strikes" rule -- if I raise my eyebrows at a word or phrase too often, I ask for the next song. I also wax pedantic about racist/sexist/dangerous lyrics -- as you would imagine, he loves that, and so those songs don't get played as much. Win-win.

It's fun to listen to them "discover" artists, and to be shocked that their old mom knows something about them too. Sort of how our parents bit their tongues when we blasted the Rolling Stones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then they start talking with friends like the “artists” making this filth, and then they get called out for using that language because they aren’t the right demographic, blah blah blah. But of course it’s not just marketed to one demographic, is it? So awful and exploitative.

That’s your takeaway? Of all the things to be focused on, you care that OP’s son isn’t allowed to use the “N” word?

NP. It sounds like you're looking for a fight. I don't PP is saying they want their kid to use the "N" word. I think they're saying they don't want their kid to hear it for many reasons. The first being, it's filthy and one of the most offensive words in the English language. A second valid and equal concern is that repeatedly hearing this word desensitizes a teen (whose cognitive abilities are still forming) to how horrible it is and, yes...they could say it.

[Anonymous]

My teen has to listen to clean versions of the song. Yes, we monitor this. Teen isn't allowed to blast the music for others to hear. I don't want my younger kid hearing blanked out "f" words, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember the Who sang "I want to be your backdoor man" and Roxanne by the Police is about a prostitute.

I listens to it with them and then say... next when I can't stand it. haha, the kids get to the point where they say... okay this one you won't like, and this one, okay this one is good.

Please. There is a tremendous difference between a song "about a prostitute" and the crude, racist, violent, misogynistic actual language in the raps songs kids listen to today.

If you don't see that, you are hopelessly out of touch.

+1

Omg. When I read posts like the top PP I just shake my head. The rap music today is absolutely disgusting. It's art in its own way, but it's doing our kids no favors with repeated consumption. I tell my kids to listen in moderation just like if they're eating junk food.