When your teen DS listens to vile rap

[Anonymous]

I listen to vile rap and I am a 42 yo woman. Your son will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I listen to vile rap and I am a 42 yo woman. Your son will be fine.

Same. 41yo, listened to "vile rap" when I was a teen. Today I'm married and gainfully employed w/a Ph.D., am a pretty decent person and mom, I like to think. I don't think rap affected me negatively.

Just have an open dialogue about it with your kid. My dad didn't care for it, but my mom especially hated it and was vocal about it, although she couldn't understand what they were saying. I think not liking my music was part of a big generational divide between my parents and me (my mom was on the older side, had me at 35). It won't kill you to listen to some of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember the Who sang "I want to be your backdoor man" and Roxanne by the Police is about a prostitute.

I listens to it with them and then say... next when I can't stand it. haha, the kids get to the point where they say... okay this one you won't like, and this one, okay this one is good.

Back door man was covered by the Doors, btw, not The Who

correct, I must have smoked too much pot back then.

[Anonymous]

^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the previous poster. I asked him to make an “I’m with mom playlist” which he did. He can play that in the car.

My teens have done this too, with the result that I actually have come to like a lot of rap artists though only some of their songs.

I can’t imagine trying to censor my kids’ music. That’s bound to end poorly.

I've got teenagers and we make playlists for each other as part of 'education' - meaning, what songs should everyone know in a particular genre. My kids create playlists like "Best of Rap" or "Current Songs for Mom". I've made lists for them as well of songs they should know. One of my favorites is the Best of Country after one kid said she didn't like country music. It was because she hadn't heard good country music. She was surprised by the range of country music and it's quality. Occasionally, I'll do a comparison as with "I Will Always Love You". Of course, she didn't know Dolly Parton had written it and she prefers the Whitney Houston version but it lead to a good conversation about the timelessness and universality of well crafted words.

We share our playlists through Spotify and listen to them in the car or in the mornings getting ready for school/work. It's been great.

Of course, they still listen to sh1t but I ignore it.

I think this is a really great approach. I have a system with my kids where I play them one of my favorite songs/artists for every two songs they play me. The Spotify playlists they make for me don't have any of my stuff on there, but for road trips, they'll burn CDs (my car is ancient and doesn't even have satellite radio) that have the rap songs they think I'll like or tolerate, plus a few of what they consider the best of my songs to keep me interested. Like you, I love old school country, and one of my teens has grown to somewhat appreciate it. She actually was the one who introduced me to Miranda Lambert. I probably never would have listened to her on my own, but love a lot of her stuff now.

My dad and I were never really close, but I really treasure my memories of him sharing his favorite music with us and the interest he took in ours, even during our heavy metal phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

I think you are selling both 15 year old boys and rap music very short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

I think you are selling both 15 year old boys and rap music very short.

Look, I was the PP who mentioned "art." I agree that it is a heavy lift for teenagers. But that's parenting, isn't it? All of the boys listen to the music, so he is gong to be exposed to it regardless of whether I try to prohibit it. Trust me, I am angst ridden that he is going to use that vile word and get his huge trouble at school. But you know what? That's life. If he messes up, there will be severe consequences and he knows that. I'm also terrified that he isn't studying hard enough, or treating people with enough respect, or even that he is confident enough. But I can't make that happen. He has to figure it out. All we can do is continually model good behavior, reinforce positive messages, emphasize core values, and keep the lines of communication open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I listen to vile rap and I am a 42 yo woman. Your son will be fine.

It's narcissistic to think everybody wants their child to end up like you. Maybe you are that way because of all the vile rap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember the Who sang "I want to be your backdoor man" and Roxanne by the Police is about a prostitute.

I listens to it with them and then say... next when I can't stand it. haha, the kids get to the point where they say... okay this one you won't like, and this one, okay this one is good.

Please. There is a tremendous difference between a song "about a prostitute" and the crude, racist, violent, misogynistic actual language in the raps songs kids listen to today.

If you don't see that, you are hopelessly out of touch.

I started out in camp "it's vile." But - for years my kid wanted to play his music for me in the car on the way to sports stuff, so I let him. I found that I started to feel differently over time, largely because my son would take the time to find stuff that he thought I'd like and play it for me. We'd talk about why I liked some stuff and didn't like other stuff. I never said "that's awful, you shouldn't listen to it." I'd say "I don't like X song for X reason".

Over time, I found that there are definitely artists that are more positive, but there are redeeming features of even songs that most here would label misogynistic and vile. For example, Lil Wayne's "Let it all work out" has these lyrics:

I fear God, never fear men
Give back, never give in
Beat odds, never beat women
Keep an open mind, let 'em peek in it
Reach highs, never reach limits
Need minds, I don't need plenty

That song is full of the n-word and b****, but it's mostly a song about being depressed and attempting suicide, finding God and learning to continue living.

Interestingly, at 18 my son's tastes have started to expand a lot beyond the 100% hip hop that he listened to at 15. And, I listen to probably 20% hip hop now. I feel like we've both learned by listening to music together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

I think you are selling both 15 year old boys and rap music very short.

I’m a teacher and parent of teens. That poster is not selling them short. It’s science. The brain is not fully developed until around 23. You’re being idealistic to a detriment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

I think you are selling both 15 year old boys and rap music very short.

Look, I was the PP who mentioned "art." I agree that it is a heavy lift for teenagers. But that's parenting, isn't it? All of the boys listen to the music, so he is gong to be exposed to it regardless of whether I try to prohibit it. Trust me, I am angst ridden that he is going to use that vile word and get his huge trouble at school. But you know what? That's life. If he messes up, there will be severe consequences and he knows that. I'm also terrified that he isn't studying hard enough, or treating people with enough respect, or even that he is confident enough. But I can't make that happen. He has to figure it out. All we can do is continually model good behavior, reinforce positive messages, emphasize core values, and keep the lines of communication open.

OP here, and I agree with this. I do think this is about all we can do. But it's a sad commentary on our world today that we have reached a point that parents have to accept this, and kids actually seek this out, as entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

Um, are your kids listening to some kind of alt-right hip hop? Because if not and you are talking about black artists using the n-word in their lyrics, that's not racism. If you think it is, then I think you don't know many black teenagers. I'm no authority, but in my limited experience as a middle aged white Jew (but parent of a kid that's in a majority black school and whose friends are mostly black), it seems like black young people using the n-word is about identity and unity and standing up to racism.

It's not really a good analogy, but growing up in the south, my Jewish friends and I would use certain particularly ridiculous epithets for Jews toward each other, but we would fight any non-Jew that said something overtly anti-Semitic. It was a way of sharing some unity in an environment where anti-Semitism was pretty common and considered acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP here and, sorry, but I disagree with the two previous PPs. Adult women listening to rap is one thing - you do you. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever.

It's very different when 15 year old boys, who have no life experience, no perspective, no frame of reference about women, no real experience in dealing with racism, etc etc, are enamored with this music that glorifies violence, misogyny and racism. Another PP mentioned the importance of making sure that he knows it's only "art," and that the message is to stop when he turns the music off.

I think that's a hell of a lot to expect from kids.

I think you are selling both 15 year old boys and rap music very short.

I’m a teacher and parent of teens. That poster is not selling them short. It’s science. The brain is not fully developed until around 23. You’re being idealistic to a detriment.

I'm not idealistic in any way, just an experience parent of kids who listened primarily to rap throughout their teens who can attest that it did not negatively affect them in any way. They were thoughtful, empathetic kids, and are thoughtful, empathetic young adults who still love rap. The same is true of their friends, all of whom also listened primarily to rap.

Not having a fully developed brain is not at all the same thing as having "no life experience" and "no perspective", unless we are talking about teens who have been in isolation chambers from birth. Also, OP and you seem to be assuming that kids don't know the difference between the norms and values of their family and community and the sorts of lifestyles some artists are glorifying in some of the more simplistic rap songs. And most rap songs are far less simplistic than people who don't listen to the genre give them credit for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m at my wits end with this. I am literally sickened by the lyrics in some of these “songs.” Please, BTDT parents- how to get him past this? The bigger deal we make of it, of course, the more we hear.

Hook him up with a hot teen girl who loves wholesome country music.
His playlist will change OVERNIGHT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m at my wits end with this. I am literally sickened by the lyrics in some of these “songs.” Please, BTDT parents- how to get him past this? The bigger deal we make of it, of course, the more we hear.

Hook him up with a hot teen girl who loves wholesome country music.
His playlist will change OVERNIGHT.

OP here. That's the best idea yet!

I'm on it....