mom pushes my buttons and xmas triggers-vent

[Anonymous]

You can even gray rock without words.

Mom: “You used to hate Christmas!”
OP: “Hm!” (As if to comment You don’t say!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like my mom, who prob has a personality disorder.

I do my best to have no reaction and redirect as a PP was talking about.

When it was really bad, I would immediately go home when it started. That helped reduce how often she would do it. I also went many years making sure I was never alone with her.

And I had to handle that I had no real mother and thrive despite that.

I could have written this and for a second I thought I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can even gray rock without words.

Mom: “You used to hate Christmas!”
OP: “Hm!” (As if to comment You don’t say!)

Love it. You could have even more fun with it. Make strange noises in response. "ooooahargaga!" or burp or even fart if you have one. Yes, "you used to hate Chrstmas" "loud toot" with bad smell and walk off.. Perfect response!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like my mom, who prob has a personality disorder.

I do my best to have no reaction and redirect as a PP was talking about.

When it was really bad, I would immediately go home when it started. That helped reduce how often she would do it. I also went many years making sure I was never alone with her.

And I had to handle that I had no real mother and thrive despite that.

I could have written this and for a second I thought I did.

NP and I was advised by my therapist to go home the second and I mean the moment after my father would either raise his voice/scream/belittle or otherwise verbally abuse me. I recall telling my father up front that I will leave if he can't control himself. I left suddenly just once, then stood my ground and it never happened again. My father is now dead, so there's that. Peace!

Now I'm left with my pushover, narcissistic, judgmental mom who loved to proclaim things like, "didn't you have the most wonderful childhood?!" And backstory: my late father was a raging, screaming monster of an alcoholic who sporadically left the family for sometimes months at a time. We moved frequently to avoid embarrassment and to start over...so no, I did not have a wonderful childhood. My mom is delusional. Years ago, I calmly told my mom that years of therapy and some good meds helped me grieve for my lost childhood and move forward. True. This shut her up, finally.

[Anonymous]

you all are amazing--thanks. yes, and I do suspect borderline personality disorder. she is a real piece of work. she purposely gets us crappy presents (like dial soap) so she can get a reaction out of us. strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like my mom, who prob has a personality disorder.

I do my best to have no reaction and redirect as a PP was talking about.

When it was really bad, I would immediately go home when it started. That helped reduce how often she would do it. I also went many years making sure I was never alone with her.

And I had to handle that I had no real mother and thrive despite that.

I could have written this and for a second I thought I did.

NP and I was advised by my therapist to go home the second and I mean the moment after my father would either raise his voice/scream/belittle or otherwise verbally abuse me. I recall telling my father up front that I will leave if he can't control himself. I left suddenly just once, then stood my ground and it never happened again. My father is now dead, so there's that. Peace!

Now I'm left with my pushover, narcissistic, judgmental mom who loved to proclaim things like, "didn't you have the most wonderful childhood?!" And backstory: my late father was a raging, screaming monster of an alcoholic who sporadically left the family for sometimes months at a time. We moved frequently to avoid embarrassment and to start over...so no, I did not have a wonderful childhood. My mom is delusional. Years ago, I calmly told my mom that years of therapy and some good meds helped me grieve for my lost childhood and move forward. True. This shut her up, finally.

Interesting. I did this with my mother once and she had no awareness she had thrown a tantrum. She thought I was completely crazy. If I didn't have witnesses to previous tantrums, I would start to doubt myself.

[Anonymous]

This Christmas my mom repeated the same story about how I was in sort of special ed level classes when I was in early elementary school but I just surpassed everyone’s expectations and did so well throughout the rest of school. I said calmly “you don’t have to repeat this story so often. I don’t enjoy hearing it.” She was very confused as to why: “but you turned out so well! It didn’t matter! Blah blah”. I turned to my husband and he stepped in and said “MIL. Please stop telling this story. It’s not as great a story as you think it is.” That shut my mom up. Always good to have a witness/support by your side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is an expert at revisionist history. Sorry your mom has thrown some your way. No advice, just understanding of this situation.

+1